Deceptions and White Lies
by CharlotteBlackwood
Summary: Amy and Sirius are finally together, taking on the world, but the war has other plans. Love, loss, and lies lead us through their Sequel to Cat and Mouse. SB/OC, LE/JP, Avery/OC, LM/NB, M-rated
1. Grown Up

**A/N: Here's the first chapter of my sequel to **_**Cat and Mouse**_**, the story of Amy and Sirius discovering... each other. They've graduated, entered the world outside Hogwarts, and now they have to figure out what to do next. I strongly recommend you read the first part before starting this story, as it's got a lot of info and backstory that will clarify this story. If you've read **_**Cat and Mouse**_**, you'll notice quickly the viewpoints are different in this one, with Amy, Sirius, and Vanessa. Much more straightforward. Yup, Vanessa's still up to her old tricks. First chapter is Amy's POV.**

** -C**

As arranged, I was standing on Sirius's front porch, ready to ring the doorbell, my trunk at my feet and my wand in my pocket.

In spite of my parent's protest, I'd packed up all my things as soon as possible and was moving in with Sirius Black.

What a far cry from just a year ago when I thought I'd never be anything to him but another friend who happened to be female.

Taking a deep, excited breath, I pressed my finger to the door bell, only to have the door open less than a moment later, Sirius standing there, grinning at me.

"Have you been standing there?" I asked, amused.

"Yeah."

"How long?"

"About an hour. I didn't want to miss you."

"You knew when I was coming."

"I know, but what if I took a shower or something and got caught up and didn't have a clock and couldn't hear the bell and-"

"Could you just help me with my trunk, Sirius?" I asked, grinning at him.

"Of course, love," he said proudly, pecking my lips and lugging my trunk into the house. "Bedroom?"

"I guess so," I said with a nervous shrug, following him through to the bedroom, which was down the hall.

It was cozier than I'd expected. He'd even made the bed, which I was pretty sure was not really his thing based on his habits at school. The closet was open and he'd made room for my things, partly by moving his clothes over to one side, partly by blowing up his closet with magic.

"Wow," I muttered. "I guess I should unpack, then."

"You just got here, love, don't be boring," he chastise playfully. "Tour first, then making out in a few key, cozy spots, and then you have my full permission to be boring."

I giggled, letting him kiss me hungrily, almost losing myself to the kiss when he pulled back and said, "Oh, and James is coming over for dinner."

I sighed, letting Sirius lead me off to show me the house, telling me graphically what he wanted to do with me in every room within my first week of living with him. I got chills when he told me about the study.

We'd made it to the final room, his bedroom, when he ordered me to take off my shoes so we could get onto the bed.

"I love you," he whispered, wrapping his arms around me and holding me on top of the bed. "I'll admit, the house feels less lonely now that I know you're with me."

I smiled into his chest, glad that I'd ignored my family.

"We should make dinner, love," I whispered as he shifted to kiss me. "James eats a lot, and-"

"So do we," he teased, pressing his lips to mine. I moaned, trying to find the will to break away and finish what I was saying, but it had been so long and he tasted so good. His fingers ran through my hair and I could feel a bit of a tremble in his hand.

I pulled back to tell him that we might want to save this for after James left, but he didn't let me move away without getting his own words in.

"Oh, I've missed you," he sighed, turning us so that he was on top of me, grinning as he pressed a kiss to my neck. "So beautiful."

"Sirius," I hissed, not sure why it was so incredibly difficult to think all of a sudden. There was something else we should have been doing...

He moved his fingertips up my legs, playing briefly with the hem of my dress before moving under it, moaning against my throat as he moved his hands up my thighs, hooking his thumbs on the sides of my panties.

And then instead of pulling them down he pulled them out and snapped them, ripping the fabric away from me. My eyes opened in shock.

He'd never done anything like that before.

"Sirius," I began, wanting to chastise him, but then his fingers explored the uncovered territory and my voice broke, unable to remember what I was upset with him for in the first place. "Sirius," I moaned, bucking against his hand as he kissed and sucked at my throat.

James was temporarily forgotten.

We managed to finish, get cleaned up, and cook before James arrived, although Sirius was more distracting than helpful on all counts. I didn't really mind, missing him so much while I was with my parents that being with him was just as intoxicating as if I'd been away for a year.

"I can't wait to do that again," Sirius muttered, nibbling at my neck as I set the table.

"You're not doing that to any more of my knickers, Sirius," I told him as sternly as possible, trying not to smile as he grinned against my neck.

"Mmm, but it made you so wet," he growled against my skin, and I could feel myself growing wet at the very words, gasping when I remembered that he could smell when I was aroused. He just chuckled, increasing the mark he'd left on my neck earlier while I frantically tried to regain composure.

"Sirius," I managed to choke as I pushed him away from my neck, "James is going to be here any minute, and I'd rather he didn't-"

The doorbell went off.

Sirius growled, and I laughed, saying I'd get it.

I opened the door and James was standing there, grinning. I didn't miss the smirk when he looked at my neck and said, "Been enjoying moving in, I see?"

"Not funny, Potter," I teased. "Come on in. Dinner's ready to put on the table."

"What'd you make?" he asked eagerly, following me into the kitchen where Sirius was pouring elf-made wine for the three of us.

"I can't pronounce it, Prongs, but it's delicious," Sirius said, grinning.

"The fact that you can't pronounce fettuccine is pathetic, love," I sighed, putting the pasta bowl on the table and summoning the salad to sit beside it. "Scallop fettuccine in an herbed butter sauce," I announced. "Sirius's favorite."

"I thought my mum's spaghetti was your favorite, Pads," James teased.

"It was, until I tasted this," Sirius admitted. "I thought I loved Amy before, but her cooking sealed the deal, honestly."

I was flattered, of course, and especially so when James tried the pasta and concluded that it was, in fact, better than his mother's spaghetti. Knowing how great of a cook Mrs. Potter was, the compliment meant quite a lot.

"So, have you talked with Dumbledore?" James asked Sirius as I put more salad on his plate.

"Yeah, I have," Sirius said darkly, not looking at me when I turned to catch his eye.

"Dumbledore?" I asked.

"The Order," James said with a grin. "We're going to our first meeting next week."

"Oh," I said simply, looking down at my plate and trying not to behave like the last thing I wanted was for Sirius to go rushing off to fight You-Know-Who. But I really didn't have any good reason other than my fears to make him stay, so I said nothing.

"Everyone's in?" Sirius asked, twirling some more pasta around his fork.

"Yeah, except Amy, of course," James said, shoveling more salad into his mouth. "And I'm not sure Dumbledore isn't going to ask her again. According to Marlene, the numbers are nowhere near what Dumbledore wants."

"I won't do it," I said softly. "I really don't want to, and-"

"And if you don't want to, I'm not going to let him badger you into it, love," Sirius said with a smile, taking my hand on top of the table. I smiled weakly back, but I didn't say anything about how badly I wanted him to stay home, not go to the meeting...

"Do you think we'll be dueling?" James asked.

"Straight off? I dunno," Sirius said, scratching his chin thoughtfully. "I guess it's possible, but he'll probably want to start us out on small stuff, prove our worth to the others, test our skills, figure out where we'll fit in best."

"If our years at Hogwarts don't prove we can do anything-"

"Could you kill someone?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. James looked at me and blinked.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Could you kill someone?" I repeated. "Because if it came down to your life or Sirius's life or Remus's life, or killing someone... I would like to think you would kill the Death Eater, but there's nothing from your school record that could help Dumbledore assess that."

"Right," James muttered, frowning. "Hadn't thought of that."

"No, I didn't expect you to," I whispered. "Sarah's brother, Cole, used to play with these little toy soldiers, and he would make them kill each other like it was nothing, these little Muggle figures. And that's what war is, but I asked him why one of them was always up on the top of the hill while the others were killing each other and he told me that that little figure couldn't cut it. It couldn't kill the others, he said, because it couldn't handle the nerves. He understood it at seven, James. He knew not everyone can kill another human being, even if they have to. You can bet Dumbledore's going to find a way to find out what you're made of."

James looked at me like he'd never really seen me before and I looked back down at my salad as Sirius squeezed my hand.

"Well, I already know I could kill someone," he said hoarsely, and James dropped his fork. "Yeah, when my mum was trying to keep me from leaving she had a leg up on me, not being weakened from hours of the Cruciatus and the like. I shot a Killing Curse in her direction to distract her, might have even hit her if I hadn't had blood in my eyes. But alas, I missed, and my cursed mother lives on."

I shivered, taking my hand out of Sirius's and saying with a false smile, "You boys both done then?"

They nodded and I cleared the plates, watching them finish of their wine while I composed myself.

The boys continued to talk about who was going into the Order, who was already in it, who they were most excited to meet - "Oh, I can't believe we're going to spar with Mad-Eye Moody!" - and I stood there, pretending I was focusing on cleaning the dishes as I tried not to throw the dishes at the wall.

But the war was really only just beginning, for us anyway, and things were going to get a lot worse before they were over. If I started out by throwing plates, I didn't want to think about how bad things were going to get, so I just dried the plates and put them calmly in the cupboard.

"And then Lily and Remus decided that they were going to put in extra time learning healing charms, since it can't hurt, right?" James said with a grin. "As if they don't already know more than half the trainees in St. Mungo's!"

They laughed and I turned around, smiling.

"Ah, is that the time?" James said, frowning at his pocket watch. "Well, I need to head back or Mum will start to worry. Good night, Sirius, Amy! Thanks for the delicious meal!"

"You're very welcome," I assured him, bringing him his cloak and seeing him out.

"Amy?" Sirius called from the bedroom. "Wanna finish your wine? I'm going to get ready for bed."

I raised my eyebrows. It might have been getting late for James to be getting home from dinner with friends during a war, but going to bed?

Sirius had plans, that was clear enough.

"I'll be there in a minute, love," I called, heading to the kitchen, drinking my last mouthful of wine, and washing the glasses.

When I'd finished, I went to the bedroom, taking down my ponytail and turning to see Sirius flopped on the bed in his boxers. His boxers were already gratuitously tented, probably running over his plan in his mind. I almost rolled my eyes, but he had a very serious expression, so I didn't.

"Well, you certainly got ready for bed quickly," I said with a small grin.

"Amy, are you okay?" he asked. "You were... off at dinner. I know this war is scary, but is there something you want to talk about?"

I just stared at him. Of course I wanted to talk, of course I was scared, of course I was off!

But as much as I wanted to cry and have him hold me and lie and say everything was okay, to tell me that he wouldn't do anything dangerous, I didn't want him to lie to me, and I didn't want to keep him from something he wanted so badly to do. So I kept my smile on and began unbuttoning my blouse.

"No, Sirius, I'm fine," I lied. "I'm scared, but who isn't? I would hope that even you and James have a healthy dose of fear, because not having any isn't respecting the strengths of your enemy. That's very dangerous."

"When did you become such an expert in war?" he teased, getting up and moving to help me with the buttons, quickly undoing the last few and pushing the blouse off my shoulders. "You seem to be full of martial advice this evening."

His hands grazed my sides as the blouse fell to the floor and I swallowed, looking up into his lust-filled gray eyes.

If I was going to confess my fears to him any time soon, this was the time to break down and do it.

"Shut and kiss me," I sighed, feeling a rush as he pushed me against the wall and pressed his lips eagerly to mine. One of his hands unhooked the clasp of my skirt and the other undid my bra. Both fell to the floor moments later, and as I hadn't bothered putting on new knickers, I stood naked as he pressed against me, his hardness barely contained by the straining boxers. I moaned into his mouth, running my fingers through his silky hair.

He cupped my ass and lifted me so that my legs wrapped around his waist.

Sirius moved us to the bed, dropping me onto it and removing his boxers before he climbed on top of me, kissing me eagerly, tangling his fingers up in my hair.

"You were so sexy tonight," he hissed in my ear as I ran my fingers down his torso. "Watching you make dinner, set the table, play the cute little housewife... Mmm, I can still smell the wine on you, beautiful. It's sinful."

I sighed as he began kissing down my neck, down the valley between my breasts, down my stomach. Just before his lips touched where I so ached for them to be, he pulled away and moved back so that his eyes were level with mine, burning with desire.

Before I had a chance to process what he'd done, I could feel him inside me and I gasped and that still slightly foreign feeling of fullness when he entered me made me dizzy with excitement and happiness. I grasped at his shoulders and said, "I love you," watching him smirk proudly as he began to pull out slightly, eliciting moans from both of us. His eyes glittered as he pressed his lips to mine again, pushing in to the hilt this time.

We fell into a rhythm quickly, getting better with every thrust, my nails digging into his back as I forgot all about the war and the Order and the fact that Sirius might not be coming home in a month's time. Everything was lost to pants and moans and delicious pleasure, the feel of his body against mine, the smell of our sweat and arousal mixing, the way he kissed me when he wanted to hide the noises he was making.

I could feel him tensing and knew he was close and he threw back his head from the kiss and screamed my name.

That put me over my tenuous edge and I cried out, feeling the climax rushing through me in waves as he came, filling me, saying my name all over again...

Every time was better than the last, it seemed.

As we lay there, panting, sweating, and shaking on top of the sheets, I looked up at Sirius, exhausted.

"Wow," I sighed. "I never thought..."

"What?" he rasped. "What is it?"

"I never thought I could feel something so incredibly strong," I finally managed to say, wrapping my arms around him and feeling something thick and sticky on my arms as I did. I frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"I think I drew blood."

Sirius chuckled, kissing me once more.

"A little," he muttered in my ear, turning us onto our sides. "We'll clean up in the morning. I'll see if I can't get Remus to make them scar. I quite like the idea of scars of your passion on my back."

It was a good thing that he turned the lights off just then, because the blush I could feel pooling on my cheeks was bound to make him laugh at me.


	2. Place Settings

**A/N: Vanessa's POV, this chapter is dedicated to new reader **_**TomFeltonLover007**_**. May you enjoy this new chapter, and this new point of view I'm tossing at you guys! I've had a lot of fun writing Vanessa, and I hope you have as much fun reading her!**

** -C**

I smiled my most graceful smile, pretending to care about the inane story Avery was telling.

Courting had always seemed like such a wonderful thing, until I was sitting there, listening to Jack Avery basically spend two hours telling me how wonderful he was.

Why women always said courting was glamorous, I had no idea.

"That's lovely," I said when his mother looked at me expectantly after I sipped some of her elf-made wine. "How long has the recipe been in the family again?"

"Six centuries," she told me stiffly, and I gave her my most attractive impressed expression, hoping she would be charmed.

She was, smiling at me in her stiff way.

Everything she did was stiff, smiling, walking, speaking, glaring.

"It's so delicious," I said, being as composed as possible. Gushing would appear immature. "Even if your family and home weren't so charming I think I would court your son for this wine alone."

Mr. Avery raised his eyebrows.

Too much.

"Vanessa, dear, would you walk in the garden with me?" Jack said, perhaps wanting to snog.

I hated snogging Jack, but I just smiled.

"Not today, Jack," Mr. Avery said sternly. "They're fixing the landscaping and I don't want it delayed."

"Oh, are you having your regular staff do it, or hiring a contractor?" I asked, finally interested in what was being discussed.

"Our staff is assisting an expert landscaper," Mr. Avery said lazily. "He redid the Malfoy Manor to Narcissa Black's taste, while still managing to keep all of the distinct style of the Malfoy aesthetic. When I saw that, I knew he was the right person for our home."

Home was a bit of a strange word choice, I thought, considering the absolute massive size of the building they lived in.

Fourteen bedrooms.

"He sounds fantastic," I said with a bright smile. "What sort of changes are you making?"

"We're adding a wall of irises on the back fence," Mrs. Avery said happily. "And I made certain there's a collection of freesias in the fountain arrangement. I know how much you like freesias."

It was with that statement that I knew I'd won over his parents. They were landscaping with me in mind, and the charm was complete. All I had to do was keep it up until the wedding and my future would be set.

Jack helped me put my cloak on about half an hour later and his mother sighed.

"Oh, I wish you could stay for lunch, dear," she sighed.

"I do as well," I lied, "but commitments are commitments."

"Oh, quite," she agreed.

Of course, my commitment was lunch with Peter Pettigrew, who was still the easiest person in the world to string along. He was even easier than Mrs. Avery.

I went to the Muggle bar where we always met and saw him sitting in a corner, drinking a beer, looking eagerly for me. With a sultry grin, I took my cloak off and slid into the booth beside him.

"Hello, Peter," I whispered, watching him shiver slightly. "I see you have a drink."

"Want me to get you one?" he asked.

He'd been doing this thing lately where he tried to make his voice lower, maybe thinking it was sexy.

I don't think Peter realized that no matter what he did, he would never have a prayer of even resembling sexy.

Still, I grinned and shook my head.

"I've been drinking already," I said honestly. "I had an early society luncheon. The elf-made wine is sort of a necessary part of those things."

Peter, having never really been to a society event, just nodded as if he knew exactly what I was talking about.

"I love that shirt," I lied. "Is it new?"

"Yeah, Sirius got it for me," Peter said casually. "It was a graduation present. He said he didn't really know what else to get me and thought it might look nice."

It certainly would have looked nice on someone like Sirius, but on Peter it was like stuffing a pig into a silk shirt.

It was an insult to the shirt.

Still, I mused, Sirius did have fine taste in clothing. Unlike Jack. Jack would probably wear whatever his mother put in front of him without a second glance.

In fact, I wouldn't have been surprised to find that this was the very method he used for dressing each morning.

"I've been a bit _bored_," I sighed, in Peter's ear, "since graduation."

I let my fingers trail up his thigh and he looked up at me with wide, adoring eyes.

Never did I tire of that look. From Peter, from Jack, from every boy I'd ever strung along. The way they looked at me like they wanted nothing more than to worship me... It was a drug.

"I can't stay too long," I said with a pout, "but I just wanted to check in, see that you were still... interested."

"I am," Peter said too quickly to pay it cool. "You've been so distant that I wasn't sure you still-"

"Peter," I said with a forced chuckle. "Could I really just send you regular letters with you Marauders being as attached as you always are? And with all the stuff Dumbledore wants you to do. What is he having you do, by the way?"

I held my breath, waiting for things I could make notes of later.

Peter shrugged.

"Nothing really, yet," he said dismissively. "But we don't have our first meeting until next week, so maybe we'll get down to some exciting stuff." He grinned. "Wouldn't it be cool, going off into battle?"

"Don't they leave that sort of thing for Aurors?" I teased. He dampened a bit. "Look, I've got stuff I've got to do, but I'll check in sometime in the next week or two, okay?"

"Not before?" he asked nervously.

"Bit busy," I said slowly, "but I'll see what I can do."

He nodded, I let him kiss my cheek, and I disappeared before he tried to give me an actually kiss, the wanker.

The following day I had an actual society luncheon, the first one the Averys were hosting of the season, as their landscaping was finished the night before.

Which was why, of course, Jack was not allowed to put it off timing. That could have been a disaster.

"What a lovely job, Mrs. Avery," I said sweetly.

"Oh, Vanessa, dear, you robes are divine!" Mrs. Avery said.

She was in a remarkably good mood that day, I decided, kissing her cheek as she'd asked me to do.

"Thank you very much, Mrs. Avery," I replied, giving her my best impression of one graciously flattered. "I did consider very carefully. I know how very important today is for your new landscaping. And as I said, it's truly exquisite."

"Perhaps we could grace it with something equally exquisite," Jack said smoothly, holding his arm out to me.

So he'd gotten permission to walk me in the gardens today. I had the distinct impression that every eye at the party was on us as I took his arm, allowing Jack to walk me away into the garden where we had at least the illusion of privacy.

"Those robes do suit you," Jack said, kissing my hand.

It was all practiced, all scripted. Even the length of time he lingered with my fingers to his lips was counted to the second. The way I licked my lips in anticipation, the giddy sort of nervous actions I had been practicing in front of a mirror for weeks.

Because I had a pretty good idea of what was about to happen, and one couldn't be too cool in the face of such an act, especially one with every acceptable pureblood basically in attendance.

"Thank you," I whispered, pretending to be enchanted with everything.

"Vanessa, we have been courting for a while," Jack said slowly. "I know that we had little to do with each other in school, but I believe that despite this we have had a very successful courtship."

I nodded, smiling, even though our courtship wasn't particularly special. It wasn't a failure, if that was what he meant, but that was hardly an accomplishment.

He cleared his throat.

"It would do me a great honor," he said in a voice louder than really necessary, "if you would become my wife, Vanessa."

For some reason my heart was racing even though I felt incredibly calm.

Of course, it had to be that day. The event would then serve as an invitation to the engagement party, as it would be improper to treat it as the engagement party proper. I stood there, thinking over logistics, realizing I'd yet to give an answer, hoping I hadn't been standing there too long.

"Jack," I said sweetly, quivering my voice just a little for effect, "there is nothing that would please me more."

That was one of my more complete lies. Most of the things I said had at least a sliver of truth in them. However, I could think in that very moment of many things that would please me more.

Marrying James Potter.

Making Sirius Black scream my name again.

Making Amy McAuley beg for mercy.

Tearing out all of Lily Evans's precious hair.

The list went on and on. I even felt angry at Sarah Kelly and Marlene McKinnon, although they were followers. The state of my life was less their fault, less than even Remus or Peter.

Peter.

I curled my lips into a smile as Jack put his family ring on my finger, but what was I going to do about Peter?

We rejoined the party to much congratulation, but I couldn't help but think of how to proceed in regards to Peter now that I was getting married.

A particularly cruel though occurred to me that Peter was in the Order, and Jack would almost certainly be a Death Eater, if he wasn't one already.

I hadn't thought it polite to ask.

I sipped my wine thoughtfully, considering the possibilities of getting involved in politics for personal revenge.

It really didn't matter to me which side won. I would find a way to be successful no matter what. Perhaps I would be a bit more comfortable with Voldemort running things, being a pureblood with no particular talent beside my abilities for social maneuvering and above-average skill in Potions. The last thing I needed was to have my husband under suspicion, or worse, on trial for atrocities.

No, I was fairly certain my life would be easier if Voldemort won, not that I really cared one way or another about Muggle-borns. They could live or die for all I cared.

I tapped the stem of my crystal wine goblet thoughtfully, smiling absently as I was supposed to do at these things, especially on such a 'happy day' as this.

There were certainly reasons I should ditch Peter, or at least put him on the backburner until I'd had a chance to discuss matters with my husband-to-be. On the other hand, it would be easier to keep stringing him along if I didn't have a gap in our communication a mile long, or if I didn't go cold.

Peter might be a bit daft, but he was sensitive to when he was getting the shaft, obviously. If he hadn't been he wouldn't have been so easy to charm away from the loyalties of the Marauders. It wouldn't be prudent to let him start to feel as though I wasn't paying him the attention he felt due if I would need him later.

I took another sip of my wine, deciding in that moment that I would at least string him along until Jack and I had reason to discuss the matter more thoroughly and I would have to make a final decision.

Finishing off my drink I stood, making my way through the crowd, playing the part of the thrilled bride-to-be.

"Vanessa!" said a voice I would rather not have heard at that moment, but I put on a smile and turned to face Walburga Black.

"Mrs. Black!" I said, in my most delighted voice. "I didn't know you were coming! How is Regulus?"

"Oh, he's getting ready for his seventh year," Walburga said shrilly. "We're very proud. Now if he only finds a nice girl like you. What do you know about Priscilla Flint?"

"I know that she's the only person in her family who doesn't look part troll," I said in a sweet voice. "Which could be a positive, or you might want someone with... better genes."

"Hmm, I see your point," Walburga said darkly. "Well, we can't all have your lovely bone structure, dear."

"No," Vanessa agreed, thinking of the irony of saying it to Sirius's mother, who could have done with a boost in bone structure herself. "No, we certainly can't."

"If you think of anyone, dear, do let me know," Walburga then insisted, and Vanessa told her that she would, but she honestly couldn't think of anyone who would be not only a suitable match for Regulus, but also someone she wanted to spend time with at these disgusting functions.

I took my leave of Walburga Black and wandered through the crowd, thanking people who gave me their congratulations, until Lucius Malfoy grabbed me by the arm and led me into the garden rather forcefully.

"Congratulations," he muttered, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "How do you feel about your consolation prize?"

"Cute, Lucius," I drawled, sitting on the edge of the tall fountain so that I was more leaning than sitting. He stood to the side of me, facing me but looking over at the rose garden.

"Jack is, as I'm sure you know, due to be joining a very prestigious group of pureblooded wizards soon."

"Of course," I replied coolly, not looking up at him. I knew as well as anyone that Jack's father had been in the Dark Lord's inner circle for as long as anyone could even recall. To say that the expectation was heavy upon Jack was a vast understatement. The pressure upon him to join made the pressure that had been placed on the Black brothers look like a finger's press. "How soon is soon?"

"I do not know yet," Lucius answered, and I could do naught but assume he was being honest with me. "What I do know is that there will be expectations on you as his wife, when that day does come."

"I assumed as much," I drawled, looking at my nails.

"It seemed unfair of me not to warn you when I know," he said softly. "Well, there would still be time to have the engagement fall apart, and I know how hard it all is on Narcissa. I just wanted to be sure you understood, because once you are married there will be no turning back."

I looked at him, but he was still staring at the roses, his face a blank mask.

Had his voice broken for a moment there?

Lucius and I had been about four or five years apart in school, so we'd never really spent a lot of time together, but he and Jack came from families that had been close for generations, so I'd seen quite a lot of him at various functions once I'd started courting Jack. Everything I had learned about him and his mannerisms during that time made me wonder what was going through his head, what it was he was trying to say to me, that he would behave so strangely.

"I know," I said softly, arranging my face into my own mask, knowing that if we stayed in the garden too long someone would come looking for us, and I couldn't have an incredulous expression.

"Lucius!" Narcissa called.

"That my cue," he muttered, turning to me with a dark expression in his cold, gray eyes. How different they looked from Sirius's eyes. "Have a lovely afternoon, Miss Brown. My wife and I need to go. This heat does not agree with her."

He lifted my hand to his lips, which were nearly as cold as his eyes, and then he walked away, leaving me leaning against the fountain, alone.

"Vanessa?"

I was getting a bit sick of hearing my own name, but I smiled as I turned to see Rabastan Lestrange strolling toward me.

"Yes," I said brightly, realizing that I had to get out of there before the sound of my own voice made me feel sick.

"What did Lucius say to you?"

"Oh, we were talking about the roses," I lied, smiling over at the rose garden. "Aren't they beautiful?"

Rabastan's face was still dark, and he did not turn to look at the flowers before saying, "Quite."

Something about the way Rabastan stood there watching me for a crack in my armor made me think that Lucius might have said something he wasn't supposed to tell me, and I just smiled.

"Have you seen Jack?" I said sweetly. "I haven't seen him since the proposal."

"Afraid he's got cold feet?"

Yes, apparently Lucius was not supposed to speak to me about getting out if I couldn't handle the lifestyle Jack was taking.

"I should hope not," I replied coolly. "Because he's not getting this ring back easily if he has, especially not if he has so quickly."

"Tread carefully, Brown," Rabastan said softly as I went to walk away, to find Jack, make my excuses of exhaustion, and go home. "I know Bellatrix things you would make a fun toy."

"No doubt she would," I said smoothly. "And I always tread carefully, Rabastan. One doesn't have to be a Slytherin to be careful."

But as I walked away from him as boldly as possible, I felt incredibly uncomfortable leaving my back exposed, more so than usual at such events.

I couldn't back down, though. Not if I was going to have my revenge. Jack was my chance, and I was going to take full advantage.


	3. Order

**A/N: Sirius's POV, and this chapter is dedicated to **_**Missing Triforce**_**, my loyal reader and reviewer, editor, and best friend, who has been such a faithful force in getting this story going. Couldn't do it without you!**

** -C**

We sat in a house waiting for everyone to get together for the Order meeting, the first one our graduating class would be attending. Remus was sitting across from me, and I could feel James beside me without even looking. His hand would be clasped in Lily's like mine should have been in that moment with Amy's, but Amy refused to join the Order.

I missed her every moment she wasn't by my side anymore, never knowing what was going to happen when I wasn't looking.

"How's Amy, Sirius?" Remus asked with a smile.

"She's good," I said honestly, thinking of the way she kissed me when I left. She'd done it on purpose, knowing I'd be thinking of her the whole time instead of focusing properly on the meeting. Perhaps it was selfish of her, but I never minded when Amy was selfish because it meant excellent sex that night.

I closed my eyes and smiled, thinking of all the things I wanted to do with her.

"Sirius," Remus said with an amused smile, "we're here to talk about fighting Death Eaters, not to give you an opportunity to fantasize about your girlfriend."

I looked at him and grinned.

"Oh, Moony, every moment I'm not with her is an opportunity to fantasize."

His face darkened and I wanted to hit myself for my insensitivity.

He'd been moody about Lily and James and Amy and me since graduation, the last day he'd seen Sarah Kelly, Amy's former best friend. We were all sort of hoping she'd come to her senses and realize he wasn't some sort of dangerous beast, but our regular efforts just made her cut all of us off instead of push them together.

Not to mention, I knew he still had a bit of a crush on Amy, in spite of his efforts to get over it.

Before I had a chance to apologize, the meeting was called to order by Professor Dumbledore, who was sitting down at the head of the long table.

"As you can all see," he said softly, "we have a few new additions tonight. Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, James Potter, Lily Evans, and Marlene McKinnon. Feel free to introduce yourselves after the meeting. You may be working with them in the future. Now, to get us started off, Caradoc, how are things going in Cardiff?"

"Badly," a man with eyes so light they looked unreal said softly from the far end of the table. He then proceeded to explicate everything that was going wrong in minute detail, and why it was that these things were so bad. I felt like I ought to be taking notes, and by the way Lily's hand was twitching, she was feeling the same way.

It was a shame I barely had a moment to think about the implications of Caradoc's mission in Wales before Dedalus Diggle began expounding on the problems in Kent. There was so much ground to catch up on. I was just beginning to get a feel for the scope of the war, the incredible numbers of Death Eaters and their pawns, and our remarkably paltry numbers, by comparison or otherwise.

"But we're well organized," Dorcas Meadowes said happily. "That's the important thing. You can get a lot done with proper organization."

I really wanted to believe her, but I happened to know that the Death Eaters were well-organized, too. It wasn't an advantage if both sides had it. I was honestly struggling to find our advantage as we dug in to dinner.

"It's what we're fighting for," Caradoc told me when I asked him quietly over firewhiskey. "If you look back in history, all these oppressive psychopaths, they get numbers, they've got power, their empires seem indestructible. But you know, it's funny, we say all kinds of things about how evil wins sometimes in life, but I've found that pure evil, the real thing, the thing we're fighting here...it might win some battles, but it always loses the war. It's just a matter of time."

"How long is a matter of time, though?" I asked. "I mean, this war has been going on for years."

I didn't want to come across sounding pessimistic, but I had Amy to think of. I wanted to be realistic. I wanted to know what sort of promises I could make her.

"Honestly?" Caradoc said darkly. "I really couldn't say." He put down his firewhiskey and frowned at me. "You know, I know you've got a girl. I heard you talking to Remus about it. She's not joining?"

"No," I said, maybe a bit too quickly. He seemed to recognize what I meant.

"I doubt she'll be kept out of this, Sirius," Caradoc said gently. "You can protect her all you want, but I lost my girl in this battle. Tortured and killed. She was pregnant, too, four months along."

I shivered, thinking of Amy being tortured and killed, and what was worse easily thinking of half a dozen people who would be delighted to do it just to hurt me. I hadn't even had to join the Order for that to be true. She was in danger just with my not joining the path my family had set for me, in my being a blood traitor.

Thanking Caradoc hollowly for his insights and finishing my drink, I went to a side room off the kitchen, my whole body shaking as I tried not to think of a pregnant Amy, belly swollen with our child, screaming as my cousin cursed her.

I felt sick to my stomach and I wanted to go home to Amy right away, to comfort myself with her smiling face and kisses, to know that she was all right. I had made arrangements to go back to my place with Lily and James as they were coming to dinner, but I very nearly grabbed my coat and left right then. Instead, Remus slid into the room I was in with a solemn face and I knew I needed to talk to him before I left.

"Hey," I said nervously, watching him sit on a sofa as I sat on the arm of an armchair. "How are you feeling, Remus?"

He rubbed his forehead with the heel of his hand and after a moment said, "Terrible."

James had already told me that Remus's last letter to Sarah had been returned not only unopened, but with a rather angry Howler accompanying it, telling him to stop writing her or she'd be sending an actual curse next time. Remus had almost written a reply anyway, but James and Lily had talked him out of it, thankfully.

We had really all seen this coming for some time, but it still couldn't be easy for Remus to take, especially as it had all been going on for months.

"I know what you're going to ask," I told him slowly, gently as I could. "But you know I can't have Amy talk to Sarah about it again, Moony. I just can't."

"Why not?" Remus whined desperately.

I shook my head.

He was honestly too far gone to remember good reason. Had I been this insane when I was mooning over Amy foolishly, thinking she didn't want me?

I hoped not.

"Remus, she's not speaking to Amy either," I reminded him. "And even if she was, she's put her foot down. You need to get over Sarah Kelly. She's made up her mind long ago and there really doesn't seem to be hope in changing it."

Remus looked so defeated when I said these words that I half-regretted saying them, but he needed to hear it. He sank to the floor burying his face in his hands and sobbing. I moved to sit beside him, patting his shoulder comfortingly as I could.

After all, Remus had been there for me when I had despaired. It all seemed a bit like a distant dream, the time before I knew that Amy loved me once I realized that I loved her. Much of seventh year seemed like a dream, or a nightmare, from her illness where the virus was eating her brain to the death of James's father that had led to our first actual sexual encounter.

Memories were fuzzy, almost romanticized. Sometimes it was hard to believe that those people were us, looking back.

"She's right, of course," Remus finally sniffed, wiping his nose on the handkerchief I handed him. "I mean, it's an awful lot to ask of her, tethering herself to one of my kind."

I sighed.

When Remus started in on the "my kind" business we kept a close eye on him. He hadn't ever done anything suicidal, but if he ever did it would be when he got on those ridiculous "my kind" speeches. How hard could it be to kill yourself if you didn't even think of yourself as human?

Most days were not so bad, but this was obviously a bad day.

"Remus, it would have been a second date," I reminded him patiently as possible. "Not tethering or anything like it."

He shook his head.

"You don't understand," he moaned. "The sort of stigma that would be attached to her if anyone ever knew she'd even gone out on a single date with someone like me…."

I did understand, having grown up in a household that held to such stigma, but he didn't want me to understand in that moment because that would give weight to what I was saying to him, and he was too upset to want to be wrong. He wanted me to be open-minded from birth, like Amy, and tell him there was nothing dangerous about him, or a tad naïve like Lily, and say that attitudes could change.

Attitudes never changed. He was right, Sarah being with him was like sentencing herself to a life of being on the outside looking in at everyone else, but it wasn't as though anything really would have changed. Research, which was what she wanted to do, wouldn't be affected by such a life, and all of her friends were Remus's friends. Perhaps her parents would mind, but they really didn't even have to know.

There were dozens of excuses for adopting instead of having their own kids.

"I don't know what to tell you, Moony, except you can't let this rule your life," I said with a sigh. "I know it seems like it's the end of the world, but you're part of the Order now. People depend on you. There's stuff to live for even if you don't have Sarah. Right?"

"Right," he muttered, and he didn't seem to be appreciating the pep talk. It wasn't really meant to be a pep talk, but without my realizing it had turned into one of James's well-practiced locker room speeches.

I shuddered a little, wondering if maybe James would be giving more of those same talks before missions. Maybe Lily could talk him out of it. Lily could talk him out of or into almost anything.

Speaking of Lily and James….

"Hey," Lily said, walking into the room with her fiancé in tow. "Are you about ready to go?" she asked delicately, not looking at Remus.

She had come to the firm decision that coddling Remus was only going to make things harder in the long run. She had this habit of pretending he wasn't really in pain, in hopes that he would be forced to get over it more quickly.

I wasn't sure she had the right idea, but I didn't really have a better one. I stood up, patting Remus's head awkwardly. I nodded and stretched.

"Yeah, Amy will be wondering what's taking so long," I said conversationally. "See you later, Moony. Take care of yourself, yeah?"

He made a noncommittal sort of noise and James made a concerned face, but Lily, stubborn bird that she was, just pulled the both of us into the hall to grab our cloaks before she Disapparated holding both of us, bringing us to the front steps of my house.

Amy was in the kitchen when we got inside and I smiled at her, thinking about all the things that were supposed to turn out one way and turned out another. Work, for example.

Peter had a job doing filing at St. Mungo's a few days a week, which was all he needed with his mother putting him up still. Marlene, of all things, had become a spokesperson for the Chudley Cannons, fielding press and going to all the matches. James would have been jealous if the Cannons weren't the most depressingly terrible team in the league.

And like Sarah, who had let to procure a job as a researcher, Amy hadn't found a job. She tried to be positive about it, but I knew it was bothering her.

"Amy!" Lily said happily, kissing Amy on the cheek. "The boys are going out in a few weeks. We should have a girls' night."

"That'd be great," Amy said, kissing me firmly when I came up and wrapped my arms around her. The moment my lips touched hers I forgot there was anyone else in the room and I found myself backing her into the kitchen counter, begging with my lips for more.

There was the sound of James clearing his throat, and although I tried to ignore it and enjoy the feel of Amy's body against mine, Amy peeled herself away from me deftly and laughed.

"Sorry, guys," she said, patting my head. "He gets this way after separations, no matter how brief.

I pouted, but she was right. I needed to stop clinging to her so much. It was probably my fault she hadn't accepted the job at St. Mungo's Peter tried to get her. She was worried what I'd do all day without her to keep me company.

"What smells so good?" Lily asked, setting out glasses at the table and pouring wine while James and I sat down. Amy was bringing a bowl over.

"Pesto and cheese tortellini," Amy said, putting the bowl down. "And I've made a salad. And there's some ham as well because I knew Sirius would whine if I didn't put out any meat."

"I resent that," I teased, kissing her cheek as she put the salad and ham on the table.

We began to dig in, James telling Amy all of the non-secret things about the meeting, which wasn't much.

I didn't like having to keep such a big part of my life from Amy, but it had been her choice. She didn't want to join the Order, just as Dumbledore had predicted. I couldn't understand why, but I thought it had something to do with losing her sister.

"So," she said, when James had finished the retelling, "how are wedding preparations going, Lily?"

I bit the inside of my lip to keep from groaning.

It was all either girl wanted to talk about once we got out of Hogwarts. It wasn't that I wasn't interested in the wedding or excited about the wedding, but I really didn't care about the tales of Lily's attempts to find the perfect china pattern, or the significance of the type and number of bouquets.

James, too, got a bit glassy-eyed as the girls started to talk about what sorts of shoes Marlene and Amy would be wearing as bridesmaids, and I smiled to myself, cutting my ham and thinking how much easier our lives would be when the whole mess was finally over and she was no longer Evans, but Lily Potter.

I glanced over at Amy, who was putting more salad on my plate a she nodded at what Lily was saying, her eyes glowing. James could say all he wanted about Lily's eyes, but as far as I was concerned Amy's green eyes were the most beautiful eyes in the world. She brushed a bit of her brown hair back and caught my eye and laughed. I smiled at her, long since having lost track of whatever they were saying.

Amy was smiling at me. What did anything else matter?

I suddenly had the urge to do something, to say something, but I bit it back, swallowing the urge down with the last bit of pasta on my plate.

My eyes flickered toward the ring on Lily's hand. I had seen it before, on Mrs. Potter's hand, many, many times. Once her husband had died, Mrs. Potter had been more than pleased to let her son give it to the "love of his life."

The Blacks had a ring like that, too. My mother hadn't worn it in my memory, but I had seen it a few times. It was a beautiful ring, sitting in the family Gringotts vault, and it was once my responsibility to choose the pureblooded girl who would wear it.

Amy deserved a ring like that, but I wouldn't be able to give one to her. Even if I got a job and saved up, it would take me years to afford something so perfect for her. The inheritance from Uncle Alphard was an annuity, so I could always wait a few years…or twenty years.

No, I couldn't wait twenty years to put a ring on Amy's finger. But how long could I wait? I could tell by the shine in her eyes talking about Lily's wedding that she wanted a wedding of her own.

"So, what do you think, Sirius?" Lily asked, and I froze.

I was supposed to have been listening. I looked up at James for help, but he just gave me an apologetic look to indicate that he hadn't been listening either.

"I think it sounds great," I offered hopefully.

Amy raised her eyebrows.

"Really?" she said. "I would have thought you would have been adverse to the idea of wearing a pink tie.

Shit.

"I mean, it's Lily's day, right?" I said weakly. "It's just once. I mean, how many people are feasibly going to be at this thing? Let them laugh."

Lily beamed at me and although I was going to burn the tie right after the ceremony and James was glaring daggers at me because this was clearly something he'd been fighting with her about, if Amy gave me that look every time I agreed with Lily I'd wear a whole pink suit.


	4. September First

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to new reader/reviewer, **_**sarahmichellegellarfan1**_**. Enjoy!**

** -C**

Marlene and Lily were sitting on the floor of the kitchen, each with a pint of ice cream in hand, and I with a pint in mine. We had our spoons at the ready and we were looking at each other, waiting for someone else to go first.

"You're sure Sirius doesn't mind?" Marlene asked nervously. "I mean, he does buy the ice cream."

I snorted.

"I make him buy the ice cream. He prefers chocolate."

Lily looked at her pint, nibbling on her lip.

"What if I don't fit in my wedding dress?" she said nervously.

Marlene and I both rolled our eyes. We knew that Lily was excited with all the preparations, that she was getting caught up in wedding fever, but this was getting a bit absurd.

"Lily," Marlene said reasonably, "one pint of ice cream is not going to turn you into a tub of lard."

"And even if it did," I added, ignoring Marlene's hiss, "you're a witch, and you could use a few of your famous altering charms to make your dress fit again. Just shut up and eat the ice cream."

And to avoid further argument on either of their parts I dug in my spoon and began hungrily gobbling the pint of ice cream. They followed suit moments after I began to eat, the cold and delicious indulgence slipping easily down my throat.

We'd already done many of the girly-night sorts of things. We'd done our nails – fingers and toes – and waxed our legs. We used new masks for our faces and hair that the publicity people at the Cannons wanted Marlene to try out to make her more photo-friendly (they were vultures, all of them). We'd flipped through magazines and gossiped, although most of the magazines were bridal ones and most of the gossip was about James and Sirius.

"Did you see Remus at the meeting?" Marlene said in a low voice. "I thought he was going to kill himself right there, in front of everyone."

I shifted uncomfortably, using my spoon to loosen the softening ice cream.

"Don't exaggerate, Marlene," Lily said sternly. "He was simply more upset than usual. And he had a right to be, I suppose, but I think Sirius talked him down."

"But what happened?" Marlene demanded. "I mean, I didn't feel like talking to him at the meeting. Who knows what trigger I might have set off accidentally? And you guys left before I could ask."

Lily proceeded to tell us about the Howler Sarah had sent back with her last letter, and Remus's desperate, depressed response to it all.

"I hate that she's doing this to him," I said sadly, "but at the same time, he's basically forcing himself to keep being spurned by continuing to try to make her change her mind."

We all nodded.

It was just one ugly mess of a cycle.

"What do you suggest we do about him, Lily?" Marlene asked through a mouthful of ice cream. "I mean, we can't let him go on like this. We're his friends!"

It was getting harder and harder to think of ways to help Remus, and Lily's stance that propping him up and letting him continue how he was would only hurt him had begun to grow on me. I knew it was hard for the boys to think they were doing anything but abandoning him if they did that, but all we had done thus far was enable him. I couldn't watch the downward spiral anymore.

"We're going to have to make a plan for some serious tough love," I said decisively, running my spoon along the top of the softening ice cream. "But the question is how to do it just enough to snap him out of it and not so much that we break his spirit entirely?"

"I think you should do it, Amy," Lily said thoughtfully, tapping her navy blue fingernails against the tile of Sirius's kitchen floor. Well, Sirius's and my kitchen floor. I may not have paid for any of it, but Sirius and I referred to everything as ours, not his.

"Why me?" I said, trying very hard not to sound like I was whining.

But I was absolutely whining and we all knew it.

"Because he seems to take better to your intervention than anyone else's," Lily said, not realizing the implications of what he was saying.

Because I knew that he didn't mind me giving tough love as much because he still had a crush on me, and I also knew that Sirius would have very mixed feelings about my being the representative to bring him out of his darkness. I had mixed feelings about it myself.

"I'll think about it," I finally agreed, suddenly feeling no joy in my half-eaten pint of ice cream. I licked my spoon completely clean, capped the pint with the spoon still in my mouth, and got to my feet. The girls gave me questioning looks and I said, "I'll finish it later. I'm sort of full."

I tossed the spoon in the sink and they took the opportunity to admit that they, too, were full, and we marked our pints and stuck them back in the freezer.

"So," Lily said, tossing her hair. "What do we do now?"

"We could rearrange all of Sirius's stuff," Marlene said with a grin.

I took a step back as they both turned to me, smiling Marauder-like smiles.

They made good pleas, of course. For one thing, he'd done the same to us many times. Well, them. Sirius had never actually pranked me.

Fair was fair, they told me, and somehow I found myself participating in a feeble, pointless attempt to prank my boyfriend. I stopped them at shrinking his underwear. It was enough that they'd put all his socks with the wrong pairs. I didn't want to have to beg him not to get them back. It was exhausting enough just to deal with him when I wasn't trying to convince him of something.

Sirius must have come back after I'd already gone to bed once the girls left, because when I woke up the following morning he was there, pressing his lips to my cheek gently, stretching from sleep.

"Good morning, beautiful," he sighed, pressing a more heated kiss to my jaw.

"Did you have fun last night?" I asked, smiling.

"I have more fun with you," he teased, tickling me slightly under the covers. I squirmed a bit, but he was never cruel about it. He only tickled long enough for me to squirm before moving his hands to other pursuits.

"I should warn you that the girls were insistent about pranking you," I sighed as he kissed his way down to my breasts. He just laughed.

"How sweet of them," he said. "I take you don't want me to retaliate?"

"It wouldn't even be worth it," I snorted. "It wasn't a very good prank."

"As you wish, my love," he sighed, pressing a quick kiss to my collarbone before smiling up at me. "Do you know what today is?"

I frowned, thinking. We didn't have an anniversary. Our anniversary was Valentine's Day. Was there something important about the day of the week?

Sirius laughed.

"It's September first, darling," he said, kissing my chest again. "In about half an hour, we were catching our last train to a year at Hogwarts last year."

I raised my eyebrows, realizing he was right. We were officially done with school, and it hadn't hit so strongly as it did in that moment. His kisses, the sun peeking through the blinds, the sense that it would be lunchtime sooner that I wanted to think about….

"What do you want to do to celebrate, then?" I asked, fairly sure I already knew his answer.

He gave me his most lascivious grin and then bent his head back to my collarbone, placing a very hot open-mouthed kiss right at the hollow of my throat. I bit back a sigh as he traced his hands up from thighs to the hem of my nightgown.

"You don't need this," he growled, breaking his lips from my body long enough to pull the nightgown off me. He sat up, letting the covers fall off us, my body laid mostly bare before him as he pulled off his shirt, leaving the pair of us in only our underwear.

I could feel my heartbeat in my throat as his eyes raked my skin. Knowing from habit what he would ask next, I sat up off the pillows. His lips curled into a smirk and he lifted a hand to quickly, deftly unclasp my bra. I let it slide off my shoulders and he tossed it aside carelessly, pushing me back on the pillows and immediately taking my right breast in his mouth like a starving man.

After a few times of sex I'd worked up enough courage to tell him that his teeth were being too hard on my sensitive nipples, and he'd gotten it right every time since.

The feel of his hair between my fingers was just a subconscious trigger for pleasure by this point, and I ran my fingers lazily through his hair as he moved to the left breast. His fingers were at the sides of my panties, thumbs hooked at the sides, pulling them slowly down my legs. When he pulled away from my breasts I kicked the panties away, giving him time to scramble out of his boxers.

Just as his hair between my fingers turned me on, the sight of him on his knees above me, naked and eyes full of lust, was all it took to make me want him inside me.

The magazines Sarah and I had read were right. After two weeks of shagging every couple of days, I no longer felt discomfort or pain when he entered me, and a week after that of shagging every night and we'd figured out how to make it so that I came every time from penetration alone. It hadn't been easy and had taken a lot of initial communication, but Sirius never needed to be told something twice when it came to sex.

I was lucky in that way, I mused as he continued kissing and touching me to ready me. He rarely asked me to orally pleasure him, which he quickly learned I not only didn't enjoy but wasn't very good at, and he knew dozens of ways to work me into a frenzy so that sex was pleasurable for both of us. Lily didn't often complain about James, but she had, on occasion, mentioned that he wasn't the most adept lover, although not for lack of trying. Sirius was just a natural, I supposed.

We spent the whole of the remainder of the morning in bed, and by the time two in the afternoon rolled around we were collapsed, tired and sated and covered in our commingled sweat. I was lying on top of him for a while, my head rested on his chest as his fingers lazily massaged my scalp.

"That was so much better than going back to school," he sighed, and I just smiled against his skin.

Going to Hogwarts had always been one of my favorite parts of the year, but I had to concede that he was right. This definitely topped it.

I rolled off him and curled up so that we were on our sides, facing each other. His hand moved to my waist, pulling me against him so that our skin was pressed together and our legs tangled. Sirius engaged me in a lazy, happy kiss and I returned it. This was the best part of living together, moments like this when we didn't have to worry about who might come in, about how long we could stay together…. Moments when I could just be with Sirius and relish in his presence.

He pulled out of the kiss and pressed his lips to my forehead as my fingers traced his skin absently.

I loved running my fingers along Sirius's skin, and he sighed contentedly as my fingers moved from his chest to his neck, massaging gently. His head bent forward and his lips danced lazily at my own neck.

"I love you," he murmured. "I love you so, so much."

"I love you too," I said, smiling at the soft feel of his lips on my skin.

I was surprised when he raised his head, smiling at me, his eyes suddenly proud.

"Got you something last night when we were out," he said, grinning. "Remus helped me pick it out. I think it cheered him up."

"Really?" I said hopefully. Anything that cheered Remus was already good, and if Sirius got a second – more tasteful – opinion, he was less likely to get me something awful. It had only happened a couple of times, but I always dreaded gifts that might be terrible. "Am I allowed to ask what it is, or are you saving it for some special occasion?"

He smiled and sat up.

"I'm saving it for now. Wait right here, beautiful, and I'll go get it."

I watched him get out of bed, watched the way his body looked as he left the room. It was incredibly sexy, the way that he never bothered to cover up when we were alone. It probably turned him on, knowing I was watching his naked body move. I could never get over how incredibly perfect every part of him looked.

Waiting didn't take long, but gave me enough time to prop myself up on the pillows and stretch my body in a way I knew he liked. Sure enough, when he came back in with a small bag his eyes widened and he froze in his tracks.

"Merlin," he said shakily. "I look away for seconds and I swear you get more beautiful."

I grinned, sitting up a bit more as he sat down beside me on the bed, setting the bag between us and brushing a bit of hair behind my ear.

"Carulio's?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at the bag. "Isn't that the really expensive jewelry place in the Wizarding alley of the Jewelry Quarter up in Birmingham? You made a detour to Birmingham for a gift?"

"Nothing else would have been good enough," he said firmly, eyes glowing as he watched me lift the bag from the bed and put it on my lap.

Even the bag felt expensive, and I marveled at how light it was. I parted the bag to see, amongst the silk scarf-like material that surrounded the box inside, a shining black box, small and mostly square with rounded edges.

My heart began to pound.

He did not get me what I thought he got me. There was no way he had done that. And at Carulio's, of all places.

My hand shook as it reached into the bag, pulling out the little, smooth box.

"Sirius," I breathed, feeling the silky box in my hands.

"Open it," he said in my ear, watching my face carefully.

My mouth and throat had gone terrible dry, and I fumbled with the box for a moment as my numb fingers tried to open it, but then I managed to pull it open and was shocked at the shining ring inside.

I had seen this ring in a bridal catalogue the night before. Four carat diamond, 14K white gold band, and of the highest Carulio quality. Marlene had salivated over the picture of it, because it was the most expensive ring in the wizarding world.

85,000 Galleons.

I knew Sirius's finances well enough to know that he had been saving for it since I agreed to move in with him. I knew that the pressure of being from an old wizarding family and not being able to give me the family ring would be difficult for him, but I didn't know he'd go to these lengths to compensate.

Still, I had to admit to myself, it was just about the most perfect ring. The band was thick, which I liked because it wouldn't slip as easily. The diamond was big, but didn't look gaudy with the band. And it was a simple solitaire, which was all I wanted.

I stared down at the ring, careful to steady my breathing in hopes of steadying my racing heart, but it seemed to no avail. Sirius was watching me still, trying to gauge my reaction. I wondered what Remus had said when Sirius announced that he wanted to get me the most expensive ring in the wizarding world.

He probably didn't have much in the way of objection to the price once he saw the ring, though. It was perfect.

"Amy," Sirius said softly as I continued to stare at the ring. "Amy, look at me."

I did, looking up into his swirling, beautiful, desperate gray eyes. My heart swelled as I saw how nervous he was.

"Amy," he said, clearing his throat slightly. "I…I know I was a bit of an idiot in school. I didn't see you right in front of me, and I wasted a lot of time. Maybe this is too soon, but I don't want to sit around and wait for the right time. There's already so much time we've lost, and I…I…"

Thinking wasn't needed in that moment. I reached forward and touched his cheek, feeling a tear on it.

Things had changed since he started going to Order meetings. He might have been saving for a while, but the purchase now and the proposal couldn't be a coincidence. He didn't tell me what went on at the meetings and I didn't ask. I didn't want to know.

But I knew he could die. Why waste time when death loomed around every corner?

"I love you," he sighed. "Will you-"

"Of course," I whispered, pressing my lips to his firmly. He relaxed into the kiss, pulling me closer.

I was going to marry Sirius Black.


	5. Engagement

**A/N: Sirius's POV, this chapter is dedicated to new reader **_**Farrellm21**_**! Enjoy!**

** -C**

I had gotten Amy's permission to be the one to tell our friends the news. We'd just finished an Order meeting and I'd told the other Marauders, Lily, and Marlene to stay after because I had some news.

They sat around the table, watching me expectantly as I stood up.

"Remus already knew this was coming," I said excitedly, bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet, "but as it's official I thought he ought to be here too." Remus grinned at me approvingly. It was so good to see him smile again. "I asked Amy to marry me a few weeks ago, and she said yes."

Marlene and Lily squealed in delight, just as Marlene had done when James proposed to Lily. Remus and James clapped and cheered happily, and Peter just blinked at me with wide, surprised eyes.

"You're all invited to a party tomorrow night," I said. "Amy won't start wearing the ring until you've all seen it for some reason, so I want to get you all over as soon as possible so I can start looking at it on her hand."

They all agreed to come to the party, and we dispersed. James and Remus caught me before they left.

"Congratulations, mate," James said happily. "Although maybe you should have waited until Lily and I get married. Now we'll have two psychotic brides-to-be pushing us in every which way."

"I doubt Amy is going to be like Lily," Remus pointed out with a smile. "She's not half as bossy, and her tastes are very simple."

"I heard all that," Lily said with a frown from the doorway and we all blanched.

"Coming, dear," James muttered, giving me an apologetic smile and a clap on the shoulder before hurrying off after Lily.

I turned to Remus to see him beaming at me.

I was thrilled that he was taking this all so well, especially after how depressed he was when James prosed to Lily. I was honestly worried that my proposing to Amy would send him into a completely irreversible state of depression, which was why I got him involved in picking the ring. I had hoped that by giving him a stake in the whole thing he would be excited and pleased, and it turned out I was right.

"So she liked the ring?" he asked, putting on his cloak.

"Oh, you should have seen her eyes, Moony," I sighed, recalling the way her eyes lit up in surprise and delight when she opened the box from Carulio's. I couldn't give her my family ring, but if possible I found an even better one, although it had cost me dearly.

She was worth every Knut.

"Good," Remus sighed. "I'm excited to see it on her finger. She doesn't know how much it cost you, does she?"

I frowned.

I hadn't actually asked. It was possible she had an idea. The fact alone that it was from Carulio's suggested great expense. But the actual ring?

"Maybe?" I said. "I don't know. Does it matter?"

Remus considered for a moment and finally said, "With Amy? Probably not."

I was relieved at that, and we said goodnight, parting until the party the following night.

They all showed up, of course. Peter was the most fascinated by the ring, followed closely by Marlene. They both had interest in shiny things.

I was surprised, though, when Marlene squealed, "Merlin, Amy, it's _the_ ring!"

"What?" I asked, confused.

"This ring was in one of Lily's bridal magazines!" Marlene explained to me. "Carulio's, right? It's the most expensive ring in the wizarding world!"

I swallowed.

It was?

Remus raised his eyebrows at me, and I realized that if there was something featuring it the girls probably knew exactly how much I'd spent on that ring. Amy might not care, or it might not change anything, but Lily was looking at me thoughtfully, and Marlene obviously cared.

What had I gotten myself into?

"So, no double wedding?" James joked.

"Merlin, no," I said, grasping onto the subject change eagerly as Amy slipped the ring onto her finger for the first time. "As if we would encroach on Lily's special day."

Merlin forbid I had such a death wish as to even suggest such a thing.

"Well, that's good," James said with a laugh. "Now you can be my best man and I can be yours, just like we promised!"

Amy rolled her eyes, asking Peter if he wanted anything to drink. He asked for firewhiskey, which she went into the kitchen to retrieve. I followed her.

"Amy?" I asked as she opened the cupboard for a glass. "Can we talk for a second?"

"Sure," she said, standing on her tip-toe to reach the glass, carefully coming down onto the full foot once she had a good grip. "What's up?"

I hesitated as she poured the drink for Peter, but then I finally said, "It doesn't bother you, does it? The cost of the ring, I mean."

She looked up at me with a bemused smile on her face.

"Sirius, it's your money," she said with a shrug. "If it was important for you to spend it this way, who am I to argue?"

"But it's not just my money soon," I countered. "It'll be our money. You're sure it's not…I don't know, upsetting or awkward or…."

"No," she said firmly. "I like the ring. You like the ring. What else matters? You forget, Sirius, there's a McAuley house ring as well, sitting in a vault somewhere. I knew exactly what you had in mind the moment I saw the ring. It's how we were raised." She kissed me. "I just want to marry you. What does it matter how much the ring cost if you can afford it?"

I sighed in relief, nodded, and let her go back to the party carrying Peter's drink. Then I poured one for myself, just beginning to relax when the kitchen door opened and in walked Lily and Marlene looking stern and I was anxious once more.

"Ladies," I said as smoothly as possible, wondering if I might not be able to find a way to sneak out while they got drinks or something.

"Sit down, Sirius," Marlene said with a sly sort of smile that looked out of place on her face. I swallowed, sitting.

It didn't seem the right scenario to argue.

"That was quite a ring, Sirius," Lily said, eyebrows raised at me as she looked down at me. This felt strangely like an interrogation.

Maybe it was.

"Thank you," I offered weakly.

"That was a ring that cost eighty-five thousand Galleons," Marlene said in a voice that tried to be stern but was obviously still so impressed that she was having a hard time with the pretense.

"Yes," I said slowly, wondering where they were going to take this.

Lily tapped her fingers on the countertop as if waiting for some kind of explanation, and when I didn't give one, she said, "Well, why did you get her such and expensive ring, Sirius?"

I sighed.

Here we go.

"First of all, I'm going to premise this with the fact that Amy doesn't care that it's expensive." I suddenly knew why Remus had asked the question in the first place. Birds were insane about this stuff. "Secondly, I had standards. Amy and I were raised looking at our family's ancestral rings. I wanted to give her something that grand, even though I no longer have access to the Black family ring. Plus, I looked at it and I just…. It just looked like it belonged on her finger, you know? I'd saved up about a hundred thousand Galleons. I wasn't sure how much I would spend, but…Remus approved."

I waited for some sort of attack with fists clenched under the table.

They said nothing for a long moment before the both of them took a seat on either side of me, both fixing me with their most stern gazes. It was not a comfortable place to be.

"Let's get this perfectly straight, Sirius," Lily said with a frown. "You may be James's best friend and you may have proved to me that you're not as bad as I originally thought, but you had better make certain that nothing you do makes me think you don't deserve to be married to Amy."

"This is your one and only warning to treat Amy right," Marlene added. "Or we'll chop off your bollocks and maybe worse."

"And if we do worse," Lily said, green eyes flashing, "rest assured, Sirius, they'll never find the body."

I raised my eyebrows.

I had no doubts, of course, that if they desired to kill me or maim me that they could find a way to do so. What was more, if Lily wanted to ensure no one found a body, it would not be found. I didn't need to be assured of this at all.

But they were basically nuts, because I the last thing I wanted was to hurt Amy.

"That seems fair," I said slowly. "As long as we're clear that you only take these actions if Amy approves. I wouldn't want such vigilante justice to come between you as friends."

They exchanged another look at my single term before the pair of them nodded in unison.

"Agreed," Lily said in her stuffy way when she was in charge of something she deemed important.

With that, the three of us smiled again and I poured drinks so that we could return to the party.

Amy raised her eyebrows at me when we returned to the others, but I just shook my head, kissed her cheek, and frowned at the sparkling water she was drinking in lieu of wine.

I had wanted her to drink champagne at this party at the very least, but she hadn't been feeling well for the past couple of days and the smell of alcohol was making her feel a bit sick since she got up that morning.

"Wait," I muttered, "did you feel sick when you poured Peter a drink?"

She blinked at me for a moment, then looked down at her drink and shrugged.

"I didn't notice," she said dismissively.

Nausea was a strange thing, so I put it out of my mind, kissing her temple and turning back to James, who was telling stories about all the times he'd walked in on us having sex or snogging in the dormitory in the last few months of school.

"And then," he said with a pained expression, "I heard her moan and I knew exactly what was going on in there."

The others laughed, including Amy, who was blushing slightly.

I had a sneaking suspicion that he hadn't, in fact, known _exactly_ what was going on, but I didn't want to correct him. Amy probably didn't want me to tell everyone exactly what I'd been doing to her on that specific instance, but I remembered it with fondness, the way she'd moaned, the way she'd rewarded me….

I sighed and the heads all whipped around to look at me and Peter's eyes actually widened in horror.

"Sorry," I muttered, but I wasn't. Amy was laughing, so I couldn't really be sorry.

All in all, the engagement party was a success. Lily and Marlene got out of the way their silly albeit mildly worrying threats. James got to tell all the embarrassing stories he could think of so he wouldn't have to tell them at the actual wedding. Remus seemed to enjoy himself and be at peace with the fact that Amy was marrying me despite his crush on her.

But most importantly, Amy was wearing the ring, and it looked so perfect on her hand that I felt my whole self swelling with pride every time I saw it.

She was going to be mine, and mine forever. Nothing could be more important than that, especially with the stories Caradoc told me at each meeting.

The following morning, though, Amy woke up at about five in the morning and rushed into the bathroom. I woke up groggily, trying to comprehend what was happening and why Amy wasn't in my arms.

When I heard her retching I was up in a flash, totally awake, rushing into the bathroom after her.

I hated seeing her sick. I hated seeing her miserable. She was clutching the bowl of the toilet, retching pathetically. With a sigh I kneeled behind her, taking her beautiful brown hair in my hands and holding it back as she vomited.

Her whole body was trembling as the first wave subsided. Her face was pale, clammy, covered in sweat. Part of me wanted to reach out and touch her and part of me was admittedly repulsed. Thankfully I wasn't James and could handle watching other people be sick. After years of taking care of my brother when he was sick because my mother refused to look at vomit, this was nothing. James was an only child, and the evidence of that reared its ugly head at some unfortunate things.

Still, it was different, seeing the woman I loved in such obvious pain and misery.

"It's going to be okay," I whispered as she whimpered. "It's going to be fine. You're going to be fine."

There was nothing explicitly wrong with her. She was sick. The flu, maybe, or something like it. A stomach bug.

She nodded, but this was the wrong thing to do because a moment later she was leaning over the toilet bowl and retching again with even more force than before.

My own hands were shaking as I watched. It went on for an hour or more, with most of it consisting of painful dry heaving.

When she finally collapsed back into my arms I flushed the toilet, handed her a towel to wipe her face with, and petted her soft hair as she cried.

"It hurts," she whined, still trembling as I helped her to her feet. "And I miss breakfasts. I want to be able to eat breakfast like a normal person. I never thought I'd miss eggs so much."

"Don't," I warned. Mentioning eggs had been what set her off the day before. But she just shook her head.

"I'm done for the morning, Sirius," she sighed. "I feel fine already."

But she didn't look fine, so I wasn't convinced. She looked like death itself.

"Amy," I began, about to try to persuade her for about the dozenth time since she'd started to get sick to go to see someone at St. Mungo's, just to be sure there wasn't something more serious wrong, but she cut me off, anticipating my request.

"No," she said, and the firmness in her voice was heartening. She had stopped trembling, although she still looked terribly pale. "I'm not going to hospital, Sirius. I'll just baby my stomach and I'll be fine by lunch with any luck."

And she was.

She always was. Granted, Amy had always been very good at taking care of herself when sick. Even when she had a particularly nasty stomach flu in second year, she only vomited twice because she was so careful about babying her stomach, not irritating it.

She would start with sipping water, then soda water. She hated soda water, but she said it was better than the potions that were meant to calm the stomach. She hated the way those tasted and refused to take them no matter who tried shoving them down her throat.

Then she would move onto solid foods, starting by nibbling at crackers. When she could eat whole crackers in two bites instead of nibbles, she would then begin in on soup heavy with broth. Nothing creamy, she insisted. Still, there would be noodle and meat and vegetable bits in the soup, so it was still eating.

She then would eat starches, non-sugars, non-fats, and vegetables. If she didn't vomit in twenty-four hours once she'd reached this point, she would then return to eating normally once more.

Typically, as it worked in her favor. Only the one time had she ever had to start over at the beginning, and she'd reached the soup stage by that point.

The problem with this illness, whatever it was, was that almost every twenty-four hours like clockwork she would get sick again and have to start all over. She was miserable, both from the pain and discomfort of the act of sicking up and from not being able to eat like she wanted.

Amy without the capability of eating sweets was not a pleasant Amy, I was fast learning.

If it went on too much longer like this she would have to see a Healer about it. I wouldn't give her a choice, and she'd be too frustrated to argue.

Until then, though, I was watching her suffer every day, holding back her hair, feeding her empty words of comfort. Maybe this was what marriage was about, dealing with the little inconveniences and struggles like this.

For better or worse, in sickness and health.

I'd heard that somewhere, part of a Muggle ceremony.

For as long as you both shall live.

I shivered slightly, watching her wash her sweaty face before pouring herself a small glass of water to sip while she did some reading.

As long as we both shall live.

I watched her sip the water and thought of her face and eyes as I'd been holding back her hair.

In all likelihood I would die first. An Order mission, a vindictive relative…. There were dozens of ways I could die. But what if Amy went first? Getting through Mr. Potter's funeral had been completely dependent on having her with me.

How would I survive without her?

My throat began to close and I quickly went to the kitchen to busy myself with breakfast so she wouldn't see me cry.

I hoped to Merlin nothing serious was wrong with her as I made myself some toast and buried my face in my hands, unable to eat, knowing with near certainty that she would be ill again the following morning.


	6. Expectation and Reality

**A/N: Vanessa's POV, this chapter is dedicated to **_**sarahmichellegellarfan1**_**. Sorry this isn't the reaction you were looking for, but that comes soon! :D**

** -C**

The purpose of the party was well-known, although it was not listed on the invitations. That in and of itself was the biggest clue, as parties always listed the purpose on the invitation.

Jack Avery was a Death Eater.

He'd officially been inducted over the weekend, and the Wednesday dinner party to honor his "recent accomplishments," as his mother said haughtily to all the guests who dared ask in hopes of getting it out in the open, was in order to celebrate his inclusion in the Dark Lord's inner circle.

I had donned my classiest wine-colored dress robes for the occasion. Black would have been too much.

"Vanessa, darling," Mrs. Avery drawled. "You look gorgeous."

"Oh, thank you, Mrs. Avery," I sighed. "You're really too kind."

I had to keep my future mother-in-law happy with platitudes like that. I could see jealousy in her eyes every time she looked at me and I had yet to decide if it was just because I was young and attractive or because I would be stealing her son's attention away from her after the wedding. Either way, I couldn't let myself underestimate her ability to make my life a living hell if I put a toe out of line.

The path to the banquet hall was so familiar I didn't have to think about it anymore, and when I arrived to see it bustling with purebloods, many of whom were Death Eaters or related to Death Eaters themselves, I let my eyes lazily scan the crowd for my fiancé.

"Vanessa!"

And there was my future father-in-law.

"Mr. Avery!" I said, putting on my most brilliant smile. "I was hoping to find the guest of honor. Have you seen him?"

"He's still in his room," Mr. Avery said with a sigh. "He was having some difficulty with some new cufflinks, but I think he's nearly sorted."

I wondered what that was a euphemism for, since magical cufflinks were essentially foolproof.

"Do you think he'll see me if I go up?" I asked.

He could take that as he liked, I really didn't care. He paid me little mind compared with his wife.

"I would knock, obviously," he drawled, already looking around the room. "It's possible."

I nodded, said something suitable to take my leave, and went out to the staircase, following along the west wing of the manor until I reached Jack's quarters.

Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the large oak door.

"Jack?" I said. "It's Vanessa."

"Enter," he said, and there was something strange in his voice, although I couldn't place it.

I turned the knob and pushed the door open and stepped into the Victorian sitting room that was at the front of his rooms. He was sitting on a mauve sofa his mother surely picked out for him, gripping his hair with his left hand.

"Jack?" I asked, actually feeling concern in the pit of my stomach. "Are you all right? Are you ill?"

"No," he said through gritted teeth. "Sit."

I did so, next to him but not touching him. I didn't know what was wrong, but I didn't deal with illness well. He expected me to obey him, but if he started to get sick….

"It hurts still," he said by way of explanation.

"What hurts?" I asked, frowning in confusion.

His right hand shifted over to his left sleeve, unfastening the cufflink deftly and pulling the sleeve up his arm, revealing his flexed forearm to me.

I stared in shock.

There, on his flesh, was a mark, the Dark Mark, in a burning black tattoo.

"What…what _is_ it?" I asked, both fascinated and horrified. "I mean, what does it _do_?"

"It's my Mark," he said dully. "It's the symbol of my inclusion in the Dark Lord's inner circle and is how we are summoned to him. When it burns, I have to Apparate directly to his side."

I shivered slightly, but Jack didn't seem to notice. His arm was still clenched in pain.

"I'm telling you this because as my wife there will be times when you have to just accept the things I do without understanding them fully," he said, still in the dull, slightly strained voice. "You are not to ask questions, you are to do as I ask, and you are to accept whatever I tell you as absolute law and fact. Are we understood?"

"Of course," I said without even bothering to think about it. I didn't have to. I had been raised to take all of those things as a given whenever I got married. "Is there anything I can do for you now, or would you prefer I leave to the party?"

"Stay," he ordered. His arm was beginning to relax. "There are a few things we need to discuss further."

So I stayed, and I was admittedly curious about what it was he thought we needed to discuss. More wifely duties? Something to do with the wedding?

I was honestly dreading wedding planning. Between my mother and his mother and social expectation, nothing about the day that was supposed to be all about me would actually be about me. Still, I would do as I always did and bear it all with as much grace as possible.

He stood after a moment, his arm relaxing and falling from grasping his hair to his side.

"Much better," he muttered to himself.

I waited patiently as he put his sleeve back and quickly fastened his cufflink in place once more. He took a further minute to pour himself some ice water, down it quickly, and regain his composure. He used a polished brass vase as a mirror and straightened his bowtie, smoothed his hair, and adjusted his collar.

All the while I waited behind him, knowing he could only groom for so long. Even the most high maintenance males couldn't take as long as a reasonable female.

And I was far from reasonable. I could wait all day.

Finally, he turned to me with a small, albeit weak, smile on his face.

"I know about your contact with one Peter Pettigrew," he said triumphantly.

I did my best not to raise an eyebrow. There was no possible way for him to know, unless he was having me followed. Actually, I wouldn't entirely put it past his mother to have me followed. But the way he was looking at me, the way he had said it…. There was something else going on. This didn't have to do with our marriage prospects, exactly.

"And?" I said.

There was no point denying. He knew. Even if I hadn't believed him when he told me, there was a look Jack would get in his eyes when he lied, and that look was not there.

"What do you hope to gain by it?" he said, not necessarily derisively, but I was careful not to assign emotions to his voice. He'd been practicing throwing people off with his tone of voice for as long as I had. "Surely you aren't attracted to him."

"Hardly," I drawled, a smirk turning up at the corner of my lips. Peter Pettigrew had nothing I wanted, except knowledge: knowledge of the Marauders, of Amy, of Evans, of their comings and goings and weaknesses. "He has…information."

Jack smirked back at me. He knew my anger at not being able to obtain James Potter. He wasn't jealous. It had nothing to do with feelings or attraction or love. If I was thinking about it, Jack was more attractive than James, although neither could hold a candle to Sirius Black.

And that was the other matter, how Sirius had humiliated me, how Amy had sided with him and Sarah sided with her….

And Lily Evans. Her very existence offended me still.

"He is still close with the blood traitors, then?" Jack asked in a casual voice that belied his amusement at my long-harbored bitterness.

"Yes," I snapped. "Of course he is. Did you expect any different?"

Jack then sat across from me, all amusement gone, his eyes harsh.

"And he is with them in this organization that Dumbledore has?"

I froze, unsure of how to answer.

Peter had told me little of the Order of the Phoenix except that he was part of it. It was clear, though, from Jack's question, that I might need him to tell me more.

"He is," I said slowly.

Jack nodded.

"Very good," he said softly. "You will continue to see him. Get him to tell you as much as he will about this group. You're a clever girl with many talents. I'm sure you'll get a fair amount out of him." He smirked again. "If he proves useful, he might become a dear family friend."

Translate: if we could control him and he proved subtle enough he could be recruited to the Dark Lord.

If I was the average person, underestimating Peter Pettigrew, I would think Jack was insane to suggest such a thing. I knew Pettigrew better than most, however. He had kept his desire for Amy McAuley hidden for a very long time, from his friends and Amy and everyone else. He knew things he shouldn't know about all sorts of people, which meant he was capable of spying. He was the sort of person who could blend right up against the wall in almost any situation simply because even his closest friends discounted him.

He was a part of the furniture, not a person, to them. An amusement and a tool when they needed an extra set of hands.

Jack was right. There was potential.

"What do you want me to do specifically at the moment?" I asked, crossing my legs and letting the robes shift enough to show a considerable amount of thigh at the slit. It was mostly on purpose. Jack and I had yet to have sex, mostly because his parents always seemed to be around when we were courting. This wasn't the time for it, but it never hurt to remind him what he was getting.

Indeed, his eyes flashed with lust as they traced up my legs.

"Just keep doing what you're doing," he said with a smirk. "I'll let you know what I need and when."

"I bet you will," I teased, and I stood, crossing to the large oak door once more, intent on mingling with guests and showing myself to be the future mistress of the manor. Jack, though, grabbed my arm roughly, yanking me around to face him.

My heart pounded, but I wasn't afraid. Fear was an emotion for the weak. I was not weak.

"I didn't dismiss you, Vanessa," he said in a dark voice, eyes flashing still, a mix of anger and lust that was surprisingly arousing.

He kissed me hard on the mouth. I had a vague thought that he would have to deal with lipstick before I remembered I wore the new kind that didn't transfer onto glasses and such.

Jack was a good kisser. I would have been very pleased with the skill I was getting in my husband if not for the fact that I had kissed Sirius Black in school. I knew what true skill and passion tasted like, and Jack paled in comparison.

Dating Sirius had been both an excellent and terrible decision. Getting to shag a man that talented was always a blessing. But the way it ended….

Well, needless to say I hadn't come out on top of that particular attempt.

Jack pulled out of the kiss with a patronizing smile on his face and he said, "And now, Vanessa darling, you're dismissed."

I put a suitable smile on my face and opened the oak door, going down to the party on his arm, trying to appear as though I was the happiest fiancée the world had ever seen, and that I was even more happy about the fact that my future husband had a disgusting skull-and-snake tattoo on his arm that controlled his life.

I'd had more difficult acting jobs.

To be perfectly honest, the real headache in my life was the wedding planning. Mrs. Avery had very specific desires, but most of them were things I thought to be tasteful and reasonable, in line with what I wanted on almost every point.

My mother was the one being ridiculous.

"How was the party, dear?" she asked, watching me come in over the top of her massive stack of bridal magazines.

My mother, nutter that she was, wanted me to have a "modern wizarding wedding," whatever that meant. It was horrible.

"Fine," I said, taking off my cloak and hanging it up in the hall with the others. "Is Jeffrey not here?"

"He's off with Susan," she said dismissively. "Lovely girl."

I rolled my eyes.

My brother had taken a liking to Susan Snow, the idiot girl Sirius had dated before he turned to me. My mother adored the chit, even trying to talk me into having her as a bridesmaid since I wasn't speaking to anyone from school.

But Jack had a cousin who would be my bridesmaid. I had already agreed to it with his mother, and Susan Snow was _not_ going to be in my wedding. Not on my life.

"I'm going to my rooms," I said.

"Just a moment," my mother said. "Did you know someone bought that ring I was telling you about, the Carulio's one?"

I raised my eyebrows.

Why was she telling me this?

I'd already told her I didn't like the Carulio's ring. It was garish and simple, and anyway I was going to wear the Avery family ring, like a proper pureblood should.

"Eight-five thousand Galleons," she said, reading the report. "Sold to Sirius Black."

I dropped the earring I'd been taking out.

"Are you sure?" I asked, feeling my heart race.

Sirius Black. That couldn't be true. It couldn't.

"Positive. Sirius Black bought the Carulio's ring."

Sirius Black had bought an engagement ring, and not just any engagement ring: the most expensive engagement ring in the wizarding world. Eight-five thousand Galleons.

That was a lot of money to spend on anyone, especially when your sole income was an annuity doled out monthly by goblins.

Sirius Black was going to marry Amy McAuley and all I could do was bend over and pick up my earring from the floor.

"Who do you think he's going to marry?" her mother asked, looking up from the magazine with a smile. "Must be a very lucky girl."

"Indeed," I choked out, picturing that garish ring on Amy's disgusting fingers. Amy Black.

It didn't even sound regal like a pureblood name ought to. It just sounded simple, base, vile.

Just like her.

"Come look at this flower arrangement, dear," my mother said happily. "It's lovely."

"Perhaps later," I said diplomatically. It was probably horrible, but I wasn't in the mood to argue with my mother. "I'm very tired. I think I'm going to take a bath, wind down."

"Well, all right, dear," my mother said absently, marking a page, making note of something on her massive roll of wedding notes. "Feel better."

Unlikely.

I rushed up to my rooms, peeling off my robes without a second thought.

We'd had a house-elf once, but we hadn't bred it young enough and after several miscarriages it died delivering a stillborn. Finances were too tight to procure another from the breeding of other house elves. I'd been drawing my own baths since I was ten, and hating it.

I pulled the pins out of my hair that were holding it in place as I walked into my bathroom.

A quick tap of my wand adjusted the temperature of the water when I turned on the tap, just to the right temperature. I hated cold or hot bathwater. It had to be just warm enough to turn my skin a little bit pink at the start. My hair fell around my face and I looked in my mirror, frowning.

Sirius Black was marrying Amy McAuley. James Potter was marrying Lily Evans.

I was marrying Jack Avery.

Why did I feel like I was getting a consolation prize?

Because I was, I told myself as I slipped out of my underwear. Amy was getting the god of sex. Lily was getting the second-richest wizarding bachelor in England (right after Regulus Black, whose mother flat out refused the idea of us courting).

I was getting someone suitable who would court me.

Amy at least was a pureblood, but she was plain at best. If she made attractive children, it would be because they took after Sirius. Lily was attractive, but she was Muggleborn.

The Potters' only son was going to breed half-blood children into one of the last pureblood families remaining in England.

I felt a bit sick to my stomach, but I poured some vanilla-scented bubble bath into the tub, organizing my shampoo and conditioner beside the tub. With a sigh I carefully climbed in, feeling the warm water and bubbles wash across my skin, purifying me. I closed my eyes.

I snapped them open again when the image that came to me was that of Jack's Dark Mark tattoo.

The water suddenly felt cold and strange. I reached for my wand and tapped the spout to heat it up slightly.

My skin had passed pink and was turning a bit red.

Even if I couldn't best them, I would find a way to win. Perhaps my husband would be a consolation prize, but I would ensure that my life was the one worth remembering, not theirs. I closed my eyes once more, leaning back in the bath and dreaming up ways to make every single one of them suffer.

I would write a letter to Peter Pettigrew as soon as my bath was done and I was dressed. I would meet with him. I would find out all about this engagement ring, the impending wedding, and the Order of the Phoenix.


	7. Surprise!

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to faithful reader and reviewer, **_**sarahmichellegellarfan1**_**. Enjoy the reactions!**

** -C**

As it turns out, I wasn't sick at all.

Well, that is, if you don't count pregnancy as illness, which apparently the staff at St. Mungo's don't.

Sirius actually ordered me to go to the hospital while he was at an Order meeting, and I was so miserable that I did as he asked. I'd been vomiting for two weeks every morning and when I explained my symptoms to the Welcome Witch she smirked, told me to pick up a pregnancy test patch at the gift shop and have a nice day.

And it was positive.

And it was a girl.

And I was apparently two months pregnant.

Sirius was going to be bringing Lily and James for dinner after their meeting, and I would have to tell him, but he would ask what the Healers said as soon as he got home, knowing him. I'd be forced to tell all three of them at once.

I was sitting on the floor of our bedroom, my hand on my bare stomach, my eyes glued to the pink patch with the big black numeral two on it. Apparently, according to the box, the number was doubled for twins, tripled for triplets, so on. If I'd had twins, it would have said twenty-two. Or two, two. Well.

Sirius and I were pregnant. I tried to think back two months and decide when we might have conceived her.

September first? It was probable but we'd had sex so many times that week that anything was possible.

I lay down on the floor, knowing that in a matter of months I would be too big to do that and have any prayer of getting up again.

It was a strange thought, being pregnant. My mother would probably die of shock when she found out, if I decided to tell her. More likely, Natalie or one of my other sisters would tell her. And she'd still die of shock.

Pregnant, unmarried, living with a man….

All right, so we were engaged and times change. But still. It wasn't the way I'd pictured my life.

There was still a chance, still spells I could do if I didn't want this baby, didn't want a child right away.

But they were dangerous, and the more I thought of the little girl in me, the more I looked at that little pink patch, the less I wanted to entertain the thought of getting rid of her.

Besides, what on earth would I tell Sirius? And what if in doing one of the spells I was unable to have any more children? Sirius would be devastated. I would be too, come to that.

I might end up being a bit fat in my wedding dress, but I was growing attached to the thought of being a mother, to the thought of Sirius as a father, and I knew he would be pleased when he found out. I glanced up at the clock.

He would be finding out soon.

Too soon.

I hadn't started dinner.

I pulled myself off the floor, yanked off the patch, tossed it in the trash, and the box after it. I shivered as the pink faded and the whole patch went black. I ran my finger through my hair and went out to the kitchen, summoning a pot and starting pasta. It was becoming a recurring theme to have pasta after they came back from the Order meetings, and at least they hadn't complained. It was the only thing I had on hand that I could get ready in time.

I set the noodles to take care of themselves and carefully set up some vegetables and waved my wand at the knives to start the chopping.

Cooking was the easy part, really, once I knew what I was going to make. I'd learned a lot of useful charms and the like that did most of the work for me, as long as I was careful with them and oversaw everything. It was actually a neat little challenge, trying to find ways to improve the various spells, to make them a bit more my own, to even invent new ones to serve my own purposes.

I set out the food as soon as it was doing and checked that the wine I'd selected earlier was chilled properly before pouring three glasses of it and setting them out. I poured soda water for myself and pouted at it.

Getting used to not drinking was going to be hard after wine with dinner had become such a habit for us. But I resolved then and there not to let Sirius give up something he loved just because I wasn't allowed to do it.

Plates, silverware, cups for water, all lay out on the table with a flick of my wand. I had just enough time to change and actually comb my hair before they got home.

I slipped out of my sweats, which I had put on in the morning when I was feeling terrible, and I pulled on a pair of dark jeans (while I could still fit into jeans) and fished around my wardrobe for a blouse that was a pleasant shade of green that wouldn't make Sirius think of my vomit that morning. Satisfied with my outfit I stepped into the bathroom to sort out my hair.

It was in bad shape. I hadn't been nutritionally my best with all the sicking up. Still, morning sickness was only temporary and I'd be able to keep food down soon enough. I smiled at my reflection, putting a bit of rouge on my cheeks to keep from looking horribly pale as I'd done for the past few days and then I quickly ran a comb through my hair until it flowed across my shoulders, shining. Not wanting to have it in the way during dinner, I made a split second decision to braid it and had just finished securing the braid when I heard the crack of them Apparating onto the front steps.

I got to the kitchen about the same time they did, and James stretched, sitting down at one of the place settings.

"Smells delicious, Amy," he said, looking tired and motioning for Lily to sit beside him. Sirius was looking up at me with concern, hesitating before sitting down next to where I had just sat.

"Did you go to the hospital?" he asked.

And there it was.

"Why did she need to do that?" Lily asked, nervous.

"Ah, I've been a bit peaky lately," I said, smiling sheepishly. "And yes, I did."

"Peaky?" Sirius said, pausing as he reached for his fork. "Amy, you looked like death this morning."

"Sirius," Lily said, horrified that he'd said it so bluntly, but I just shrugged.

"What did the Healers say, Amy?" James said with remarkable tact.

"I didn't get to see a Healer, actually," I admitted, and then Sirius exploded.

"What?" he cried. "Get your coat; we're taking you back right now."

He was actually getting out of his seat, but I put a hand on his arm to stop him.

"I didn't need to see one," I said with a bit of a laugh. "The Welcome Witch told me what was probably wrong, and she was right. I took a test. I'm pregnant."

He fell back into his seat, eyes wide, an absolutely stunned look on his face.

"Pregnant?" he choked.

"Yes," she said. "Two months, according to the test. And it's a girl."

"Oh, how exciting!" Lily squealed. "A girl! Have you thought of names? Oh, two months? That means you'll start showing in about three months. Are you going to pick a wedding date so that you're not showing, or are you going to wait until you have her?"

"Woah, can we back up just a second to the part where Amy's pregnant?" James said, a bewildered expression on his face. "How did that _happen_?"

I snorted.

"Well, James," I said in a voice dripping with sarcasm, "when two people love each other very much…"

"I know that bit," he said blushing. "I mean, didn't you use protection or something?"

"Ah, I think I know when it happened," Sirius said, blanching slightly. "When we had sex after I proposed. I was so caught up I forgot to do the contraceptive charm like I usually do and…. Whoops."

"Does it really matter?" Lily snorted. "They're having the baby anyway."

"Wow," Sirius said, running his fingers through his hair. "We're going to be parents. I'm going to be a father." He was grinning, hand shaking. Then, suddenly, his face filled with fear. "How long does this being sick thing last?"

"I should be nearly done with it, I think," I said, shrugging. "I've not spent all day researching pregnancy, you know."

"No, that's how we're spending all of tomorrow," Lily said, absolutely no hint of a joke in her voice.

"Can we eat now?" James asked. They laughed and began to dig into the food.

"So, when should we tell the others?" I asked, stretching out after dinner as Sirius cleared the table and began to do the dishes while the other three lounged, watching. "I mean, Marlene and Remus and Peter."

"Whenever you'd like, love," Sirius said. "Technically, you're the one who's carrying another human in you. This is pretty much going to all be however you want."

I raised an eyebrow. That was very…magnanimous of him.

Or perhaps it was because he'd been reading those books James had gotten on how to be a married man and not end up sleeping on the couch.

I decided to test it.

"So if I said I wanted to get married in a month so I'm not showing?" I said, raising both eyebrows as he stiffened.

"Might bit fun to do," he said slowly, "but I suppose we could manage that. Everyone would pitch a hand."

Lily smirked. She knew what I was doing.

"And if I said I've already started cravings?" I said. "I'm thinking pickled radishes."

He shivered. The very smell of pickled radishes made Sirius ill. They absolutely repulsed him.

"Well…"

"In fact," I said, "I need you to keep us well stocked."

Sirius looked at her with a horribly pained expression and said, "Whatever you say, love. I'll pick some up as soon as we're done with our guests."

Lily burst out laughing and he glanced at her, confused.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, Sirius, she's not craving yet," she said. "And if she does, but some strange twist of fate, crave pickled radishes I'll keep a supply at ours and she can have it when she visits. I promise not to let you do that to yourself."

His face relaxed when he realized he had been tested, and ran his fingers through his hair sheepishly.

"Right," he said. "So apparently I'm not just supposed to let you do whatever you want while pregnant?"

"You are when I'm being hormonal," I said very seriously. "But otherwise, you can appeal to me reasonably like any other condition I might be in. I don't want you to sacrifice your happiness for the sake of me growing our child in me. It's your child too, you know."

He grinned stupidly.

"I know," he said, crossing and touching his hand to my stomach. "Our daughter. Lily's right, we need to start thinking about names."

"How about we think about the wedding stuff first?" I laughed. "Pick a date, then a name, and none of it until after our guests are gone!"

"Right, right, sorry," Sirius said with a bark of laughter. "Everything's happening all at once and I'm losing track of myself."

Lily and James didn't stay long, anyway. They were starting to get amorous with each other once the reality of my being pregnant finally set in with James. Perhaps we wouldn't be the only parents-to-be, although the shock and horror on James's face when he first heard I was pregnant suggested that it wouldn't be right away, anyway.

"Now," Sirius sighed, flopping down on the bed beside me once he finished cleaning up the kitchen. "What are we going to do about the wedding?"

It was strange that we hadn't really talked about it yet, even though we'd been engaged for two months. Part of it was all the focus on Lily and James's wedding. My brain was so in bridesmaid mode that I hadn't really begun to think about what I wanted for my own wedding.

"Well, if anything this whole mess with Lily has taught me a thing or two about wedding planning," I teased. He laughed, rolling over and peeling off my shirt, kissing my stomach. I ran my fingers through his hair. "For one thing, what sort of a budget are we thinking for this? I'm sure my mother would be happy to contribute, but you spent so much on the ring…."

"Don't worry about it," he said. "As long as your cravings aren't for caviar, we should have enough to do whatever you want if we pick the right date. If I have to ask your mother and Mrs. Potter to help…." He shrugged. "It's worth it."

I hadn't thought of Mrs. Potter contributing, especially considering the fact that she was literally paying for all of Lily and James's wedding, but she did look at Sirius as a second son, and I knew he wouldn't ask her if he didn't think it was necessary somehow.

"Right, well," I sighed. "Obviously Lily will be my Maid of Honor, since I'm not talking with Sarah. I mean, if she gets married first it will be Matron of Honor, but it'll be Lily, and your Best Man is James."

"Naturally," he said, not even looking up at me as he kissed my belly.

"And then I'll have Marlene and you'll have Remus and…." I frowned. "Oh, what about Peter? Should I have another bridesmaid?"

"What?" he asked, looking up. "Oh, yeah, Pete. Sure, why not Natalie? You two get along, and I think she'd do a good job."

It was a good point. I didn't know why I hadn't thought of it. I'd have to write her, but I nodded, smiling once more. Sarah spurning Remus had made so many things so difficult that had once seemed so simple.

"Do we want a flower girl?" I asked. "Lily's not going to have one, but… your cousin's daughter's about that age, right?"

Sirius frowned slightly, considering, before he nodded.

"Yeah, Dora will do it, as long as you don't make her wear anything pink. She's going through a phase."

I laughed.

"No ring bearer, I suppose."

"No, we don't have anyone for that," he sighed, returning to kissing my stomach.

"And then there's who we invite," I sighed, stretching. "My family, of course. Mrs. Potter, naturally. Lily's family, Marlene's family, Remus's parents, Peter's mother…. Andromeda and Ted. Anyone in the Order you want to invite?"

He tilted his head to the side, pressing it against my stomach.

"Dumbledore," he said thoughtfully. "Caradoc Dearborn. You'd like him. Erm…. Dorcas Meadowes. And the Prewett twins. Dunno, how many people is that, all told?"

I did a quick mental count.

"Twenty-seven, not counting the wedding party," I said. "Oh, wait, no, twenty-six. I was counting Natalie with my family. With the wedding party, not counting us, that's another seven, so…thirty-three? Is that right?"

Sirius sighed.

"I wish you wouldn't make me do maths after wine," he groaned. "Yeah, that sounds right."

"Okay," I said thoughtfully. "We could do all that? That's not too many people?"

"Dunno why it would be," Sirius said with a shrug. "We can do it at Potter Manor. Plenty of space. Unless you want to do it at your place?"

"No, Potter Manor would be perfect if Mrs. Potter is all right with that," I said quickly. "I'll start making invitations as soon as we've got details worked out, but I'll keep a list. I'm thinking we do white invitations with raised print in Gryffindor scarlet, how does that sound?"

Sirius snorted.

"It sounds like something I could care less about, darling. Whatever you want is perfect."

This time, I knew he meant it, not that he was reciting from some stupid book.

I ran over the list of the wedding party once more in my head, realized I hadn't thought of ushers, and then decided that there was absolutely no need for them if we only had thirty-three people, many of whom were coming grouped in large families.

"And I honestly wouldn't expect Remus's parents or Peter's mum to come," Sirius said thoughtfully after a moment. "They never go to anything. I think Peter's mum's a bit ill, and Remus doesn't want his family and friends to get attached to each other."

This seemed silly to me, but Remus's family was Remus's business, so I said nothing, paring down my expectations accordingly to thirty. So Potter Manor, because there was literally no way Mrs. Potter would deny that request, and that meant that we didn't have to think of the date right away except…except for invitations.

"How does a May wedding sound?" I asked.

Sirius looked up thoughtfully, then shrugged.

"When's your due date?"

Obviously I hadn't seen a Healer yet, but I could do maths, and I didn't even have wine as an excuse not to.

"June?" I said. "I mean, it will be cutting it close, but if we do early May it should be fine. If the baby decides it wants to come for the wedding, well, we can put off the wedding until I'm better. It's not like anyone's traveling very far, and we can always put a note on the invitations. That'll be a way to break the news."

He chuckled and nodded.

"Do you think Professor Dumbledore will officiate?" I said slowly.

"I'm sure he'd be honored," Sirius said. "Pick a day, and I'll ask."

"First Sunday in May," I moaned, "Whatever day that is. I'll start a to-do list in the morning. For now, let's just sleep."

"Yes, love," he said with a chuckle, reaching to put out the lights and kissing my stomach once more before cuddling using my belly as a pillow, hugging my torso tightly.


	8. Squib

**A/N: Sirius's POV, this chapter is dedicated to reader and reviewer **_**sarahmichellegellarfan1**_**, whose enthusiasm for this story is pushing me forward on updates!**

** -C**

Things with Amy had only gotten better. She stopped vomiting every morning, and her cravings were relatively normal things, like strawberries and hot chocolate. Granted, she wanted them at weird times of the day, and usually when it was least convenient for me to get them for her, but I was getting better at dropping everything and doing what she needed. And no matter how little of an inconvenience she caused, she always apologized profusely once she was satisfied.

And I loved the kisses that came with her apologies.

It was strange, touching her stomach and knowing that we had a child growing in there.

"There's been some very bad news," Professor Dumbledore said, sweeping into the room, everyone around the table falling silent. "There has just been an attack on St. Mungo's. I have a list of the confirmed dead. If you know any of the victims or their families this will be a difficult time for them. An entire ward was exploded."

Lily gasped.

The list was handed to Dorcas and she scanned it with sad eyes before shaking her head and passing it on.

My stomach churned as I thought about how just this time yesterday I'd taken Amy to the hospital to do a pre-natal checkup.

That could have been us.

"Caradoc, an update," Professor Dumbledore said as the list went from Mad-Eye to Dedalus.

Caradoc cleared his throat and said, "Some mild improvement, but I'm going to have a new contact. Mine is fleeing the country. She's promising to find a replacement, but she's probably going to have to leave in the next two days, so I can't honestly say that she'll manage it before she goes. You might want to look into it as well."

Albus said he would and I watched the list move from Dedalus to Elphias Doge.

I didn't know why I was so nervous. Everyone I knew was either in this room or at their homes. There was no one I knew at St. Mungo's, or with any reason to be at St. Mungo's. James had just said how Mrs. Potter was in the middle of baking a pie when he left.

Everyone was fine.

But still, my hands were shaking as the list went from Doge to Sturgis Podmore.

"Dorcas," Albus said, smiling at her. "I know you're a bit reluctant about the York mission, but…"

"No, you're right," she sighed. "But I know I'd better do it. Nobody else is qualified."

I didn't know what the York mission was, but I had a feeling what it might entail: Dorcas was the world's leading expert in a rare case of werewolf biology where they attacked when not transformed, something about bloodlust. I hadn't read her work, but if she was going to York there were werewolves involved, and not furry-little-problem werewolves.

Remus shifted in his seat nervously.

The list went from Sturgis's hands to Frank's.

"Sirius, I'm not putting you on any missions until Amy has delivered and is fully recovered from labor."

I blinked.

"Oh," I said, not sure if I was disappointed or relieved. "Thank you, sir."

Lily smiled at this, and I knew she was relieved. I knew Amy would need me, so it was a good thing on the whole. She already could barely last half an hour without me before she started craving something or she would need my input on something for the wedding. When she got big, really big, and wouldn't be fully mobile she would need me even more.

And then there was the birth.

He was right. I shouldn't even think of missions until Amy was recovered.

The list moved from Frank to Alice. It wasn't likely to strike her if it hadn't struck Frank. They knew all the same people.

I knew a lot of the people they knew, too, between being a few years apart in school and the fact that they knew everyone in the pureblood circles.

"Remus, Peter, I'm going to ask you to go to Scotland for me. Hogsmeade, more precisely. There's been some…threat of violence on the students. I have eyes in the village proper, but I'm actually going to ask you to stay in the shack. I want you to be on hand in case of an emergency. Just for a few days, a week at most."

They nodded in agreement. It wouldn't be easy for Remus, being in the shack, but he would have Peter at least, and it would keep him away from his whole mess with Sarah.

Thankfully he'd not written her a letter since I proposed to Amy. He'd been so focused on the Order and the upcoming weddings that he didn't have as much time to wallow in things. It was healthy.

Alice handed the list to the Prewett twins, who looked at it together.

"Alastor," Albus said to Mad-Eye, "do you have any guesses who will investigate the issue at St. Mungo's?"

"Well, it won't be me," Mad-Eye growled, his eye on the list as the Prewett twins frowned down at it. "Dawlish, maybe, although he's green. Might give it to Frank."

"Frank, what do you think?"

Frank sighed and shrugged.

"I think it bodes well that I don't know any of the victims," he said slowly. "I doubt many in the office will be able to say the same, what with the number."

"Well, even if you aren't on the case I want you to keep a close eye on as much information from it as you can. This is exactly the sort of attack we want to avoid in the future."

The list was passed to Peter, who looked at it thoughtfully, but his eyes also darted back up to the discussion, his attention split. Sturgis was talking about how things were going in the hippie environments he was infiltrating (or rather, living it out of choice and utilizing the Order as an excuse for), and Peter passed the paper to Lily.

Not ten seconds later Lily squeaked in horror, the room went silent, and my stomach dropped.

"I-I'm sorry," she said, voice shaking. "It's just I…I know…."

"Who?" I demanded, knowing I was too far away to snatch the list from her hands.

She looked around at all the eyes watching her sadly.

"Who is it, Lily?" James asked gently.

"S-Sarah," she said softly, and I felt sick. "Sarah and Cole Kelly."

"Oh, Merlin."

Sarah's youngest brother, Cole, was ill. Everyone knew that, although no one really knew why. Amy probably did know, but I'd never asked. I'd never met the kid, as he wasn't Hogwarts age.

That, in and of itself, was tragic. A small child, murdered before life had even begun. But Sarah had died too, probably visiting him, wrong place at the wrong time.

What was I going to tell Amy?

They weren't speaking, but they had been so close for so many years….

I glanced over at Remus who swallowed, staring at a spot on the table. His whole body was shaking and I knew he wanted to leave the room and cry. His eyes were already shining with unshed tears.

But he stayed in the room.

I couldn't imagine what sort of strength that would take, sitting there while his whole world was crumbling around him.

And he wouldn't be able to go to the funeral, wouldn't have the closer I'd had when I lost Mr. Potter.

I realized he needed to talk to Amy, who hadn't been able to get the closer for her sister until long after Ashley Elizabeth was dead. Perhaps she would have some sort of advice for him in dealing with his grief.

But he didn't want advice. He wanted Sarah. He wanted Sarah, and she was dead. It didn't matter anymore that she'd denied him. It didn't matter that she'd taken that flat by herself in London.

Nothing mattered.

She'd never even gotten to do her Herbology research she'd been so excited about. I shivered, taking the list as James handed it to me.

That could have been me and Amy.

Except it couldn't have, I realized, looking at the name of the ward at the top of the list.

It was the ward for treatment of Squibs, a special service of St. Mungo's to the unfortunate wizarding families who had a Squib who also got ill.

Cole Kelly had been a Squib, and I had never known.

I wondered if Amy had even known.

The meeting was twice as hard to bear once I knew what was on the list. There were no other names I was familiar with, but when I had to pass the list over to a trembling Remus I watched him all but fall apart right in front of everyone. No one was having an easy time of dealing with the meeting while he was sobbing into his hands. Even Albus Dumbledore's blue eyes kept flickering pityingly over to Remus as others were speaking.

And I felt a bit sick to my stomach.

After the meeting was tea and we stayed, talking about the attack mostly, and Remus still sat in his chair, staring at the list, now with dry but blank eyes. I wanted to say something to him, to comfort him, but not in front of so many people, so many people who really didn't understand the full extent of his suffering.

"He's going to be okay?" Caradoc asked as I absently stirred my tea, watching Remus from the sink. "Should someone spend a day or two with him?"

"We'll probably have Peter stay with him," I said softly. "He'll be okay. But it's tough for now."

Caradoc nodded. He looked over at Remus solemnly for a moment before a smile crept onto his lips and he looked at me.

"So, I haven't had a chance to congratulate you on the pregnancy yet."

I smiled in spite of myself, looking down at my tea. Thinking of Amy always made me smile, but for some reason thinking of Amy wearing my ring or carrying my child made me especially pleased and proud. I'd never really thought of myself as especially possessive, but I guess that can change when you have something worth holding onto.

"Thanks," I said. I took a sip of tea and turned back to him. "Are you going to be able to go to the wedding?"

"You mean if I'm alive and there's no Order emergency?" he asked, half-joking in that morbid way of joking that all of the Order members developed with alarming quickness. "Yeah, it's on my calendar already. I know it's tacky to ask, but what do you think Amy would like as a wedding gift? I've never actually met her."

I had forgotten that. It hadn't seemed safe for Amy to get too close with Order members she didn't already know. Caradoc had agreed with this solution, but it did seem a bit strange to have a few Order members at the wedding that Amy had never even met.

"Tell you what," I said, smiling, "you should come over for dinner sometime. You don't have to become her new best friend, but…" I frowned suddenly, and I could almost see Amy and Sarah in my head, laughing about some inside joke they'd had for years and refused to explain to me.

I glanced at Remus again, and he was still staring blankly at the parchment.

"What's wrong?" Caradoc asked.

"Sarah Kelly used to be Amy's best friend," I said dully. "I…. Well, they haven't spoken in a while, but they were really close for years."

"I'm sorry," Caradoc said earnestly. He pursed his lips for a moment and then said, "Tell you what, I've got to go now, but I'll drop by for dinner next week. Tuesday good?"

"Of course," I said after a quick think about our schedule. Tuesdays were usually fine.

Caradoc said his parting words and I downed the rest of my tea to find that everyone but Remus, Lily, James, and Peter had left. Marlene had to go to something for one of her siblings, so she hadn't even stayed for tea.

"I'll leave you boys to it," Lily said softly to me. "I'll only be in the way, I expect. I'll go keep Amy company until you get home, yeah?"

I took that as meaning that she was going to go break the news so that I didn't have to be the one to tell her, but I could be the one to comfort her.

"Yeah, okay," I said, nodding and thanking her. She gave me a hug and James a kiss before she left as well, and the room was empty of all but Marauders. It was as it should be, really.

We dealt with our problems alone, and almost always had.

"Remus," James said gently, sitting down beside him, "how do you feel?"

Remus said nothing for a long moment before he finally said, "I've never really wanted to die before, but now it almost seems to be a happy alternative to the pain."

I stared at him, shocked.

Surely Remus wasn't suicidal. Surely he didn't think that killing himself would be some twisted positive because he would see Sarah again.

He couldn't be that desperate.

"Remus, you're not the only one who's suffering right now," I said, sitting down across from him. "Amy is about to hear the news from Lily and she's going to be in so much pain. And you know I can't help her. You know I can't fix it. You remember when Ashley Elizabeth died…. I can't sympathize with that, Moony. But you can."  
He looked up at me, eyes still dead, but he said nothing. He just stared at me. It was spooky.

"Padfoot's right," James said softly. "She's going to need you, Moony."

I wasn't sure if she would need him exactly. After all, she did have me. But Amy would completely understand the importance of making Remus believe she needed him. She would especially understand if I told her what he'd just said. She'd be as horrified as the rest of us to see him this way.

"Amy," he muttered, looking sadly back down at the list. "Amy…."

I winced.

I'd often worried that he would revert back to being obsessed with Amy once he finally got over Sarah, but this might be the straw that broke the camel's back.

Suddenly, his eyes grew wide and wild and he gripped the edge of the table so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"No," he said urgently. "No, Sirius, she can't know! She can't find out! What about the baby? No, don't tell Amy. Don't…. Tell her Sarah left the country, tell her anything, but don't…."

My own eyes widened surprised at his illogical rant and panic.

"It's going to be in the papers, Remus," Peter squeaked softly. "She's going to have to find out, and it might be better from Lily than from the _Prophet_."

Remus was still clutching the table tightly, his fast breathing beginning to slow once more, but he still seemed very distressed about Amy, about the baby…. About my baby.

"Remus," I said gently, "I'm going to take good care of her. I'm going to make sure she and the baby are fine, but I'm going to need your help. You understand her pain right now better than me. Right?"

He nodded slowly, looking at a spot on the table. He was no longer trembling, merely stiff.

Slowly, though, his grip on the table began to relax.

"Is it my fault?" he asked softly. I thought my heart stopped for a moment.

Was it…was it his fault Sarah was dead? How could he even possibly think that?

"No," James said, putting his hand on Remus's arm. "No, Remus, it's not your fault at all. You did nothing wrong. Blame the Death Eaters. Blame Voldemort. Blame the idiots who put all the Squibs in one ward."

I didn't want to point out that the Squib ward had actually medical benefits, since they got different diseases from both Muggles and Wizards and it was better for them to have specialist Healers rather than general ones. It would have been slightly counter-productive, and Remus knew it anyway.

"If I had found a way to get her to live somewhere else," he said, swallowing. "Maybe she wouldn't have visited that day. Maybe she would have…. I…."

It was foolishness, of course. Any change Remus could have made to her life would have an improbable effect on her having visited Cole on that day. Unless he could be blamed for Cole being sick or Sarah loving her brother, he was blameless.

But this was him trying to find sense and meaning in a meaningless thing.

"Remus, you know you're being silly, right?" James said. To my surprise, Remus nodded. He opened his mouth, but before he could defend his insanity James said firmly, "We're going to have Peter stay with you for a few days, just to make sure you're okay, all right? And you can see Amy and help her cope as well, because she'll need it."

Remus nodded. The regular reiteration that Amy needed him seemed to be doing wonders for his morale.

"I'll take him home now," Peter said softly. "We need to get back in time for me to Floo my mum and let her know I'll be with Remus for a few days."

We all got our cloaks and I put mine on as Remus and Peter left for Remus's place. James turned to me.

"You going to be okay with Amy? Do you want some support?"

I shook my head. It was nice that he'd thought of it, but I wanted this time alone with her, to tell her about Remus. It had to come from me. She was going to need me.

"I'll see you tomorrow, though," I said softly. "I'm sure she'll want everyone over for a bit of a wake. It'll make her feel better."

"Of course," James said, clapping my shoulder.

And I closed my eyes, wishing that the world could give Remus and Amy a break.


	9. A New Reality

**A/N: Vanessa's POV, this chapter is dedicated to **_**BritishBeauty x**_**! I hope this chapter brightens up your day, and I am proud to announce that I have begun writing Part Three in earnest. EXCITEMENT.**

** -C**

I stood in the largest guest room at Avery Manor with Narcissa Malfoy adjusting my hair. I'd chosen her as my bridesmaid in order to keep my mother from trying to finagle Susan Snow into the position. And really, she wasn't half bad. She knew what my lot in life would be better than anyone, the only woman I knew who was married to a Death Eater and didn't want to be a part of the cause.

And I honestly couldn't bring myself to care about the cause, or even what it could do for me.

I had a feeling she and I would be spending a lot of time together.

"How do you feel?" she asked me.

I considered my reflection. Brides were often nervous on their wedding day, but I just felt a sort of serenity. After all, I was getting my goals, my life taken care of. My future was secure once we were bonded for life. What was there to be nervous about? Jack and I already knew perfectly well what to expect of each other, and what sort of marriage this was. With Potter there would have been a lot of work to do still, but there was no pretense with Jack.

"Fine," I said honestly. "I feel fine." I put in my earrings. "Why, how did you feel before you married Lucius?"

She tilted her head thoughtfully as she pinned the last strand of hair in place.

"You know," she said, "I told everyone I was nervous, but I think it's just because I expected to be. I was really very calm about the whole thing, probably because Lucius has always been an open book for me. I don't think Bellatrix was nervous when she married Rodolphus, either."

People could say that pureblood traditional marriages were a negative practice all they wanted, but this lack of nerves seemed healthy to me. What was wrong with knowing what you were getting before you got it? At least my views of marriage would not be dashed by reality.

There was a knock at the door.

"Ladies?" Lucius's voice said smoothly through the door. "You have twenty minutes."

"Thank you, dear," Narcissa said happily.

He did not open the door, despite knowing that I was fully dressed. Perhaps he didn't like dealing with the female process of preparing. I had known men who didn't like watching me put on makeup. Something about spoiling the result by knowing the process.

I thought it was ridiculous, but I knew enough to know that men in general were ridiculous. It was hardly this one thing that distinguished them.

"Very well," I said, fastening my necklace carefully. "The makeup looks complete?"

"Exquisite," Narcissa said approvingly. She helped me out of the chair without wrinkling my robes and she tilted her head once more, smiling.

I had been to Narcissa and Lucius's wedding, and as much as it pained me her robes had been far more luxurious than mine. But then, she was a Black and I was simply a Brown.

"Down we go."

It did take a very long time to get to the ballroom, mostly because of my shoes. They were a far higher heel than I would normally had wanted, and although I had used a charm to keep my feet from feeling the pain, that didn't mean I couldn't still turn my ankle.

At least the processional was slow.

The ballroom was packed with purebloods. The music began as soon as I got to the top of the staircase.

Who thought it was a good idea to do a processional in six inch heels down a marble staircase?

My crazed mother-in-law, that was who.

Still, I managed to smile as the various purebloods watched me with complacent smiles on their faces. Very few of them actually cared about me or Jack at all, and even fewer had any particular feeling on the union. But they were expected to attend, just as I was expected to attend their events of import, and they were obligated to appear pleased and interested even though they likely all had things they would rather be doing.

I got to the front where Jack was in his stunningly expensive charcoal dress robes, a regal expression on his face that he must have learned from Malfoy.

The ceremony was standard. We added nothing individual to it, as most people preferred to stick to the traditional unless they were making some sort of unsavory political statement. I, obviously, had no such desires, nor did Jack.

We said our vows, were bonded for life, and the Avery family ring sparkled on my hand. Jack led me to the reception and it dawned on me as I sipped my elf-made wine that I was no longer Vanessa Brown.

I was Vanessa Avery.

I smirked at the thought, knowing that after the wedding night Jack and I would go to the continent for a whole week and we could set up ground rules, stipulations, etc. We knew the basics, but the dynamics had changed with the ring on my finger.

There were toasts and dancing and refreshments, Jack and I received gifts and congratulations, and then I felt his arm around my waist.

"They're starting to leave," he whispered into my ear. "No one will notice if we slip away."

I could feel excitement building inside me.

It wasn't that I expected Jack to be a particularly good lover. He would serve his purpose, and he was at least attractive. But the real thing was that I hadn't had sex since we'd started courting, for the sake of propriety. Anything would be good after so long without sex.

I nodded and he led me up a corridor around the corner and we Disapparated up to our new rooms, which were his rooms, but expanded.

Jack's eyes flashed as I took off my shoes. Without preamble or even a kiss, he unfastened the dress robes, watching as I shrugged them off and stood there merely in my white lace bra and knickers.

"I thought only virgins could wear white on their wedding," Jack smirked, but he peeled off his own robes to reveal nothing at all on underneath.

I tried not to be disappointed. He wasn't small, exactly, but after Sirius and the last few men I'd had, he would be a bit on the smaller end of things.

"Take those off and get on the bed," he ordered.

Not big on foreplay then, obviously.

I did as I was bid, making sure to be quick about it. This night was going to set the tone for the rest of our marriage, and I didn't want him getting poor impressions.

I tried to be sexy as I laid back against the pillows, relishing how perfectly firm they were while still having give to them. Jack's eyes were full of lust as he ran a hand up my leg starting at my ankle, all the way up my body to my breasts. He squeezed one, hard, and kissed me forcefully on the mouth.

There was, perhaps, one unfortunate thing about pureblood marriages.

Productive talk about how to improve the sexual experience is not encouraged. He could tell me what he wanted when he wanted it, but I was not invited to ask for anything. If he wanted to give me things, that was one thing. But a proper pureblooded wife was not too forward.

I had a suspicion that if I'd married James Potter or even Sirius Black I would have been allowed to take more agency. Sirius had certainly enjoyed it when I told him what I wanted, and those boys were so alike in most ways…

But Jack was very different.

He turned and lay back on the pillows and I frowned, confused for a moment, before I realized what he wanted. His eyes looked at me expectantly and I gave him my sexiest smile as I went down on him.

Sirius had never expected me to give him blow jobs. It had actually been a really nice thing about him that he was pleased when I did it, but he never asked. Especially because I hated giving them and had only used them as rewards for very, very good behavior.

Jack would not be trained. Jack would train me, and he apparently wanted blow jobs.

I had worked hard to be skilled at everything I did, and I'd been told by nearly every partner I'd had that I was very good with blow jobs, so it didn't take too long for Jack to be very close. He pushed me back, eyes glazed with need, and he pushed me onto the bed, parting my legs.

No, certainly not one for foreplay.

I wasn't particularly ready, but I made a mental note to masturbate before bed every night just in case he wanted to have sex as he thrust into me.

Thankfully, he wasn't as big as others I'd had and it didn't cause as much discomfort as it might have otherwise. I bit my lip, letting myself simply feel.

He came far too quickly for my liking, and I certainly didn't come anywhere near climax, but I managed to get him hard again for a second round and although I didn't climax that time either, I was starting to get into a rhythm of figuring out how I would be able to elicit my own pleasure while he thought about his.

He was too tired for a third round, so I simply crawled under the covers with him, surprised when he wrapped his arms around me. I hadn't taken him for the cuddling type, especially after the lack of foreplay, but I wasn't going to argue.

"So now we're married," he said, bemused.

"Indeed," I sighed, resting my head on his chest.

I was already thinking about how we would pass the time on the continent, away from all the war and depression of England. I would have liked a longer honeymoon typically, but with his requirements as a Death Eater I was lucky to be getting a full week.

His hands began to run through my hair absently.

I had begun to doze in his arms not long after when he suddenly cried in pain and woke me up with a start.

"What is it?" I asked, sitting up. "What's wrong?"

"I'm being summoned."

My heart sank.

The Dark Lord knew that it was our wedding night, knew that we were meant to leave in the morning, so if Jack was being called in there was something important going on, something unforeseen.

And the honeymoon would be postponed, at best, I was sure.

"Go, then," I said. "Don't incur his wrath."

To my surprise he kissed me before scrambling into clothes and Disapparating.

I took a deep breath to calm myself when I realized that my heart was racing. It had been truly frightening, waking up to the sound of Jack in pain.

I shook my head, feeling my body begin to relax again and I decided to take a quick shower. I wasn't sure if the stories about bathing after sex decreasing the chance of fertilization, but I wasn't taking that sort of risk. A shower certainly couldn't have that sort of result.

My body was covered in Jack's sweat and I got up, stretching, making my way to our joint bathroom.

I knew that this was only the beginning of a long pattern in my life, perhaps even to the very acts. He would be called away constantly, and likely often at night, and maybe even frequently after we had sex. Maybe even while we had sex. I shivered under the water. It wasn't as if I could just say no any more than he could. Narcissa was my example, and she could not demand or even ask things of the Dark Lord. It was her job to support Lucius how she could and not ask questions.

As it turned out, it did become routine, and very quickly. The worst bit, for me, was his being called away on Christmas.

I tried to stay up and wait for him, even though there was no way of knowing how long the raids would last, or even what type of raids they were. Sometimes Jack would tell me, sometimes he wouldn't, but I never, ever asked.

Except the following morning, waking up on Boxing Day to his kissing my neck.

It was a strange gesture from him, so I knew he must have done something particularly gruesome the night before.

I sat up, frowning at him sleepily.

"When did you get in?" I asked.

"Just a few minutes ago," he admitted. "When did you go to sleep?"

"Sometime after three in the morning," I said. "Can…can I ask what you were doing?"

He stiffened but did not chastise me, which meant that he would probably say something, at the very least. I'd half expected him to remind me not to ask questions.

"Raid," he muttered. "We went after a family."

Family implied children, although of what age I couldn't guess. Extended families often got together on Christmas.

"Oh," I said, frowning. "What did you do to them?"

He raised his eyebrows.

"We tortured and killed them," he snorted. "I doubt you want more detail than that."

He was right, I didn't. Jack turned over and settled onto the pillows. I turned onto my stomach and looked up at him.

"Were they Muggles?"

His eyes, which had been closing, fluttered open and he looked over at me, his face impassive.

"No."

A small knot formed in my stomach. Not Muggles… Muggleborns? I didn't want to say that, because of the political implications of the word, but saying Mudblood made me feel sick.

I didn't bite my lip like some other people I knew when they were thinking. It was bad for my lips. But it would have been a moment to do so, if I were the type to do such things.

"Wh-"

"Blood traitors," he said wearily, anticipating my question. "I'm going to get some sleep. Do you want more rest, or are you getting up?"

"I'll get up," I said quickly. "When would you like me to wake you?"

"Lunch, no sooner," he muttered, rolling onto his side and pulling the duvet up to his shoulders.

I scrambled out of bed and into my closet, which was not only a walk-in closet, but also had direct access to the hall. I climbed out of my negligée and pulled on a set of robes. It would be up to me to inform Jack's parents that he would not be joining us for breakfast.

That was the thing that stung a bit, the fact that the Manor was not ours until his father died. I had thought of all sorts of clever ways to poison the man, but it seemed like bad karma of a sort I didn't want.

I sat down at the vanity Jack had agreed to have installed in the closet so that he didn't have to see me unmade up anywhere but in our bed. It was rather sweet of him, actually, since he knew how I was about how I appeared, especially since the awful humiliations Sirius Black steeped on me in public at Hogwarts.

It was a sensitive topic.

I carefully combed my fingers through my hair to ensure that it did not become frizzy. Then I used foundation, mascara, and a light, nude lipstick to make up my face. I didn't use blush like some, less refined women. There was status to being pale, and I was naturally quite pale. Why spoil a perfectly good natural advantage?

I slipped into low heels that would accentuate my legs without making me miserable and then gathered my most suitable expression and went into the corridor, down to the dining room, where even breakfast was served. The Averys may not have always been so formal in the mornings, but I suspected that even if they hadn't at least some of the three-times-daily pomp and circumstance of mealtimes was a show of my mother-in-law's power.

Not that I particularly minded. Changing my clothes three times a day for the sake of dressing for each meal was amusing, and the more she put me through my paces the more I could impress her and prove that I was worthy of being her son's wife. Since I already was, there wasn't much she could do about it, anyway.

Well, except poison me, but I'd be a tough one to poison. I was the cautious, self-preserving sort of Gryffindor. I knew she expected me to be rash, but there are all sorts of bravery, chivalry, and nerve.

"Where is Jack?" she asked as I sat down gracefully.

"He asked to be allowed to sleep until lunch," I said with a smile. "He only just got back from a raid."

His parents nodded at this. How easily they believed me. I could use that as an excuse any time he wanted me to let him sleep, even if it was simply because we'd spent all night having sex.

Not that they ever did that.

But there was no such excuse for me. Even illness wasn't really good enough in my mother-in-law's eyes.

I began running through all the ways in my mind that would allow me to poison his parents.

A house-elf put pre-buttered toast on my plate and I smiled at it – the toast, not the elf – before reaching for my tea. Being Mrs. Jack Avery might have its issues and drawbacks, but anything good had something wrong with it. The perks, I decided as I mixed some sugar into my tea under the watchful eye of my mother-in-law, far outweighed the downsides.

And if I found a way to rid the house storerooms of bezoars the balance might soon tip even further in my favor.


	10. Times of Trouble

**A/N: Sirius's POV, this chapter is dedicated to **_**BritishBeauty x**_**, whose review prompted my editing of it. I hope you enjoy!**

** -C**

Amy and I had finished our first Christmas and New Year's together as a couple, and she thought it was cute that everyone had gifted us things for the baby instead of things for us. Well, maybe it was a bit cute.

But I wanted things too.

I kissed her before going to the first Order meeting of the New Year, and I was excited to see my friend and also ready to jokingly berate them for their gift-giving decisions. It was convenient that they would not only all be in one place, but that they would all be in one place where Amy couldn't make me be polite.

I sat down between James and Remus, who was doing much better about the whole Sarah thing since he and Amy had been writing back and forth regularly and having tea every few weeks. He was still depressed, but at least he didn't seem even a hint suicidal anymore.

"How have you been?" I asked him, clapping him on the shoulder.

"All right," he said with a shrug. "Have you seen Marlene? She didn't respond to my letter last week. I would have gone to see if she was okay, but I've been so busy with the Order stuff…."

I frowned, realizing that Amy had mentioned that Marlene was rather slow about replying as well.

"Maybe she had a mission we didn't know about," I said with a shrug.

But I felt uneasy.

Dumbledore came in about two minutes later and sat down with a solemn expression.

"I regret to inform you," he said softly, "that the McKinnon family were murdered on Christmas night."

My stomach dropped and I looked over at Lily, who began to shake as tears welled up in her eyes.

First Sarah, now Marlene. A sick part of me almost wanted to speculate on who was next.

"Why wasn't this in the papers?" Caradoc asked softly.

"The office wanted to keep it quiet," Frank said nervously. "A family of eight all murdered and no trace of who did it other than the Dark Mark above the house…. Well, it's a bit of an embarrassment, really, that our only suspect is Voldemort himself. Somehow, I don't think he was there."

I gave a hollow chuckle.

Marlene McKinnon, dead.

And not just Marlene, but her mother and father and brothers and sisters…. And on Christmas. None of us had suspected because we'd received presents from her and no one threw a party for New Year's Eve.

No signs at all of who had done it?

Lily was openly sobbing now, and she actually got up to leave the room to compose herself, and I watched James follow her out with a solemn look on his face.

It had been strange when Mary MacDonald had died when we were at school. It had been a surreal sort of awful when we received news of Sarah's death. They had been people I knew. But Marlene, she was a friend. She was someone I liked.

She was supposed to be in my wedding.

"Oh, Merlin," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

"Sirius?" Dumbledore said softly.

I looked up at him, feeling tears forming in my own eyes as I thought of breaking this news to Amy.

"Is there anything particular you need me for?" I asked. "Or Lily and James? It's just…."

"Go and tell Amy," he said, nodding. "Someone can fill you in another time."

I thanked him and got to my feet, going out to the hall where James was hugging a sobbing Lily to his chest.

"Pads?" he asked, looking up at me. "What's going on? Does he need us?"

"No," I said, patting Lily's hair. "He said we could go. We've got to tell Amy. And maybe we can help these two out while they grieve, yeah?"

"Oh, I didn't even think of Amy," James said sadly. "She was going to be in your wedding too, wasn't she?"

I nodded.

We grabbed out cloaks and went back to mine, finding Amy sitting, reading a book. She frowned as we entered.

"You're back early," she said, glancing at the clock. "I haven't started dinner."

She saw Lily, who had just had another breakdown as soon as I took her cloak and hung it up, and her eyes widened. Amy rushed across the room, hugging Lily tightly and looking over Lily's shoulder at me.

"What in Merlin's name happened?"

"There was a raid on Christmas," James said hollowly. "The McKinnons…. They're all dead."

Her eyes widened even more and she glanced at me as if hoping I would tell her it wasn't true. I thought of Remus's fears for the baby at the news of Sarah's death.

"Don't panic," I told her softly. "Think of the baby."

"I am thinking of the baby," Amy said softly. "I'm thinking of how much I want a drink right now and that the baby is keeping me from it."

I sighed.

"James, go make sandwiches or something," I ordered. "And tea."

He disappeared into the kitchen and I made the girls sit down, moving Amy's book to the table so that I could wrap my arms around her.

"She went fighting," I said softly. "You know she did. It's what she would have wanted."

"She didn't want to die," Amy said coldly. "And the fact that she couldn't come out alive doesn't speak wonders for my own chances."

I froze, thinking of how I could better protect the house, better protect Amy and our child. Nothing was going to happen to them, not while there was breath in my body. It didn't matter what I had to do. Nothing was going to happen to them.

"Here's the tea," James said, entering. He handed Lily a cup and she took it with shaking hands. I watched Amy snatch her cup from him, and he held one out to me.

I shook my head, not feeling like putting anything in my stomach.

"We've got a photographer," James said conversationally. "For the wedding, you know. I'll send you some of his prints so you can decide if you like him too. His prices are good, especially for the quality."

I blinked.

What was he doing, talking about our weddings when our friend was dead?

But I realized how effective it was when Lily wiped her eyes and nodded.

"We've decided to let Frank play as well," she said softly, smiling a little as she lifted her tea. She sipped, put the cup down, and said, "He's good. And if he's coming anyway…."

She shrugged.

"Is Mrs. Potter doing your food as well, then?" I asked James, who nodded.

Amy was still giving us sour looks, but she was cracking. He was brilliant, bloody brilliant. Nothing cheered these two up more than talking about weddings except talking about the baby, and as that had already failed by my insensitivity….

"I was thinking," Lily said, smiling a little, "we should get our dresses together. Obviously yours will need a different fitting schedule, but we could at least pick them out at the same time."

Amy was looking a little less upset as she began to nod slowly.

"You'll have to get something ivory," Amy said slowly. "I suppose I will as well, but yours ought to be more yellow and mine creamier."

"I'm picturing you in silk duchesse satin," James said, and I blinked at him. What had happened? Had Lily truly taken over his mind?

Amy nodded thoughtfully.

"Yes, and Lily should be in something like organza."

James agreed, and Lily blushed a little.

What were they even talking about? What was organza?

"Corsets, of course," Amy said thoughtfully.

Lily's eyes bulged.

"Do I have to?" she asked. "I mean, I know it's a pureblood tradition, but-"

"Trust me, Lily," Amy said with a laugh, "You'll be glad you did when you look at the pictures."

Actually, we would have to talk about a corset for Amy, because there was no way I was letting her wear one if it would hurt the baby in any way. But that could be brought up later.

"How long do you want your train to be?" James asked. Where was he getting all this stuff? "Lily's got her heart set on chapel-length."

What did that mean? It would be as long as a chapel? I barely stopped myself from snorting at that image.

"I'm not sure I really even want a train," Amy said with a shrug. "My mother didn't have one. Mrs. Potter wouldn't mind putting up our guests for the night, right? It's just, she's got all that space and we've got so many people coming in…."

"She's already planning on it," James said with a grin.

"Have you registered anywhere?" Lily asked. "Do they do that in the wizarding world?"

All three of us blinked at her, confused, and Lily explained the concept of a wedding registry. We assured her that there was no need for such a thing in the wizarding world.

The girls actually then both pulled out their lists of what was left to do.

"Oh, have you started on your invitations yet?" Amy asked. "We haven't decided on where we're getting ours done or if we want to do them ourselves."

"Oh, I hadn't thought of doing them ourselves," Lily said thoughtfully. "You know, I think we could do that, but then there's the programs…"

I thought about tuning them out, but there wasn't much time for me to do so before Amy grinned and said, "Are you two taking a honeymoon?"

I swallowed, blinking at her.

We hadn't even talked about one. I'd been thinking about the wedding, the child, the war….

But then when she said the word I had an image of Amy, newly married, writhing underneath me in some hotel suite somewhere and I already could think of a million reasons why a honeymoon was an excellent idea.

"Just a night or two," Lily said nervously. She was blushing.

"We know we'll be needed for the Order," James said, clearing his throat. "So while we want to do something, we know it can't be anything extravagant.

Oh, be extravagance could be measured in all sorts of ways.

To my surprise, though, Amy nodded and said, "That's what I was thinking, too. I figured Sirius could figure out the budget and everything like that, but…"

"Where do you want to go?" I asked, moving closer, putting my hand on her thigh and licking my lips slightly. Lily laughed.

"You know, that's the quickest way to get Sirius into a conversation about wedding planning," she said, eyes sparkling. "Bring up the honeymoon."

It was good that they were so happy once more. They'd essentially forgotten the whole tragedy of Marlene.

"Haha," I said sarcastically, but Amy kissed my cheek.

"I dunno," she said shyly. "What about…what about somewhere in Sussex? I've never been out that way, and…"

"Anywhere you want to go, love," I promised. "Pick any place in the world and we'll spend two days."

She kissed my cheek.

I'd been to Sussex a time or two and my mind was already thinking of cute little inns where I could take her. We'd take the train, of course, so I could spend the whole way there, holding her. I'd find the best restaurant in the county and take her there.

Amy and Lily began babbling about the sorts of things that ought to be done on honeymoons, and what should be packed, but then I truly stopped listening. I was already picturing Amy naked, sprawled out on the bed of some inn, giving me her sexiest smile.

In fact, even I had forgotten Marlene's death entirely until James said they needed to go, and that he would have to tell his mother the news.

"Oh," Amy said slowly. "About the bridesmaid situations…"

"We'll have Remus read in ours so things are even again," Lily said slowly.

"We'll figure something out," I assured Amy. We said our goodnights, and Lily and James left.

To my surprise, though, when I had expected and even hoped to immediately seduce her after we were alone, she actually took off unexpectedly to the kitchen, sitting down in a chair and frowning at the table.

"Amy?"

I crossed over into the kitchen, standing in the doorway as she looked up at me, still frowning.

"Her whole family, Sirius, gone."

Marlene was brought back to the forefront of my thoughts and I shivered. I took a step forward and Amy shook her head as she looked down at the table again.

"Amy, come to bed, please. I don't want to talk about this in the kitchen."

Part of me wanted to just kiss her and make love to her and forget about it until the morning but I knew that wasn't much of an option.

She put up no objection as I took her hand and helped her out of the chair, leading her to our bedroom where I pulled off my shirt, shuffling out of my trousers and crawling into bed, watching her shrug out of her dress and kick it aside as she crawled in beside me.

"What's wrong, Amy?" I asked, pushing hair out of her eyes. "Is it just Marlene, or…?"

She sighed, resting her head on my shoulder and I realized this would not be a night for sex, pulling the covers up over us as she got comfortable.

"It's just a lot to think of right now," she admitted. "I mean, between the war, all these deaths, the constant fear…. And then we're getting married, having a baby. I mean, what right do we have to bring a child into this world?"

She was afraid, and I didn't want her to be afraid. Amy was my rock, my everything. I needed her strength.

"I promise you," I said, leaning forward to kiss her forehead and touching her stomach gently. "I promise you that everything is going to turn out okay. I'm fighting this war because it's the right thing to do, but I'm also fighting because I want you to be safe, and I want a world where our little girl will be able to live without the fear we grew up in. Maybe it's a bit selfish, but I want this baby, Amy, and so do you. This child, this little girl, is going to be the most important thing in both of our lives, something to live for, something to fight for. I promise you that I am going to do everything I can to make a beautiful life for the three of us."

She was crying, her tears falling almost rhythmically on my skin. Soon she would start to show, maybe in a month or so. Everything was becoming so real. When I was a child I thought that by the time I finished school I might be married, but on my way to fatherhood and fighting in a war….

"It's just so much to think about," she sighed. "Any one of these things at once is a lot to take on, but we're having children and getting married and living in a war and…and I'm overwhelmed, honestly."

"Let's just try to take it one step at a time, then," I said gently, smiling at her as she lay back on the pillow again. "First of all, let's name our daughter. You're far enough along now that I think we should at least come up with ideas."

Amy blushed, looking up at the ceiling.

"I already know what I want to name her."

I blinked, surprised. When was she going to tell me?

"What is it, love?"

"Aludra Lyda."

I took a deep breath, turning it over in my mind. Aludra was one of the stars in my constellation. The Maiden. She was keeping with the Astronomy names, but I couldn't think of a Black I'd ever been forced to learn about named Aludra. Perhaps the name was too pretty.

It was pretty, actually.

"Aludra Lyda Black," I muttered, letting the names run off my tongue.

"Do you like it?" she asked nervously, her eyes shining with the remnants of recently shed tears.

"I absolutely love it."

I pressed a kiss to her lips, feeling her hands tangle up in my hair, wishing that this would be a good time to seduce her. I knew it wasn't, but every time I felt her lips on mine I wanted to seduce her. I also prided myself, however, in being sensitive to her needs, and this was not the time.

I moved to pull out of the kiss, thinking of the best way to hold her that night to give her comfort and to make both of us comfortable.

To my surprise, though, Amy frowned at me and pulled me into a deeper kiss. I moaned as her tongue begged entry into my mouth.

Did she know how easily she turned me on? Did she have any idea how hard it was for me to stop once she got me going? I had to stop, I had to push her away, I had to be sensitive of her needs….

I tried to pull out of the kiss again, increasingly reluctant to do so, and she raised an eyebrow at me.

"What, is there something wrong with my breath?" she asked.

I blinked at her, a bit confused.

"No," I assured her. "No, you're perfect. Everything's perfect."

"Then what are you pushing me away for?" she demanded, rolling me on top of her and giving me her sexiest look. "I want you."

I groaned slightly feeling her legs wrap around my waist.

I needed to get better at reading her, obviously, because I hadn't even smelled her arousal, so lost I was in my own thoughts.

Submitting to Amy's kisses, I resolved never to assume that it was a bad night for sex ever again unless I got the words straight from her mouth.


	11. Into the Fold

**A/N: Vanessa's POV, this chapter is dedicated to new follower, **_**A Tragic Comic**_**. I hope you enjoy!**

** -C**

Jack's parents had moved into a different wing and his father and insisted that they stop the ridiculous intermingling of two married couples, so I thankfully didn't have to see them very often. I spent many peaceful days in our wing, minding my own business, reading novels, practicing my potion-making, and drawing.

I was actually drawing when Jack came in after a Death Eater meeting, a solemn expression as he sat across from me, glancing down at the picture I was making before looking back up at my face without a word about my pursuit.

"Regulus Black is dead."

I shook my head at him incredulously for a moment before I said softly, "What do you mean? You weren't even at a raid. He…. He was at school for Merlin's sake!"

There was no reason I should be so upset.

"He'd already joined," Avery said, slowly. "He joined when I did. It was kept quiet, for obvious reasons. He never went back to Hogwarts. It was over the holiday. We don't really know what happened. The Dark Lord hasn't said, but I suspect it had something to do with the Order. Perhaps Black was on a mission, and he was caught. I have no doubt his brother would kill him."

Not from what Sirius had told me about Regulus. Not getting his little brother away from his parents had, at least while we were dating, been one of his greatest regrets. The likelihood of Sirius being the one to kill Regulus Black would have been low, even on that count alone.

"No, not if Peter's to be believed," I said slowly. "He said that Sirius has been allowed to not do missions until their child is born and Amy has recovered enough to be left alone."

He frowned, tilting his head, considering this. He would file it away for future use, perhaps tell the other Death Eaters. I simply watched until he reached out his hand and turned my drawing around for a better look at it.

"Is this what you do all day?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

If I were of lesser self-awareness, I might have blushed, but I simply shrugged.

"Sometimes I brew potions," I told him. "Basic things, just to keep my skills fresh and amuse me. And I read. But this amuses me the best, I think."

He continued to look at it thoughtfully.

"Is this the gardens?"

"The freesias, yes."

He looked up, pride in his eyes.

"It's quite good," he said. "I think you could improve even more. I should arrange a private tutor."

I raised an eyebrow casually.

"If it pleases you."

It would be interesting, at least, to have someone instruct me on my art. I hadn't expected for Jack to care one way or another, but perhaps this was the sort of genteel thing he figured he could use to show me off and talk me up to others.

He was right, though. It would need improvement before he could really brag about it with pride.

Jack and I spent little time together outside of when he came to bed. He did that less and less frequently, what with the constant demands of the Dark Lord. It was discouraging that I had not conceived a child yet, and my mother-in-law had mentioned it once or twice, but there wasn't much pressure yet. Narcissa had a bit of pressure on her, but we would have a couple of years before we were truly expected to start bearing heirs. A woman's first priority was ordering her new household, building the nest so to speak.

"Mother wants to do a formal dinner in a week," Jack said slowly. "I want you to invite Pettigrew."

I raised my eyebrow.

"Don't you think he might be uncomfortable meeting my husband?"

"Women have lovers, even the married ones. Sometimes the husbands know and approve of them. You needn't actually sleep with him, but by no means do you have to make this into some sort of discouragement. But I think that by meeting us he will think of the right sort of information to pass through you to us more easily."

He was going to be used more directly. He would know he was a pawn.

"I need to think on it," I said softly. "It's not that I don't think you have a good point, but I need to be sure that this is the right time and way. I'm meeting with him for lunch tomorrow. I'll let you know after if he'll be coming. This needs to be handled…delicately. He cannot think that he is losing his control over the situation. He fancies himself clever in this area, you know."

Jack chuckled, amused. It was rather amusing, at that, but Peter wasn't totally helpless in maneuvering. After all, he'd tipped the scales on the whole Sarah and Remus issue; he just hadn't been able to calculate that it would not be the right place to put pressure in order to keep Amy and Sirius apart. To be honest, I wasn't sure that anything would have been able to keep those two apart indefinitely. From looking back, I was almost certain that their whole relationship was almost cosmically predestined. Some things were meant to be.

Not like Evans and Potter, whatever James Potter wanted to think about it. For one thing, the amount of ego in that relationship was almost toxic.

Jack left me alone after a short while and I looked down at my freesia drawing lazily, thinking of what Lily Evans's pretty, pale throat would look like, strangled, bruised….

My hands began to shake with excitement and I pulled out a fresh sheet of parchment, making a list.

Sarah Kelly was already dead. That hadn't been high on my priority list, anyway, nor had Marlene McKinnon, but at least they wouldn't get in the way. I put them in a column by themselves my hand then pausing at the top of the next column.

I had told Peter that Sirius was my main target, but although he was high on my list, Lily Evans was undoubtedly the top of my list. Whether or not I would seal her doom first was another matter, but I carefully wrote her name at the top of the page, thinking as I finished each letter of a new way to ruin her. Part of me sincerely wanted to be the one to kill her myself, but one can't always live merely for their own satisfaction.

If my husband gained some strategic advantage from her death, I would let him take it, of course. After all, getting my hands dirty had never particularly appealed to me.

There would be plenty of time to plot out the revenge more carefully as time and events revealed a more specific path to me. I contented myself with this knowledge and focused in on the next name, which had to be Sirius.

Sirius Black had publically humiliated me, which may have had an adverse effect on my marriage prospects had not Jack Avery seen the value in having me at his side. I had known Jack since childhood, and he had seen through Sirius's games for what they were, just as he saw through mine.

Killing or destroying Sirius would be trickier. He was far and away the best duelist in our year. Even getting one of Jack's colleagues to kill him would be a difficult, nigh impossible.

No, his demise would have to be especially carefully organized. I would have to find a way to hurt him through others, to see where that would leave him, how vulnerable he would be. I had seen him when James's father had died, and that had been a natural thing, no tragedy involved.

But if something were to happen to Amy or James….

I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to happen to them. Obviously James was no longer of use to me now that I was married to Jack, so I wouldn't really mind anything happening to him. But whatever my feelings about Amy, I did feel more than a little adverse to anything happening to her that was too permanent.

After all, she was pregnant. Anything should certainly be put off until after she'd delivered, and I didn't like the idea of being responsible for orphaning a young child. For my part, Amy would not be killed or hurt beyond repair, if only for the sake of her coming daughter. No, James would be the way to get to Sirius.

I suspected that Peter would agree with me on that point. If we managed to get Sirius out of the way without damaging Amy, the fool could convince himself that he could come striding in like a hero and marry her, raise her child, and live happily ever after.

It was far more likely that Remus would fill Sirius's hole, if not romantically than at least in helping her to raise the child, especially if I got rid of Lily and had to get rid of James.

I then looked at my list, which only had two names. It got murkier after that. Lily and Sirius were really the only ones who deserved any sort of suffering on my behalf, but there were people who would surely be collateral damage. I put Amy's name down for good measure, but put a small notation beside it so that I knew I would not make her a proper target.

Should I put Remus on the list? And what about Peter, eventually?

Perhaps it was dangerous to think about ending Peter while I was still trying to decide exactly how best to use him in both my own plans and the plans of my husband, but it was equally dangerous to use someone without some sort of idea of what the end goal for their involvement would be. Peter would know too much. Either I would have to find some way to tie him to us so completely that he could not betray us, or I would need to find some way to organize his…demise.

I would wait to add him to the list.

Remus was a tricky one. I had no particular grudge against him, and if Sirius's end would be death, someone would have to help Amy raise a child.

On the other hand, depending on how things went with the others, I might very well need to end him as well. Couldn't leave loose ends just because I wasn't completely heartless.

I would have to wait and see, make a decision later.

I then began running over those close to the targets. Sirius was difficult, as his brother was now dead. He had a cousin, but I knew little about her. She was so much older, and had been out of the pureblood circles for years.

That was something that could be planted into Jack's head eventually, if I decided it would be fruitful. For the moment I could focus on other things. There was Mrs. Potter, of course. She was quite old, as her husband had been, and so often one spouse followed the other. It shouldn't be too difficult, when the time was right, to get her out of the way and have it look like nothing. Even an innocent-seeming loss like that would cause Sirius tremendous pain.

I could expect Peter to be behind me on that, I was nearly certain. I might even hand him the poison to do it with. Who would honestly suspect Peter Pettigrew of poisoning someone? And as we'd been very careful to keep his associations with me a secret, there was no problem with the plan that I could see. I just would have to wait for the right time.

As far as hurting Lily Evans, well, she had a lovely, helpless Muggle family somewhere. I made a quick note to point that out to Jack for his thoughts very soon.

I met with Peter the following day in our usual Muggle place, arriving just slightly fashionably late. He was pleased to see me, as always, and gave me a quick review of what had happened since Marlene McKinnon's death, which is to say, not very much.

"I have a little…proposition for you," I said sweetly. "If you feel up to it."

He raised his eyebrows.

"What sort of proposition?" he asked.

"It's time for things to get serious," I said smoothly, smirking. "There's going to be a society event at Avery Manor later in the week, and I think you should attend."

"Really?" Peter said, excited and confused.

How he responded to this request would seal how I would go forward with him in the future. If he saw this as a positive, if he at the very least saw this as me inviting him into my home with the possibility of more intimate interaction in the future, I could continue to use him.

If he saw it for what it was, I would have to get rid of him, and quickly, because he could only be a dangerous hindrance. I held my breath, waiting.

"It would be okay?" he asked softly. "I mean, your husband wouldn't…?"

Oh, he was as terribly naïve as I'd hoped, Merlin bless him.

I gave him my most practiced seductive smile.

"Don't worry about Jack. He supports my revenge plans, or what he knows of them. He'll want to talk with you, of course, but you can fool the Marauders. I think that playing with Snakes should be no trouble for you."

As long as you don't mind getting charmed and bit, or even swallowed whole.

After that little to no cajoling was needed to get him to agree to come. He probably even thought that meeting Jack was all his idea by the time we were done.

"I'll write you, then," I said sweetly, kissing his cheek before leaving him standing there, stunned.

I got back to Avery Manor to find Jack having a drink in our rooms, firewhiskey by the smell. I tried not to show my displeasure at his drink choice as I walked in, sitting on his lap confidently. He raised his eyebrows at me questioningly.

"I've just finished meeting with Peter Pettigrew," I said, smirking at him. "He's very pleased to come here and meet you, thinks it would be a brilliant idea."

He chuckled, setting aside his drink and putting his hands at my waist, pulling me closer as I wrapped my arms gracefully around his neck.

"I suppose this means that he thinks it was his idea," he muttered, pressing his lips to my jaw. "Perfect, Vanessa. It seems this marriage is good for more than just family honor. The Dark Lord will be very pleased."

I shivered, not entirely certain whether from his words or from the way he was nipping at my neck.

Jack rolled me over onto the bed, his hands tracing up my thighs under my dress.

Life was good.

Sex had improved, not because Jack had improved at it, but rather because I had improved at compensating for his weaknesses. Perhaps we had gotten to the point in our relationship where I could hint ways he could improve his performance to him, but it didn't seem worth it to me to risk.

We collapsed and he surprised me as he often did by cuddling with me. I wasn't sure why I was still surprised by this behavior from him after so many times, but it never ceased to amaze and confuse me.

"Do you regret marrying me, Vanessa?" he asked.

I blinked up at him.

"Why would I regret marrying you?" I asked, truly confused. Not only was this a strange level of introspection from him that I did not typically see, but I also had no idea what he was possibly referring to.

He shrugged, resting his head against my collarbone, his forehead pressed to my neck.

"It's just that, you spend so much time alone, and you have no profession, and I'm not as attentive often as I should be."

I had the suspicion that he and Lucius had been discussing Narcissa and me again.

"I assure you," I said softly, running my fingers absently through his hair, "that none of those things bothers me, and sometimes they're even positives. I am not a dog. I do not need constant attention or companionship. If I needed that, I would have married a Hufflepuff. And as for a profession, why on earth would I need or want a profession? I'm not one of these ridiculous modern women who feel the need to constantly be occupied and assert myself, Jack. I've worked very hard to get where I am, but I don't need to be recognized for that."

"As long as you're sure," he said. It was obvious from his tone that he was growing tired and I adjusted so that we were on our sides, facing each other, heads on the pillow. His leg was between mine and I was surprised when he pulled us closer together.

"You're in a strange mood tonight," I said, grinning. "Sure you aren't jealous of Pettigrew?"

He snorted, rolling his eyes.

"As if I could be jealous of such pathetic filth," he drawled. "No, I've merely been doing a lot of thinking since Regulus Black's death."

I was truly confused.

"What do you mean?" I asked, frowning and stretching, pressing my forehead to his.

"I mean that things can change in an instant." He paused, reaching to turn out the light with his wand. "There is no telling what might happen to me in this war, Vanessa. And if you are left alone, a widow, if I fall from favor or if…."

I pressed a finger to his lips.

"Everything's going to be fine," I whispered into the darkness. "You simply won't die until I say you're allowed to do so, and don't anger the Dark Lord. Problem solved."

We laughed empty, practiced laughs and said no more of the truth that night.


	12. Bonded for Life

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to avid reader and reviewer, **_**sarahmichellegellarfan1**_**. I hope you enjoy the switch to Amy! I had a lot of fun writing this chapter.**

** -C**

It had finally arrived.

It was a bit of a lonely hen do with just Lily and me sitting there on the floor of our room at the Potter Manor, but we weren't going to let that stop us.

Entirely.

"It's a shame you can't drink," she said sadly, glancing at my stomach. "I mean, I know you said I could, but it wouldn't be fun if I was the only one drunk."

"You've said three times," I said, smirking slightly.

And she thought I honestly didn't know that she'd had a few drinks before I even got there.

"So, do you want to play a game or something?" Lily asked, giggling.

I wasn't sure what sort of game a drunk Lily would come up with, but I had a fairly distinct feeling that I didn't want to find out.

"Maybe we should start slow," I said, knowing that she'd be passed out within two hours anyway, so I had to keep her away from games for that long, at least.

"Fine," she said with a pout. "Was there anything to prepare for tomorrow we were going to do tonight?"

Marlene and I had planned the hen do so carefully before she died, but without her it didn't seem the same.

"Have you and James decided on your honeymoon?" I asked, getting up and looking at her trunk, making sure that she hadn't packed while drunk.

"Of course," she said with a laugh. "We're going to Paris. Isn't that romantic?"

I winced.

I'd been to Paris a time or two and had seen nothing romantic in it. It was dirty, it was full of very rude, inconsiderate people, and the sights weren't better than anything we had in London. If I were to visit a European city, for romance or otherwise, I'd go to Italy.

"That sounds lovely," I said, trying to think about what weather would be like in Paris in March. I fished through her trunk while she regaled me with her speculations on what the boys were doing right that very moment.

I didn't need her to speculate to know what they were up to. They were getting absolutely, incredibly pissed and I was sitting there ensuring that a drunk Lily had packed properly for her honeymoon.

It was official. I'd joined motherhood, and I was only just starting to show.

"Right," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "You're taking a ferry, then?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "Train, then ferry. Then train again. Are you taking the train?"

For my honeymoon, I assumed she meant.

"Yeah, we are," I said, mentally running through my list of things to consider. "Are you going to some sort of resort?"

"No, just a quiet place," she sighed. "James called to confirm things a couple of weeks ago. He's taking me to this great restaurant…"

"Your passports are all good?" I pressed.

She nodded.

"All our papers are in order," she muttered, glancing under the bed where I knew she'd hidden her flask. I looked away into the trunk again to gracefully give her an opportunity to sneak a drink.

"You know where the Embassy is?" I asked. "And the French Ministry?"

She raised an eyebrow when I turned around, the flask just peeking out from under the bed.

"Amy, we're going to France, not to Laos."

"Fair enough," I agreed. "But it's better to be safe. Pureblooded wizards from England holiday in France all the time…"

"Not in March," she snorted. "But yes, James knows where they both are. And before you ask, we have Muggle money."

Just to be sure, I went through her purse to find their train tickets, ferry tickets, her passport, the Muggle money she'd mentioned, numerous reservation confirmations, a vial of contraceptive potion and a vial of pain potion, presumably for travel sickness.

I found myself ensuring one last time that everything she would need was in the trunk before turning back to her.

"Okay, your hotel is definitely confirmed," I sighed. "Did you check the weather?"

"Yeah, it'll be cold at night but it's not supposed to rain," she muttered. She must have snuck another drink while I was in her purse.

"Okay, it looks like that's all set, then," I said, able to breath easily again. "Oh, stop being absurd and just pull out the stupid flask, Lily. I'm not judging you for drinking at your own hen do."

She blinked her big green eyes at me for a moment before she comprehended that I was giving her full permission to continue to consume alcohol unfettered.

"Right," she sighed, pulling out the flask and taking a long swig. "What do you suspect the boys are doing now?"

"Probably not going over packing and hiding flasks," I said with a hollow laugh, wondering if my own hen do was going to be this absurd.

Once she began to drink openly it did only take about an hour and a half for her to pass out and I passed the time by reading and satisfying myself with one more check of all the things both for the following morning and for their honeymoon. I sighed, looking at Lily, sprawled out on the floor in what must have been an uncomfortable sleeping position, so I levitated her onto her bed and tucked her in.

"Mmm, squash and peanuts," she muttered, and I tried not to snort with laughter as I inched away from her bed.

I crawled into my bed, wondering how silly she would feel in the morning, unable to recall what she had done. I would tell her the truth, of course, that she'd really done nothing of interest, and that no matter what the boys had done she at least had honor on her side.

Lily Evans, I thought as I closed my eyes, settling in for sleep. So pure and honor-bound that she couldn't even manage to have a proper hen do.

Of course, it was partly my fault for being pregnant, but it wasn't planned that way.

The following morning, Lily was the one waking me, of all things.

"Get off your arse, McAuley," she barked like James at his Quidditch players. "We haven't got any time to waste."

Of course, once we started the actual actions of the preparations, she began to get exceedingly nervous, so as we dressed her and did hair and make-up we talked about my wedding plans instead.

"We'll have to shop for my dress as soon as I get back from the honeymoon," she said. "Have you decided on a color you want me to wear?"

I shook my head.

"Blue or green, whatever you feel more comfortable in. I think we'll know when we see the dresses. Dumbledore says all of our paperwork is in order, and he's very excited to officiate for us."

"Did you choose a florist?" she asked before pressing her lips together to smooth the layer of lip gloss over the light lipstick she'd applied before it.

"Using the one you two are using," I said. "Probably the same blooms, too, but we're having them died blue. Lilies, Vandela roses. Just classic."

"Oh, and died blue?" Lily said happily. "That sounds lovely!"

She and I discussed the timeline of my wedding day, which would end up resembling Lily's quite a lot, not because I was too lazy to come up with my own order of events, but because we had very similar wedding tastes. I was putting a bit more emphasis on the cake cutting, not for any particular wedding reason, but because I happened to think that any cake was an important life event and ought to be treated as such.

We went downstairs at the appointed time and Mrs. Potter cooed over us, adjusting my dress briefly before ushering us out to the entrance to the ballroom.

Mr. Evans told his daughter how beautiful she looked before the doors opened, music came to us from where we stood in the doorway, and we began the procession. Guests looked at Lily in awe, whispering to each other about how beautiful she looked.

And she did, she looked positively radiant.

But there was at least one person in the ballroom not looking at Lily, and that was Sirius, whose eyes were glued to me from the moment I walked in, as my eyes were glued to him from the second the doors opened.

He looked gorgeous, in spite of his ridiculous pink tie. I was still shocked that Lily had gotten him to do that, but he didn't seem to care about the tie, his face beaming at me as I took my spot across from him. It was so very hard to pay attention to the ceremony as his gray eyes burned with desire.

"I now pronounce you bonded for life!"

My heart was pounding as Lily and James shared a public, meaningful, passionate kiss between us. I wanted to kiss Sirius, but he was too far away. I wanted Sirius to hold me, but he was on the other side of Lily and James.

At the reception, however, I got my wish. Sirius strayed not once from my side the whole day, his hand constantly on my waist, which was growing what felt like every day.

"I can't believe I've got the prettiest girl in England," he sighed, kissing my lips before holding up a fork laden with cake for me to eat off of.

He liked watching me eat, and I liked eating. Who was I to argue with it? Especially when he got just the properly organized mouthfuls of cake on each bite, with just the right amount of frosting.

He was wrong about that, though. Lily was very obviously the prettiest girl in England as far as anyone who saw her that day would be able to attest.

"Do you feel like dancing, or are you tired?" he asked when we'd finished our cake.

"I'd rather save my energy," I said with a bit of a smirk, and his eyes widened and he sat up a bit straighter.

Sirius was so much better to deal with when he knew sex was coming.

I did dance briefly, once with Remus and once with Sirius, but then I sat down, watching Sirius dance with Lily, making her laugh as he spun her.

"You look beautiful, Amy," Peter said, sitting down across from me at the table. I smiled at him.

"Thank you, Peter," I said happily. "The dress didn't come out fitting as well as we would have liked, but we were expecting me to be showing more than I am, so I guess that's a blessing and a curse."

"No, you look perfect," he said, his ears turning a bit red. Or had they been red when he sat down? I couldn't conjure up the memory to recall. His ears went red when he'd been drinking, so that was probably what I should attribute it to.

"Well, thank you, Peter," I said, laughing lightly. "I'm not foolish enough to argue with a well-intentioned compliment."

He blushed again, muttered something, and then he leaned forward looking at me with a strange expression.

Yeah, definitely drinking.

"Hey, Amy," Sirius said, coming up and taking my hands, grinning. "Let's go say goodnight to our lovely married couple and call it a night, shall we?"

"Sure," I said, letting him help me to my feet. "Nice to see you Peter. Don't stay out too late!"

Peter mumbled something else and I raised my eyebrows at Sirius and shrugged, following him over to Lily and James. We said our goodbyes, quick pictures were taken by someone in the Order, and Sirius took me home. We had to take the Floo because of how pregnant I was, but I found I didn't mind.

Sirius led me into our bedroom, pulling off his robes as he went, starting with the pink tie, which he proceeded to set on fire.

I giggled.

So that had been his prerogative all along.

"You have no idea how incredibly sexy you look right now," he growled.

I would never understand what he found sexy about my looking fat, but he seemed fascinated with me even more since I'd begun to show, and the bigger I got the more he wanted me. Considering how much he wanted me before I got pregnant, it was undoubtedly exhausting.

After the wedding, though, and having to see him looking so sexy the whole time, watching him watch me, and being plagued by pregnancy-induced hormones, I wanted him as badly as he seemed to want me.

I smiled at him, watching him pull off his robes, tossing them to the side. I unzipped my dress slowly as he watched with burning eyes. He then hastily began unbuttoning his shirt, which I came over to help him with. As I pushed it off his gorgeous shoulders he kissed me hungrily. I could taste cake and wine on his lips, and I was desperate for more. Perhaps it was partly because I hadn't tasted wine in months, or because the combination was just so deliciously perfect, or because he had pushed my dress off me and was touching me in the best possible way.

"Sirius," I moaned as he carefully lifted me and put me on the bed. "Sirius, I want you so much."

He groaned, moving to hover over me and kissing my breasts, then my swollen belly.

I shifted.

It was always a little uncomfortable when he did that. He was acknowledging our growing daughter before having sex with me. I wondered if she could hear things yet. Could she hear the intense cries of passion of her parents? Could she discern from the way he said my name that he was about to make love to me?

I didn't mind for too long, though, because Sirius had a way of making me forget that anything else in the world mattered beyond the way he touched me, the way our bodies fit together.

It was getting more and more logistically difficult to have sex the larger I got, but Sirius didn't seem discouraged by this. He had been doing actual research, reading magazines and constantly trying to find positions that made things more comfortable for me. We'd certainly gotten good at it, and I hardly felt any discomfort most times.

We'd used chairs, we'd had me on top (which was my personal favorite), we'd had me lie down at the foot of the bed while Sirius stood, we'd added multiple pillows carefully positioned all over the bed to help prop me properly, from behind with me facing the wall and both of us standing, doggy style (unsurprisingly Sirius's favorite), having me sitting on his lap and facing away from him, and on the kitchen counter.

"What are you feeling like tonight?" I asked, but he didn't answer, just kissed down the curve of my belly so that I could not see his head as it went between my legs.

We had sex in three different positions that night, and he spent all time not having sex in touching and holding and kissing me. We spooned when we were too tired to continue on through the night and he whispered, "Soon it's our turn."

It was flattering, how excited Sirius was getting about our impending marriage. I couldn't tell what made him more proud and pleased, the thought that I was going to have his baby or the thought that I was going to share his name.

"So it is," I sighed. "I hope you two didn't have too much fun on the stag night."

He laughed.

"I honestly don't remember. How was life sober?"

I groaned at him, smacking his chest playfully, and he just laughed.

"Lily was sneaking drinks from a flask until I told her to just drink it openly and she passed out not long after that. I went over her honeymoon preparations and double-checked her packing. I don't know when she'd started drinking, but there was a chance that she'd started before she'd finished packing and I didn't want her trying to be sensitive of me to cause problems on their honeymoon."

"Wow," he sighed. "I hope we have the baby before the wedding so you can have a bit of fun."

I didn't think that drinking and breastfeeding went together very well, but I wasn't about to tell Sirius that.

It was possible that I might have the baby before the wedding. I wasn't due for a week after the wedding date, according to my Healer and midwife, but having a child early wasn't unheard of, especially on the first one. Sirius would love that. He wanted the baby to come as soon as possible so he could start playing with it and spoiling it.

"I've started making the nursery," he said happily, and I knew it was time to commence the spoiling. I rolled my eyes.

"Have you, now?" I teased, pressing my lips to his neck. "Please tell me it's not all Gryffindor colors."

"I've not started painting yet," he said slowly. "Wait, what's wrong with Gryffindor colors?"

"We might both be Gryffindors," I said, laughing. "But I have a lot of Ravenclaws in my family too, remember? What are you going to do if you raise our child in Gryffindor colors and she gets Sorted into Ravenclaw?"

His eyes grew wide with shock and he said, "Do you really think a child raised so firmly in one house could be Sorted into another?"

I laughed.

"Sirius, you were the son of two Slytherins, raised to be a Slytherin, surrounded by Slytherin cultures and values, and yet you were still Sorted into Gryffindor."

"Hmm," he muttered. "Maybe you're right. Well, Ravenclaw wouldn't be so bad. We'll read her books. Just…just no snake toys, of any kind, all right?"

"I think you're safe on that, darling," I teased. "Most little girls have no interest in playing with snakes."


	13. What He Wants

**A/N: Vanessa's POV, this chapter is dedicated to reader and reviewer **_**danceegirl92**_**, who is one of those who finds the Vanessa chapters interesting. I hope this one interests you just as much!**

** -C**

"It was a nice wedding, from what I remember of it."

I thought I was going to be sick.

Sure, my hopes at marrying James Potter were virtually done once I'd married Jack, but it hadn't been entirely possible, and Lily Evans could still be killed before she got the satisfaction of marrying well above herself.

But I was too late. I'd dragged my heels too long, waiting for the perfect opportunity, and now she was married to James Potter.

She was Lily Potter.

It just sounded wrong. Everything about it was wrong. He'd lost his mind.

At least Sirius had chosen a pureblood, even if they were a pair of blood traitors. Their child, at least, had a chance of being accepted into normal society if she could be attached and properly reeducated.

I smiled to myself, imagining my having a son, to court and marry Sirius's daughter. If he had no sons….

Well, no one wanted to talk about it, but by wizarding law, once Walburga died Sirius would inherit the Black family fortune, regardless of being kicked out of the family. They could have given it to Regulus, but now that he was gone…

What if Lily Evans got pregnant?

The thought hit me with a horrible weight in my stomach. I had decided to keep Amy off my list because of her pregnancy, because I did not want her child to be motherless. But what about any child Lily bore? Did I care if that child went motherless? Was there a difference somehow?

I hadn't ever thought of myself as particularly prejudiced about blood status. I had a few lingering prejudices, but who didn't? My dislike of Lily had never had much to do with her blood. It had to do with the way she talked to people, the way she looked at me, the way she got what I wanted when she didn't even want it.

But when I realized that I didn't care if her child went motherless, I began to wonder if maybe I hadn't been more prejudiced than I'd realized.

Was it because of the child's blood status, or because Amy and I had a history? Was it because I hated Lily more than anything in the world, or because I actually didn't have as much of a soft spot for orphaned children as I thought I did?

This would take some serious contemplation, but I might not have time for it.

"They're taking a honeymoon, I trust?" I said smoothly, stirring my tea.

He was allowed to come over to a guest, which kept us out of the prying eyes of the Order, should any of them start following him.

"Yeah, a short one," he chirped. "Couple of days. They're already back."

Already back from the honeymoon. How long before she stopped using contraception? They had the finances to have children, but the war was an unstable place. Perhaps Lily would be afraid of having children in such an environment.

It was unlikely, though, with Amy already close to bursting.

For one thing, James would want to have a child because Sirius would have a child, and if Lily and James ended up with a boy, they would each beg their wives for another child so that they could each have a boy and a girl. And they'd likely rack up quite a count of children just through trying to match if they couldn't manage it.

And I had this image of Lily desperately wanting children, lots of children, to dote on and homeschool before Hogwarts and teach the importance of rules. I smiled to myself, thinking of how James would undermine her in that particular wish.

"Very well," I sighed, stirring my tea still. "And Amy? When is she due?"

"I don't know the exact date," Peter admitted sheepishly. "I do know it's sometime next month, but…. Well, I don't know if it's supposed to be before or after the wedding. I can ask, though."

"Do," I ordered, lifting my tea and sipping it casually. I wasn't sure which way Amy would go about things. On the one hand, Amy having the baby before the wedding made some sense because she wouldn't be the size of a planet at her own wedding. "And try to be a bit more sober at the next wedding, Peter. I know it will be even more difficult for you, but at least be sober enough to remember things, if nothing else. Speaking of their wedding…how is the planning going?"

He shrugged.

He was privy to very little about the wedding planning, and not from the girls directly but when the boys discussed it later. It was bound to be distorted, but there had to be something in all of the muddle that I could use.

Peter had thought to bring the wedding invitation, which I looked at.

They were hand-done, obviously by Amy herself.

_Miss Amy Maria McAuley_

_and_

_Mr. Sirius Orion Black_

_request the honor of your presence_

_at their marriage_

"Interesting," I muttered. "They've issued it themselves. Which means her parents aren't hosting. I wonder if Mrs. Potter is paying the whole thing."

"She and Sirius are, but I think Amy's parents are paying some, for propriety."

I smiled slightly.

It was entirely likely that they would have put Mrs. Potter on it if they could do so gracefully, but the fact that Amy's parents were not listed made me think more that they were not supportive of her relationship with Sirius.

He knew they'd ordered a traditional cake, with four layers instead of three because Amy loved cake so much and was hoping there would be plenty left over. He also knew that they were having a more casual outdoor sort of reception with buffet style food.

Leave it to Peter to know all about the food, but nothing important like where she was getting her hair and makeup done, or what sort of shoes she was wearing.

"Peter's not giving a toast, which is really a wise decision on their part," I snorted. I was telling Jack about my discussion with Peter, both about what he remembered of the Potter wedding, and then what he knew about the upcoming union between Amy and Sirius.

"Who is giving toasts?" he asked, running his fingers lazily over my legs.

"James and Lily," I recited. "Probably Mrs. Potter. Since it's a small wedding, that's likely to be all. Remus might get a toast, but because Marlene isn't there…"

He nodded.

"There was an announcement in the _Prophet_, if you can believe it," he said slowly.

It seemed they really were making an effort to follow all of the protocol, strangely enough for a couple who were incredibly pregnant and living together since before they were engaged.

"That's odd," I said slowly, but Jack shook his head.

"I think he's taking every opportunity to poke at his mother. She's furious. I heard her and my mother discussing the announcement. That's the only reason I knew it was there. I don't waste my time reading such drivel."

I rolled my eyes, but said nothing. If they'd made an announcement, although it was a bit late for an announcement, that meant they were getting a Ministry license. It was possible that Walburga knew of a law that could block the wedding….

Except Amy was a pureblooded witch of excellent social standing. Oh, Jack was right. He was doing all of this just to aggravate his mother, and I had to admit to myself that it was brilliant.

"I suppose they're probably doing a rehearsal dinner," I said thoughtfully. "It would be at Potter Manor, of course. Lily and James will be there for certain. It's possible that her parents will be there, but I'm not even sure she's inviting them."

She would be picking up her wedding dress soon, if she was on schedule. They would be working out seating arrangements and doing all of those lovely last-minute preparations.

"Things do seem to be rocky between her and her parents, don't they?" Jack said thoughtfully, turning away. "Do you know about her sisters?"

"I know she and Natalie were always very close," I said, leaning back on the pillows. "It's possible that she's cut off with all the rest, but she'd not part with Natalie for anything. She'll be at the wedding, maybe even in the wedding."

If she were in the wedding, then Remus would be too. And they would both be at the rehearsal dinner.

"I think it would be easier to ambush them at the rehearsal than the wedding," Jack said thoughtfully, and I laughed.

"Both are impossible," I drawled. "There's nothing that can get through the protections on Potter Manor, and Dumbledore's going to be there, likely at both events. He's officiating."

"Hmm."

Jack got up, pacing a bit, looking out our window, then turning back to me.

"Pettigrew won't be at the rehearsal, so it might be difficult to work with, anyway."

I sat up slightly, frowning.

"Jack, what are you talking about?" I said. "Were you actually planning a raid on the wedding? Why?"

"Never you mind," he said harshly, his eyes flashing as he turned back to the window. "As I said, it won't work, anyway. Raiding any place Albus Dumbledore is at is a bad decision."

I could feel myself trembling slightly. I told myself that it was because I was concerned about the unborn child, but I really couldn't be sure.

He stood watching the window for a long time before he turned back to me.

"Are you coming to bed?" I asked.

"Not yet," Jack said, pulling on his dressing gown. "I have some business to take care of. I will be in my study and wish not to be disturbed."

I wasn't sure why he was bothering to tell me that. I was already undressed and in bed. What possible reason did I have for disturbing him?

I gave him a quick kiss before he left. Then I fell back onto the pillows, running over the conversation in my head. A raid on the wedding…. But what purpose could that possibly serve?

It occurred to me, as I turned over his words about his being in his study what he was really saying.

He was not to be disturbed, but he expected and seemed to almost encourage me to listen in. I smirked. It seemed Jack was an even better match than I had anticipated. We were of one mind in most things, and it didn't take much for him to go from telling me not to ask questions to hinting that I should listen in on his private conversations.

Because I knew what he had to be doing in his study. He was receiving a firecall from someone else in the Death Eaters.

Carefully, I climbed out of bed, adjusting my hair and putting on my own dressing gown. It was not nearly warm enough, but it would have to do, as I wasn't sure how much I would have already missed by not properly considering his words sooner.

I put on my slippers and slinked down the hall as quietly as possible, careful not to alert whomever he was meeting with. I slid to the floor, pressing my ear to the door.

And it was Lucius's voice I could hear speaking about how the Dark Lord would be disappointed.

"I know," Jack said. "But there's nothing I can do about it if Dumbledore's there, and it sounds pretty certain that he will be. We know he's officiating." He paused. "Vanessa seemed concerned when I talked about raids."

"How much are you telling her?" Lucius demanded. "Don't be a fool, Jack. She was friends with these people once, or some of them. She might think there is no affinity, but weaknesses might be things she does not recognize about herself."

"I told her nothing," Jack said coldly, and I clutched my dressing gown around me tightly. "I assure you, Lucius, she wants revenge on them. She is not concerned about their well-being."

"Yes, you told me," Lucius replied skeptically. "But she cannot know what she will do until she is in a situation where she has to find out."

"Well, none of that matters at the moment anyway," Jack said lazily.

Of course it didn't. If there was no raid, I couldn't betray anything. It was a bit annoying that Lucius thought so lowly of me, but I suppose he had to think of everyone that way. There was no being too careful when serving the Dark Lord.

"She doesn't know what he wants, right?"

"Of course, not, Lucius. She assumes he's attacking them."

My heart was pounding. What could he want if he _wasn't_ attacking them?

"Keep it that way, especially if she's hell-bent on revenge."

"I just can't figure it out, myself," Jack said softly. "I mean, I can see Potter and Black and even McAuley, the werewolf perhaps…. But Evans? Or rather, Mrs. James Potter now. She's a Mudblood. Why would he want to recruit her?"

Recruit?

Why indeed. It didn't add up. She was, after all, very powerful, but her blood status was completely undesirable for being a Death Eater.

"I don't pretend to understand half of what the Dark Lord asks of me, Jack, but I do it and I do it without question. As should you."

"I know that. I don't think he's going to be very successful, at least not where the Potters are concerned. I think the right appeal to Sirius could work, though."

"What do you mean?"

"Vanessa tells me he's completely dependent upon his beloved McAuley, and from what Peter tells us he's already besotted with the child they're expecting. Make some sort of appeal that involves their safety and he'll be in the palm of your hand."

My heart was pounding in my throat. Threatening the child? Certainly I didn't put such a move past the Dark Lord, but it still made me feel sick to my stomach.

"There are a few ways to approach that," Lucius said thoughtfully. "We could offer them protection, saying that there are no promises what might happen to them unless we assure Bellatrix has been told to keep her hands off and play nicely. We could also just threaten to kill them ourselves if he doesn't cooperate."

"I've always found a lighter touch to start with is better in delicate cases like this," Jacks said slowly. "Sirius is stubborn, and if we work our way up through negotiations it could work out in our favor. If we make big threats and then he proves more stubborn than we thought…. Well, it would be a shame to waste such pure blood, wouldn't it?"

I leaned closer to the door, licking my lips.

"Speaking of pureblooded children," Lucius said, and I nearly moved away when I sensed a change in topic, but then I heard my name. "Have you and Vanessa started trying to conceive yet?"

I shivered.

"We have," Jack said slowly, "in a casual way. I know we should be more diligent about it, but…I'd rather not make such efforts while my parents are in the manor. They're moving to a different property next month, but…."

Lucius snorted.

"Aren't they in a completely separate wing from you?"

"Yes, but…"

"No, Jack, you're being absurd. He is going to start asking soon, and you had better be making a sincere effort or he will punish you for lying at best."

I hugged my knees tightly.

It was bad enough that my husband's time was completely at the mercy of the Dark Lord. Now my womb and childbearing was at his mercy as well?

That was why he wanted Amy. Sure, she was good at magic, but more importantly she was a woman with very pure blood who was obviously fertile. Because it wasn't enough to simply destroy all of the watered down blood, but purebloods had to dominate the populace, to rule from a position of majority. The gene pool was already so wilted, I hated to think about what would happen once that occurred. There were already…adverse cases in my own living memory of cousins marrying cousins.

Then again, Sirius's parents were cousins, and he was pretty much the most perfect wizarding specimen of our era. He was gorgeous, talented, charming, and virtually a sex god.

So maybe it would just be hit or miss.

"I know," Jack sighed. "Well, I need to get back before Vanessa falls asleep if I'm to really work on breeding in earnest."

His voice was just a touch crass, but I knew that they were going to have to make a consideration for the Dark Lord's wishes, in spite of my discomfort with having him decide my life for me.

They said their goodnights and Jack came out into the corridor a moment later to find me looking up at him from the floor. He rolled his eyes.

"If you had any sense of subtlety, Vanessa, you would have been in bed and pretending to be asleep by the time I arrived."

I stood, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Perhaps," I said slowly. "But I don't see the point in wasting energy pretending when it's just us. Wouldn't you agree?"

He just looked at me, closing the door of his study.

We stared at each other for a long moment before he said, "I don't know why he wants them."

"I figured as much. It doesn't matter. He wants them. That's all we need to concern ourselves with." I paused. "You know, I think that it's possible that he won't get them. Especially Lily and James. There's not a chance there. But Sirius…. I suppose in the right way it's possible, but threatening Amy will not do anything but make him angry. You'd have to literally be holding a wand to her throat for that to work, Jack. And I don't think I would let you do it."

"It wouldn't be me," Jack said simply. "It would be Bellatrix. Let's go to bed."


	14. Brave, Bright, and Beautiful

**A/N: Sirius's POV, this chapter is dedicated to my guest reviewer who said that they've really enjoyed the Vanessa chapters. Sorry, this isn't a Vanessa chapter, but I hope you enjoy it just the same! NOBODY DIES! :D I have to say, this story has had a lot of weddings. If you haven't noticed, I HATE WRITING WEDDINGS, but I think I've done a pretty decent job bringing all the nuptial bliss to you guys.**

** -C**

The last-minute wedding arrangements were a headache.

Thankfully, there was nothing wrong with the dress when Amy and Lily picked it up and refitted it for her admittedly massive belly. We'd sat down and had a chat with the photographer Lily had introduced us to. We'd finalized our depressingly shrinking guest list and gave it to Mrs. Potter, who was basically running all of the technical day-of aspects.

"What are you doing?" I asked her about a week before the wedding, watching her pace uncomfortably in the low-heels Lily had brought her that morning.

"Breaking in my shoes," she sighed. "For the wedding."

"Should have gotten flats," I muttered, watching her glare at me. Maybe it wasn't helpful, but it was the truth.

"I've been going over welcome-basket ideas with Mrs. Potter," she said.

"What's that?"

She sighed.

"It's the thing they put in the room of all the guests staying overnight to thank them for coming. Like Natalie, for example, or Remus."

"Right," I said, admittedly not caring much about the welcome basket business. "What have you come up with, then?"

Apparently, they'd thought of everything under the sun. Tea tins, books of poems, crossword puzzles, chocolates, and wine.

"Your sister can't drink."

"We can give her butterbeer instead."

"Great, all sounds fine to me."

She rolled her eyes at me, but I honestly didn't care.

I did, however, care about the conversation she brought up two mornings before the wedding.

"We need to make sure we're packed for the honeymoon," she said over her tea. "And we need to make sure we bring those trunks with us to Potter Manor."

My ears perked up at "honeymoon" and she had my complete, undivided attention.

"Yes, dear?" I said, already picturing exactly how I was going to undress her when we were on the honeymoon.

"You've got our train tickets?"

"They're in the drawer in my study."

She came back a moment later with the tickets and the Muggle money she'd ordered me to get, just in case, and she tucked them into her purse.

"Hotel reservations?"

"I already put them in your purse, dear," I said proudly, knowing that I'd finally anticipated something in this complicated world of wedding planning. Sure, it was a small victory, but it was a victory nonetheless.

"Well, we obviously don't have to worry about contraception," she teased, patting her stomach. I laughed. She turned back to her list. "Do you have potions from Lily?"

"Already in my trunk."

"Toothbrushes, toothpaste," she rattled off. "Makeup – No, don't argue, Sirius – comb, camera?"

"Erm, do we even have a camera?" I said, looking around the kitchen and wondering.

"I've got one," she said. "I suppose I'll have to dig it out and pack it. Might have to make sure it works first. Book…"

"You won't need a book," I said, grinning, moving toward her and kissing the back of her neck. She tutted, annoyed.

"For the train."

"Not even for the train," I said. "You can bring one if you want, but I assure you, it's pointless."

She rolled her eyes.

"Sweater," she muttered. "Have you got a light jacket of some kind?"

"Somewhere?" I said with a laugh. "I don't know, love. You'll have to tell me."

"Sandals," she muttered, going over the list. "Most of this I've already put in the trunks, but…. Socks, shorts, jeans, I've packed a dress, shirts…. Do you want to pick out lingerie for me to bring, or do you care?"

At this I jumped into action, quickly running off to pick out some of her lingerie for the trip.

While I was deciding between black and blue, she was tossing things into the trunk. Shampoo, soap, deodorant, lotion, floss.

"Tweezers?" I asked, picking them up and playing with them. "What for?"

"Don't ask," she told me firmly. "Just be grateful for them."

"Yes, dear," I said, although I was a bit curious. It was the puppy in me. The puppy in me got even more excited when she tossed some vanilla massage oil in.

This was easily going to be the best part about the whole wedding.

"Sure this is enough?" I asked, picking up the bottle and looking it over. "Looks a bit small."

"We're only going to be gone for two days," she said, raising her eyebrows at me.

"Two days is a long time, love," I replied, putting it back in the trunk. "Now, if you don't start getting ready now, we're going to be late for the rehearsal dinner."

She gave a squeak of horror and rushed as quickly as she could at her size to ready herself for the rehearsal dinner.

I wished the baby would come soon. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with a very-pregnant Amy. In fact, I found her rather attractive and amusing that way. But I wanted to hold my daughter, and I knew that Amy was getting very aggravated with how uncomfortable and limiting pregnancy was for her.

We took our things with us to Potter Manor, because the stag night and hen do were right after the rehearsal dinner. Mrs. Potter set us up in our usual rooms, and she and Amy put together the baskets quickly before the guests arrived for the dinner.

I was grateful that it was a fairly casual affair. I greeted her parents briefly, was eagerly greeted by her sister, and we all settled in for dinner.

Her parents weren't happy about her living with me, or my getting her pregnant, or her marrying me – although I had a feeling that last bit was more because she was marrying me while gigantically pregnant instead of waiting until she'd delivered like a "respectable person" – and they kept glaring at me all through dinner, but I said nothing. I knew that once they got it out of their systems they would be respectably polite at the actual wedding, and that mattered more to me than how they actually felt about me.

Remus, James, and I went upstairs to prepare for the stag night and I gave Amy one last kiss and said, "See you in the morning, love. No cold feet, now."

She snorted.

"Sirius, I'm practically bursting pregnant with your child," she said. "If I'm going to get cold feet it'll be because our daughter has found a way to make them go numb in my sleep."

I laughed and allowed James to drag me away from her, off to where the alcohol was.

We had agreed, to James's reluctance, not to go out for this stag night. Sure, we had responsible party to keep an eye on us and make certain that we didn't do anything too stupid, but I didn't want to be too far from Amy for any reason. She was getting very close to her due date, and as she'd told me, a lot of first-time mothers delivered early. If she were to go into labor during the stag night, I wanted to be on hand for her. I was not missing the birth of my child for anything.

"All right," Remus said, stretching. "I brought firewhiskey. Let's get started, shall we?"

"Right," I said, pouring our first glasses. "To the most exquisite ball and chain in the world!"

Remus scowled, but he took a drink anyway.

"To the crankiest pregnant woman I've ever met," James said.

"That was one time, Prongs," I laughed. "And it was misfiring magic. She wasn't trying to scar your pretty face."

"Well, she damn well did a fantastic try," James grumbled, but we took a drink.

"To my very best friends and their child and happiness," Remus said softly, and James and I nodded, taking our third drink with him. I put down the glass and looked at the door.

A few drinks in I was still looking at the door and Remus said, "She's fine, Padfoot. She's not going into labor. She's going to have wholesome fun with Lily and Natalie, paint her nails, and think about you and how much she loves you. Stop worrying."

Easy for him to say. I'd been worrying since the day she'd told me she was pregnant, and I wasn't likely to stop even after the baby was born. It would just be transferred.

"Have you picked out a name yet?" James asked, pouring more drinks.

"Yeah," I said, smiling. "Amy did."

"What did you come up with?" Remus asked.

"Aludra Lyra," I sighed, lying back on the carpet. "Pretty, isn't it?"

"It's better than Amy's name," James said conversationally, and before I had a chance to even process my reaction, I sat up, furious, gripping his feet tightly. "Bloody hell, Padfoot, she didn't pick it herself!"

"I love Amy's name," I snarled. "There will be no dissing Amy's name. Are we clear?"

"Yup."

"Good."

"Can you let go of my feet now?"

I did so, lying back down again as Remus poured more drinks.

"Should we do Exploding Snap, then?"

"If I show up to my own wedding without eyebrows, forget about Amy, your wife would kill me, Prongs."

"Hmm," James agreed. "Well, there's a possibility you won't burn your eyebrows off."

"I'm officially vetoing all current and future pleas for Exploding Snap tonight," Remus said. "What about chess?"

"That's a two-person game, Moony," I snorted.

I was sober enough to know that.

"I meant more the two of you take on me, but maybe that's not fair to you two, even drunk."

He was smirking, smirking at me!

"Oh, it's on," I snarled. "Prongs, get the chess set. This skinny little werewolf is going to wish he'd never even mentioned chess."

Three and a half hours later, between the chess and the booze, I had forgotten what it was I was doing on a floor in Potter Manor.

"You're getting married tomorrow," Remus said kindly.

"Married?" I said excitedly. "To Amy?"

"No," James drawled. "To Peter."

I frowned.

"I…. Is it too late to get out of it?"

Remus snorted.

"Very funny, Prongs," he said. "No, Sirius, you're marrying Amy. I'd think she'd take a bit of offense to you marrying Peter when you got her pregnant."

I giggled.

"What?"

"You said pregnant."

"Yeah, so?"

"It's a funny word."

James sat up abruptly, eyes wide. His glasses had fallen off his face at some point in the night.

"Merlin, you're right, Pads! It is a funny word!"

"Pregnant," I said, considering it, giggling.

"Pregnaaant," James sang out, bursting out with laughter.

"Oh, bloody hell," Remus groaned, leaning back against the footboard of the bed. "You two get loopier every time I drink with you, I swear."

"Preeeeegnant," I hissed. "Haha, Moony, c'mon, y'should try it!"

"I don't really feel like impregnating someone would be a good idea, thanks," he replied coolly. This quieted us for quite some time, and I curled up on the bed, watching James pass out on the floor. I stared at the ceiling, thinking of Amy's beautiful green eyes.

"Moony?"

"Yeah."

"You're still in love with my girl, aren't you?"

He didn't say anything for a long time, but finally he sighed, "I suppose in a way I am. But not the way she would need, anyway. She needs you, Sirius. For one thing, I never could have given her a child. She's happy, expecting. Pregnant looks good on her."

I smiled at the ceiling.

It certainly did. That was the only reason I was really scared about having the child. I would lose that beautiful pregnant glow about her. I frowned.

"Am I going to be a shit father, Moony? I mean…my dad…"

Remus sighed.

"You're going to be a great father, Sirius. You can't compare yourself with your father. You've already proved that you're nothing like him, or your mother, or anyone else in your family. You take care of Amy well and you've already proved you love the child. What more is there?"

What more indeed.

Several minutes later, I was asleep and snoring.

Remus shook me awake the following morning, and I nearly punched him in the face. I apologized immediately and he said wryly, "I certainly hope you've never done that to Amy when she tries to wake you."

"I wake her," I groaned, rubbing my head.

"Drink this."

He pushed a vial into my hands and I downed it in one, feeling my hangover dissipate quickly as he began to wake James.

"Merlin," I sighed happily. "I'm getting married."

"Indeed, you are," Remus said. "Now hurry up and shower so we can get you read for her, okay?"

I saluted sloppily and hurried off to shower as ordered.

The shower was quick but thorough, and James hurried repacked all my toiletries as I changed, and when I tossed him my deodorant he tossed it in the trunk, too.

"Do something with your hair, Pads," he said, snickering. "It'll dry that way."

"Speak for yourself, Potter," I snarled, but I did as he said, combing my fingers through my hair quickly.

"Here, let me fix your tie," Remus said softly, and I put my hands to the sides as he adjusted the tie and smiled. "Dashing as always, Sirius. Amy will be blown away."

We were having the wedding outside, ceremony and all, not simply because the weather was beautiful and we wanted to take full advantage of the sunshine, but also because it was far simpler for Amy to walk a little way onto a lawn than to have her walk the length of the ballroom when she was so incredibly pregnant.

Remus had us whipped into shape much quicker than I had ever imagined possible and he had me standing beside Dumbledore, waiting for my bride.

"How do you feel, Sirius?" Dumbledore asked merrily.

"Like I want her to hurry up," I muttered. He just laughed slightly and gestured.

There she was, my beautiful Amy, coming down the aisle on her father's arm, green eyes shining, smiling at me.

My heart stopped for a brief moment.

She was about to be my wife.

When she reached the front and faced me, I tuned out everything else. Amy was smiling at me, standing right there, and I could think of nothing but how badly I wanted to kiss her.

I vaguely heard Dumbledore in my ear saying things he was supposed to say, and we said vows and things like that. When we were bonded for life I could feel a tingling in my chest, and the smile on Amy's face told me that she felt to too.

I was glad we'd agreed to do something low-key for the reception, because if we'd had something big like Lily and James I doubted I would have had enough time spent with Amy.

"Mrs. Amy Black," I murmured in her ear as I fed her some of our wedding cake. "How does that sound?"

She grinned up at me, taking the cake off the fork in a way that excited me even more than I already was, if possible. She swallowed the cake and said, "Sounds just about perfect, husband."

I shivered.

My eyes flickered down to her hand, the hand with the ring on it, which was resting on her pregnant belly. My Amy, my ring, my child….

This was, perhaps, the best decision I had ever made.

"How long do you want to stay here?" I asked, whispering to try to hide from any nosy guests the absolute eagerness in my voice, my desperation to start the honeymoon so I could get her alone, all to myself, somewhere I could ravish her.

"I want to say goodbye to my sister," she said softly. "Why don't you sneak out, gather our things, and I'll find you in about…twenty minutes?"

"Can't wait," I grinned, kissing her before she turned to find Natalie. I licked my lips and hurried off to get our things. I didn't want to get caught up watching her and lose our opportunity.

Everything was well-packed, and I had a feeling that their sober hen do was probably an opportunity to double-check all of the honeymoon packing, as Amy had done at Lily's wedding for the unconscious bride.

"There you are," Amy said, grinning as she walked into the room. "Are we ready to go?"

"Yeah," I said, smiling back. "Let's sneak out the back to meet our ride."

"Who's our ride?"

"Remus."

Remus drove us to the train station, hugged both of us and wished us a very happy honeymoon, and we took the train to Sussex, and I didn't think I'd ever been on a longer train ride in my life.

"Relax," Amy told me three times. "This is half the length of the Hogwarts trip."

Well, she was right about that, although I still didn't think it was soon enough when we arrived at our inn and were shown to our rooms. As soon as she closed the door I set to work undoing her dress, anxious to get it off her.

"Sirius," she laughed. "Sirius, I'm exhausted! Do we have to do this right away?"

"Don't tease, Amy," I whimpered, pressing my lips to her neck. "You know I've wanted you since you started walking down the aisle. Please, please, please."

"Foot massage and then I'll think about it," she sighed, stepping out of her dress, sitting on the bed, offering up her feet. I shivered.

"Well, if you'd just said that sooner I wouldn't have whined," I said, reverently taking her left foot in my hands, kissing it gently before proceeding to massage it, enjoying the moans of pleasure that came from her as she closed her eyes and soaked up the sensation.

"You're far too good at this," she sighed. "Mmm, Sirius, other foot now. I want to feel better as soon as possible so we can spend this trip having as much sex as possible."

I smiled to myself, switching feet as commanded, putting all my strength into the massage and thinking to myself that I must be the luckiest man in the world.


	15. A Child is Born

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to new follower, **_**Debsg**_**. Welcome to the family! :D**

** -C**

Sirius was growing increasingly impatient about the baby not arriving yet, and he hadn't left my side for anything short of Order meetings in weeks. My midwife said that if I didn't go into labor by the twentieth, she was going to induce me.

It was the nineteenth, late afternoon, and James had dragged Sirius to the Order meeting reluctantly. I vaguely thought of what to make for dinner, knowing that Lily and James were coming over. I'd just gotten off the sofa, deciding that I was going to make some steak, as I was craving it, when I felt a contraction.

This in and of itself wasn't so unusual. I ignored it, actually, because I'd had occasional contractions for about two weeks, ever since the due date. It was awful when it happened when Sirius was around, actually, because he always got so excited and then it turned out to be nothing.

But then I went into the kitchen and began to Summon steaks when I felt another contraction, one so powerful that I actually felt intense pressure in my back.

"Fuck," I hissed. "That's not…that's…. GAH!"

There was another one, and I gripped the counter as the pain and pressure in my back increased.

I knew what was happening. I'd read enough books on pregnancy that Lily had gotten me. My cervix was dilating, and from the feel of it, it was being quick about it. I wanted to push, but I knew I shouldn't. I gasped, sitting on a chair and trying to concentrate enough to know what to do. I fought the urge to push, but that took most of my concentration.

There was one thing I did know. From the way the first stage was progressing this was going to be a very quick labor, and if the meeting went as long as it was supposed to, Sirius was going to miss the birth of his child.

First things first, though, I had to get my midwife, so I sent her a Patronus message, gripping the table and waiting for her to arrive. She let herself in, rushing to get me into bed.

"Where is your husband?" she demanded.

"He's at a meeting," I whined. "I…I don't want…. Fuck! It hurts!"

"It's going to hurt more when you're fully dilated," she warned. "Are you sure you don't want to be medicated?"

Sirius and I had decided against it, but in that moment I was questioning my previous judgment.

"No, no," I insisted. "No, I want to have this girl without medication. Should…. Gah, should we get the Healer?"

"I'll get him," she said kindly. "Relax, I'll get him once you're all settled and I'm sure you can be left alone for long enough for me to properly fetch him. He's probably listening to the Quidditch match, knowing him."

She got some towels and put them on me, but in my frenzied, sweaty state I couldn't tell if they were hot or cold or somewhere in between.

"All right, dear, remember the breathing I taught you," the midwife told me as I cried out in pain again at another contraction. "That's right; breathe while I make sure there are no complications."

I nodded, breathing as directed and focusing on my breathing rather than the contractions.

"Good," she said in a calm voice. "Good. I'll go get your Healer now, Amy. Keep breathing, send a Patronus if there's any complication, and hopefully I'll be back soon. Do you want me to fetch your husband as well?"

If I'd been well enough to snort, I would have. She couldn't have found him if she'd tried. Even I didn't know where the Order met, and for good reason.

"No, no, he'll be back soon," I lied, trying to think of a way to get to my wand, which she had put on the table. I wasn't feeling well enough to shift and get it when she left. "Just go. Go!"

She nodded, checking one last time that everything was set before leaving me.

The second she was gone I tried to scoot over and get a bit closer to the wand, but it wasn't easy. Between my lack of maneuverability and my pain, I was growing increasingly frustrated.

I had almost humored him, almost agreed to fight James on this particular day and let him stay with me. But then he started whining and I couldn't stand listening to it, so I agreed with James that he should go. I was thoroughly regretting my decision as I tried to stretch my fingers out to my wand.

"Bloody fucking hell!" I shrieked as another contraction occurred. I'd be fully dilated soon, and I needed Sirius. I fought the urge to push, continued my breathing exercises, and began to cry. I wanted Sirius and I couldn't reach my wand and all I wanted was for this to be over, baby or no baby.

I gritted my teeth, ignoring my breathing exercises long enough to get my wand, and it took a bit of stretching but finally it was in my fingers. I'd lost one of my towels, but my midwife would fix that when she got back. I needed Sirius.

Another contraction hit me and I shrieked again, forcing myself not to push in spite of the strong desire to do so. I waited for the pain to go down again before focusing on my Patronus.

It took a few tries, but I finally sent the message off to Sirius that I was in labor, and I tossed my wand back onto the bedside table, shaking and shrieking and generally wanting to die.

My midwife came back with the Healer, adjusting my towels while he checked my cervix.

"Nearly there," he said kindly. "You're at about nine centimeters. When is your husband coming home?"

"Any time now," I gasped as another contraction hit me.

I was still crying. I wanted Sirius. I wanted him to hold my hand like he promised.

Just as I'd started to actually sob, I heard Sirius rush into the room, James behind him, followed by Lily and Remus.

"Oh, Merlin, Amy," Sirius sobbed, rushing to my side, instantly taking my hand. Another contraction hit me and I cried out and he made a sharp hissing sound as he sucked in a breath.

"I'll make tea," Lily murmured, ushering the others out of the room, leaving me alone with Sirius, my midwife, and my Healer.

"Nearly there, Amy," the midwife said comfortingly. "You're doing very well."

"How long has she been like this?" Sirius asked over me.

"From what I could tell, she's been in labor about an hour," the midwife said softly. "She's going to have a very quick labor, I think. Only a few hours."

"A few _hours_?" Sirius cried. "But look at her! She's in agony!"

"She's going to start pushing now," the Healer said, obviously not listening to their conversation. "Amy, I need you to push."

I did as directed, pushing, squeezing Sirius's hand. He was saying comforting things as I cried out. The pushing actually made the contractions feel less painful. I was glad I didn't have to fight against my natural inclinations anymore.

It was still agony, though. I wished that I could have changed my mind about medicating, but it was too late.

"Baby is coming down headfirst," the midwife told the Healer, holding her wand of my abdomen as I pushed.

"Is that good?" Sirius asked.

"That's exactly what we want," the Healer assured him. "Basically, the contractions and pushing are going to get your daughter through the birth canal. I can't imagine it's especially comfortable, but she's designed for it. Everything's fine so far. Nothing to worry about."

"Is it too late to give her something for pain?" Sirius asked.

"No," I snarled, feeling myself suddenly committed to my previous decision. "We decided on this ages ago, Sirius, I'm not going to take any medication!"

I squeezed his hand as I pushed on the Healer's order and Sirius kissed my forehead, assuring me that he would not mention it again, telling me that I was doing so well, begging me to be okay.

As if I had any control over that last bit.

"All right, it's all right," the midwife said. "Almost there. Almost there."

I wasn't at all sure how much time had passed, and I'd nearly lost my voice for all the screaming.

"Okay, Amy, she's crowning," the Healer said. "The head's coming out."

I was vaguely aware of his wand at the opening as my daughter was coming out. I'd read in the books that he was suctioning the amniotic fluid, blood, and mucus so that she didn't inhale or ingest any of it.

"Keep pushing," he ordered. "Come on, Amy. Shoulders are the worst bit, but they're coming."

I shrieked as I could feel my baby's shoulders trying to get through the opening that had been stretched further than I could have possibly imagined.

"It's okay, love," Sirius whimpered. "It's nearly there. C'mon, love, nearly there."

I pushed again with another agonizing shriek.

"Good!" the midwife said happily. "Very good! The shoulders are out! Come on, now, here we go!"

About six pushes later my daughter was born.

The Healer clamped and cut the umbilical cord as the midwife cleaned off my baby and soothed her as she cried. I fell back on the pillows, exhausted, and Sirius continued to clasp my hand, although the strength to grip back had left me entirely.

"Good, the placenta is out," the Healer said happily. "Let me just check you and the baby for anything else, and then my work here is done!"

We were both fine, thank Merlin, and the Healer left. The midwife handed me my little girl wrapped in a soft, pink blanket.

"Hello, Aludra," I whispered, kissing her tiny forehead.

She had calmed down by this point and was fascinated with me.

"Oh, she's so tiny," Sirius said softly. "Oh, look at her, Amy. That's ours! She's our little girl."

"I think James and Remus are taking bets on who she's going to look like," I laughed, kissing her forehead again.

"They already did."

The midwife looked through our nursery, said she'd be by in the morning to make sure we were set, and instructed me on breastfeeding. She then left us alone with our little girl once we'd signed the certificate of her birth for Ministry records.

"Oh, Sirius, she's so beautiful," I sighed, lying back on the pillows as he took her.

"Shall we show her off?" he asked, hugging her firmly, but not tightly. "Or do you want a little bit more time alone?"

"A little while longer, I think," I sighed, touching his arm. "Sirius I'm sorry about interrupting the meeting, but…"

"What?" he asked, confused for a moment. Then it hit him, what I'd said. "No, Amy, you did the right thing. I'd like to think, in the future, that if something were to happen and you needed me, something happening to you or Aludra, that you would do the very same, no matter where I was or what was happening. All right?"

"Right," I sighed, but I could think of a few times I might not let him know right away. I reached up weakly for my daughter and he sat beside me on the bed, placing her gently in my arms. "She's so beautiful."

"One of the two most beautiful girls in the world," Sirius sighed, kissing my cheek. "I have to admit, I don't know who's more beautiful."

"At the moment, her I should think," I said with a weak laugh. "I'm all sweaty and disgusting. As soon as Lily and James and Remus are gone, can you help me go take a bath?"

"Of course, love," he said with a wink. "It would be my pleasure. Your body probably feels really different, doesn't it?"

"Not feeling anything at the moment," I said dully. "I'll let you know when I do."

"Should I go get them, then, so you can get to your bath sooner?" he asked. I nodded.

He got up and went out into the kitchen. I kissed Aludra's forehead and whispered, "Your daddy is very silly, my love. But I expect he'll prove that soon enough." She cooed and I sighed. "So beautiful, and all mine."

I smiled to myself and was glad I did, because at that moment Sirius led our guests into the room.

"Hi," I rasped. "Sorry, I've been screaming a lot."

"We'd noticed," James teased. "Is this the mini-Marauder?"

"I don't know, James," I said. "Do you see another baby in the room?"

They laughed, but I was too tired to properly appreciate my own sarcasm. They crowded around my bed and Lily began to coo excitedly at Aludra.

"Oh, she's gorgeous," she sighed. "Aludra Lyda Black. Oh, she's so beautiful, Amy."

"She did a great job," Sirius said, lifting my fingers on my free arm to his lips. "As she always does."

I rolled my eyes.

Who would have thought that a year and a handful of months ago we had only just gotten together after months of stupidity?

"Lily, I want one," James pouted, looking at Aludra as she turned her head toward him, staring at him like she expected him to do something spectacular. If pouting was spectacular, he'd succeeded. Otherwise, he'd failed miserably. Aludra didn't seem impressed, either.

"Not anytime soon," Lily chided, although she accepted Aludra when I passed her, and her face lit up. "Oh, Amy, she's just so beautiful!"

Remus laughed.

"I reckon that's all you'll be hearing for the next few days, Amy. I have to confess, she is absolutely gorgeous. But then, I don't know much about babies, so maybe I shouldn't judge."

"If I had strength, I'd slap you," I muttered, and Sirius slapped him on my behalf. "It's nice to have such a loyal husband," I sighed, smiling at him. "So was I really that loud?"

"I thought you were dying," James admitted. "Lily assured you weren't, but I didn't believe her until the Healer came out and said you'd done it."

"He didn't," Lily affirmed. "He was pacing like a madman. He kept saying that he couldn't imagine what Sirius would be like if you died in there."

"Really sensitive, Prongs," Sirius snorted. "I would like to think that if something happened to Amy you'd be thinking of more than just my reaction to it."

Lily made me tell the story of my labor from the very beginning because she'd missed basically all of it, and she was incredibly curious. Sirius backed her up, having missed the beginning, and so as I fed Aludra for the first time (with James and Remus averting their eyes on Sirius's insistence), I told my friends about my contractions and the rest of the story from there.

"Oh, Merlin," Lily said with a laugh. "I'm sorry, I know it's not funny, but I'm just picturing you trying to get to your wand."

"I'm sure it would have been really funny to watch," I conceded. "As it was, I wasn't feeling the humor of it in that moment. I was a bit preoccupied."

"Bit stupid of our midwife, though, wasn't it?" Sirius snorted. "Telling you to send her a Patronus if something went wrong and then putting your wand out of reach. What if something had actually gone wrong?"

I groaned.

"Can we not think about all of the terrible possibilities of such a scenario? I just want to enjoy our baby."

"She's asleep," Remus said, smiling as we all turned to look at Aludra, who was sleeping soundly in Lily's arms.

"I take it this is our cue to leave so you two can do whatever it is you want to do," James whispered, grinning. "And I can set about convincing Lily that we need one, too."

Lily just shook her head, handing Aludra off to her father, who carefully carried her off to the nursery.

"Thanks for coming, all of you," I muttered, smiling at them. "It's been a long day, obviously, but I'm glad you were all here to share it with me."

"You would have had a time trying to keep us away," Lily teased. She leaned over and kissed my sweaty forehead and said, "Let me know if you need anything, like someone to teach Sirius how to be a human being while you take care of your daughter."

"I heard that," Sirius said with a bark of laughter as he came back in. "Really, though, you'll be first on our list if we need anything. In fact, we were rather hoping you and James would be her godparents."

"I thought that was sort of a given," James said with a laugh.

Lily, on the other hand, was obviously thrilled and touched by this request, and tears sprang up in her brilliant green eyes.

"Oh, you two, we'd be so honored!" Lily said happily. "Oh, I can't wait to spoil her!"

Remus just laughed at Lily's being overcome, but he clapped James on the shoulder and said, "Congratulations, godfather. You two will do a great job."

Sirius and I had debated for some time as to who we would name as godparents. We'd considered everyone from Remus and my sister to Mrs. Potter and Dumbledore, but in the end only Lily and James really made much sense. Natalie was too young, Mrs. Potter quite old, Remus a werewolf, and Professor Dumbledore already had enough things to worry about without a young child to think of all the time.

"Right," James finally said. "It's time we left the new parents alone! Have fun, but not too much, and we'll drop by sometime tomorrow night, okay? Just to see how you are."

"And bring presents," Lily said happily.

We said our goodnights, but Sirius sat on the edge of the bed for a moment while I tried to sit up. He grinned at me and I smiled tiredly back.

We were parents. Really, officially parents.


	16. Crashing Down

**A/N: Vanessa's POV, this chapter is dedicated to reader/reviewer **_**sarahmichellegellarfan1**_**. I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I'm making good progress on writing part three, btw. I've nearly finished the third book's material.**

** -C**

We were having a typical dinner party, Jack talking with his friends, me attempting to charm the guests' wives. Narcissa and I grew closer and closer every time we met, and we were standing near where Jack's circle was, sipping wine.

"How are you taking it?" Narcissa said softly.

I arched an eyebrow.

"Taking what?"

Her eyes widened slightly. She really had thought I would know whatever it was.

"Sirius and his wife have had their child," she said softly. "Lucius said the Death Eaters were discussing it the other day."

I frowned.

That was the sort of thing Peter should have told me. I was just about to wonder why he hadn't said when Jack and Lucius moved closer to us and Jack repeated what Narcissa had announced.

"I've asked Peter about it," Jack said in a low voice. "He's been on an Order mission. He's only just returned. He didn't know until an hour before I learned."

I nodded, looking around the room.

It was strange to think of Amy married, even stranger to think of her pregnant, but I tried to imagine what her child with Sirius would look like and it seemed impossible.

"Boy or girl?" I asked lazily. I could no longer remember.

"Girl," Narcissa said, smiling a little. "I know it's a bit silly of me, especially because Sirius is no longer part of the family, but I'm pleased…. And the child is a pureblood, after all."

"She has attractive parents," Jack replied reasonably, looking at his wine instead of me. My stomach turned to hear him talk about Sirius and Amy like that. "No doubt she will have excellent options, when the time comes."

I knew better. Her parents would not put her up for suitors to consider, and if they had their way she'd be married to some Muggle, or worse, a half-breed.

"Andromeda gave Narcissa a picture," Lucius said stiffly, "on the condition that we keep it from Bellatrix, of course. She is already a charming child."

I wanted to throw something, not stand there, listening to my set talking about how adorable and charming Amy's child was.

"I brought it, actually," Narcissa said, glancing around. "Did Bella leave?"

"Yes," Jack said, smirking.

If I had a child, I wouldn't want Bellatrix knowing either, but at least my child wouldn't be related to her. Well, no more than any other pureblooded child. I wouldn't put it past Bellatrix to murder Amy and Sirius to raise and twist the child to her own purposes.

"They named her Aludra," Narcissa said, pulling a small photograph out of her purse and handing it to me. Jack looked over my shoulder.

The baby was grinning, hair not dark enough to be like Sirius's, eyes already the same shade of green as her mother. She was going to look just like Amy someday, and I already knew that Sirius was going to spoil her rotten and be harshly overprotective, just as he had been with Amy from the very beginning.

"If you have a son," Lucius said with a smirk, "they could marry."

I shivered slightly and Jack put his hand on my shoulder to remind me not to say anything rash.

We'd been trying to get me pregnant for some time, to no avail. But that was not what I was upset about. I didn't want my child to marry Amy McAuley's daughter. I didn't want Amy McAuley to have a daughter.

In spite of my own relative success, Amy still had everything I wanted without trying. Even with Sirius being disowned, he'd gotten an annuity from his uncle and rumor had it he had a small one in Mr. Potter's will as well. Sirius Black was still the most eligible bachelor in Wizarding Britain before marrying Amy, and was still the most eligible bachelor in Wizarding Britain before marrying Amy, and with Regulus dead he was set to inherit everything when his mother died, anyway. He was the last surviving male heir, and if he had a son with Amy….

The line would be sealed in their blood traitor family.

I raised my eyebrows when I realized what Lucius was suggesting.

If one of us had a son, Narcissa or myself, and the Blacks were killed before they could, Bellatrix could take possession of the girl, or Narcissa if we were careful about it, and she would marry into either the Malfoy or Avery line, bringing the Black fortune with her.

It wasn't my favorite sort of plan. It really wasn't much of a plan at all until one of us had a son, but either way I wasn't particularly fond of the idea of orphaning a child.

Even Amy's child.

Maybe especially Amy's child. In spite of how things ended with us, we had spent so many years as friends that it was hard to wish her dead.

"One thing at a time, Lucius," I said as passively as I could manage, pressing my wine to my lips as I handed the photo to Jack. He took it, looking at it more closely.

"Merlin," he snorted. "If you watch at the right time you can see her parents playing footsy in the background."

I felt sick to my stomach, but Lucius just laughed and Narcissa sighed.

"Well, you know Sirius," she said. "No sense of propriety. He probably thought Andromeda would find it amusing."

"She has nice feet," Jack said as though commenting on the weather.

Any affection I had gathered for my husband throughout our time being married to each other went out in that moment and for the rest of the night I couldn't have been bothered if someone had killed Amy Black.

I wanted to kill her myself, not with magic, but with my bare hands.

Jack and I said nothing about Aludra Black after the Malfoys had left for the night, but he knew I was upset with him. I wasn't sure if he'd done it on purpose to get that result or if he hadn't thought about my feelings.

Either way, I was barely resisting the urge to claw his eyes out.

I met with Peter two days later for tea in my greenhouse, my own private section of the garden where no one was allowed without my invitation. I put up the wards as soon as he sat down and the poured tea.

"Jack said you saw a picture of her," Peter squeaked.

"The child?" I sneered. "Oh, yes. She'll look like her mother, no doubt."

"Yes," Peter said thoughtfully, fidgeting while I mixed in his sugar and cream. "Remus and Sirius are already devoted to her."

I snorted as I passed him his tea and turned to pouring and preparing my own.

Of course, how could they not be, what with Remus still being a little bit in love with Amy? From what he'd confessed to Peter, if anything ever happened to Sirius, he'd forget his guilt quickly and try to step in and have Amy for himself.

I didn't understand it. Amy was attractive, of course, but she was not me. She wasn't even as pretty as Lily Evans – Potter, but at least Amy did have superior breeding.

Still, she was not what I would have qualified as attractive enough to have so many men obsessing over her, especially not Sirius Black. And now my husband was starting to think her attractive. I shivered as I thought of what Death Eaters did. He didn't tell me everything, but I knew that it hardened them, and that it wouldn't be too long before I would no longer know whether or not he was the sort of man who would rape Amy if he killed Sirius, or even if he would rape and then kill her, or rape her and torture her, or….

I suppressed a shudder and forced a smile at Peter.

"So Jack tells me you missed the birth," I said sympathetically.

"D'you think they were in the room?" he asked softly. "D'you think Remus saw…?"

I wanted to roll my eyes at how ridiculous he was, but I tried to be understanding instead, at least on the surface.

"I doubt Amy would have wanted them there," I said slowly. "And I honestly don't think that Sirius would have let Remus in the room while she was in labor, especially if he even suspects that Remus has a crush on her still."

Peter looked thoughtful, but I couldn't see why he cared about Remus being there for the labor, anyway. I'd been present when one of my cousin's was born, and it was not sexual. You can't even think of sex when the woman's screaming like she's going to die and her stomach is the size of a planet. And then there's the baby coming out….

It's just wrong.

"He doesn't let anyone be there when she's breast-feeding," Peter said, a bit petulantly. "Not even Lily. Amy says she doesn't mind, but…"

Of course she didn't mind. It was just breast-feeding. Not that I would ever do something so sordid (who knows what a child would do to my breasts?), but it didn't surprise me that Amy did it, and I knew that avant-garde people like her even sometimes did it in public.

Sirius would likely never let her display her breast in public for any reason, and if he could figure out a way that he could breast-feed their child in her place to keep from making it an issue, he no doubt would do it without even considering.

I stifled a giggle at the thought, but then my stomach turned and the tea tasted sour in my mouth.

Jack would never do a thing like that for me, even though I didn't want him to. It was silly, really because I had thought most of my life that I had outgrown all the silly expectations of love and romance, that I was ready for a proper wizarding marriage and would have no regrets as long as I married decently.

But I was lying to myself, apparently, because the thought that Amy was loved so deeply and I didn't know if I was even loved at all made me more jealous than I wanted to admit even to myself.

"Does the child complicate our plans for you?" I asked him, putting down my tea. I didn't want it anymore, anyway. There was only one thing that could satisfy me, and it seemed that if I wanted it done my way, now, I would need Peter to be at my command. "Do you still want revenge, or have you decided not to tamper with their precious little family?"

Peter raised his eyebrow in a way that told me he'd both been around purebloods too much and not enough.

"Of course I still want revenge," he squeaked. "You know, Sirius still hasn't let me hold the child."

I couldn't blame Sirius on that one. If I had a baby, I wouldn't want Peter Pettigrew touching it, either. I could just picture him dropping a baby.

"That's rude of him," I sighed. "Have you tried going round when he's not there?"

"He's always there," Peter lamented. "And when he's not, I'm with him. There hasn't been any sort of chance for me to be around her without him. Maybe someday, when he gets a mission I don't get assigned to, but until then…"

"Then we will figure out something," I said sharply, setting down my tea with purpose. "As long as we're agreed that this is what we need to do, then I think there's no point not planning for that day, when it comes, when we have an opportunity."

Peter frowned, scratching his chin.

"Will we hurt the child?"

"No," I said slowly, feeling a stab of panic when he said the words.

I could never hurt a child.

"Good," Peter said with a sigh of relief. "I don't think I could do that."

Maybe Aludra Black would be married to a pureblood one day after all.

I went to my room that night with a lot on my mind, and I found Jack going through my old albums, the ones I kept to remind me what life was like when I was at Hogwarts, just in case I ever got so deep into my current life that I forgot. I shivered at the intensity with which he looked at the pages.

"Get in bed," he said darkly.

"Jack," I said slowly, but he put down the album, swallowed, and gave me his most dangerous look.

"Get in bed," he ordered.

I peeled off my clothes and did as I was bid. I didn't know what was going through his head, but I knew better than to argue with that tone of voice.

"Did your father have brothers?" he asked, running his fingers along my legs.

"Yes," I whispered. "Two."

He was thinking of Lucius's offer, of marrying off our son to Aludra Black after killing her parents. I shivered, wondering who would raise the child. It wouldn't be me, that was certain. Because once she was no longer a child, I would want her dead, and I didn't trust myself raising someone and wanting them dead.

"Good," he muttered, pulling off his briefs, which were all he had left on. He was already hard.

I shivered.

Was it Amy's legs he'd been looking at in those photos, or mine?

I closed my eyes as he kissed me, not wanting to think about how he was forcing my legs apart, the way he was kneading my breasts…

Jack Avery was my husband. It didn't matter if I loved him, or if he loved me, or even if he wanted someone else. He had to get me pregnant if we were going to continue his line.

And that was, after all, what people married for, wasn't it?

I kept my eyes closed as Jack thrust into me.

There wasn't an ounce of tenderness in the way he touched me. He was determined. He wanted a son. I knew he would want one sooner or later, anyway. It was his job, as the heir to the Avery line, to produce a son. Sooner or later he would expect it of me, and we'd already sort of started trying.

What I hadn't expected was for the birth of Amy's daughter to inspire such intent in him.

The sex was clinical at best. I had long since given up on the idea that he would care very much about my pleasure, but this time it was hard for me to think of my own pleasure, either. There were moments of it where I was simply trying not to cry.

He fell asleep on top of me, not crushing me exactly, but making it difficult for me to cry without waking him, so I choked back my tears, desperately trying to compose myself.

He wouldn't care if he did catch me crying. He would tell me I was being foolish.

Was I being foolish? I knew what I was getting when I married Jack, just as I knew there were risks in dating Sirius to get to James. I never made a move without calculating the risks. Of course, I had hoped that Amy wouldn't side against me so easily, but perhaps I should have known better. I had always underestimated Amy, never paid her the attention she obviously deserved. She'd never really been a threat, it was just easier letting her antagonize Lily Evans so I didn't have to. And there had been a time when Amy and I had actually been friends.

I opened my eyes and glanced over at the pictures. Were they pictures of me? Were they pictures of my friends? Why did it matter if my husband thought she was pretty? She was married to someone else, and I was married to Jack. It wasn't as if Jack and I had ever been in love, anyway.

But what if he fell in love with someone else?

I knew there was a possibility of such a thing. I knew how many pureblooded men had mistresses, lovers, even prostitutes they saw regularly. To expect him to be faithful to me would be naïve at best, foolish at worst. I did not want to be either of those things. I needed to prepare myself for the expectation that he would know at least one other woman in our time together, and as long as he was discrete about it and did not make a fool of me, I would be understanding, accommodating even, no matter how I actually felt about the matter. He could not expect me to give up my pride because he had urges, and I could not expect him to give up his urges for my pride.

I closed my eyes again, wondering if he would take a mistress so soon into our marriage. Perhaps when I got pregnant, it wouldn't bother me so much. Purebloods were often difficult about having sex while the woman is pregnant. Even though modern Healers said it was perfectly safe if precautions were taken, the stigma was still there. That was when most affairs happened, in cases where the wife wasn't hideous to start with. And I knew I wasn't hideous.

If he could stay faithful until I got pregnant, I wouldn't mind so much. I repeated it in my head like a mantra.

But then I opened my eyes again, glancing at the album and I realized that if he waited and then went off and found a way to have sex with Amy McAuley (Black, whatever her name was), I would never forgive him. It wasn't because she was my friend. I didn't have friends anymore.

No, it was the fact that he knew how much I despised her, how much I admittedly envied her, and it was a blow to my self-esteem that he would not only compliment her in front of me but allude to the fact that he might sleep with her.

I would never forgive him.


	17. Princess

**A/N: Sirius's POV, this chapter is also dedicated to my incredibly faithful reader/reviewer **_**saramichellegellarfan1**_**. Thanks for your faithful reading! I really do enjoy reading every review; they brighten my day!**

** -C**

I had expected fatherhood to be terrifying, but I was actually enjoying it immensely. Aludra was a fairly easy child, which Amy was thankful for, and even at two months she was delighted by me constantly.

It was nice to have someone who was constantly delighted by me, especially as work in the Order was so depressing and difficult and dark. I loved Amy, I needed Amy. Amy was my rock, but Aludra was the light of my life.

Amy accused me of spoiling our daughter rotten, and I had to admit that she was probably very right about that. But how could I not? She was perfect, her tiny little hands always curling around my fingers, gripping at my shirt or hair. She was already looking like her mother more every day, and she'd grown so big, so strong.

Just thinking of how small she had been when she was born brought tears to my eyes as I watched her puzzle over the doll I had handed her.

"You bought her another one?" Amy said with a laugh.

Of course I bought her another one. She hadn't had a blonde one yet, and I'd seen the prettiest doll on my way through the shopping.

"But she likes it," I said, pouting slightly at my beautiful wife as she watched our daughter grip the doll's hair. "If she were old enough, she would have named it by now."

"She has," Amy said with an amused smile as Aludra began to gurgle happily at the doll.

Aludra was a strange and wonderful thing to me. She couldn't really roll onto her stomach yet, but she could roll onto her back, and if we put her on her stomach she could lift her own head and push herself up with her arms. If I put her in a sitting position, she could lean on her hands, but otherwise she couldn't really sit without my support, and she couldn't stand unless I helped her.

Well, Amy supported her sometimes, too, but I didn't let her very often. This was my child, and I wanted to be the one supporting her every bit of the way.

She began to recognize my voice, and I knew it because when she cried and I would speak to her, she would begin to calm instantly, before I'd even picked her up. She was always interested when we introduced her to a new Order member, and would stop everything when she heard a new voice.

"Did my clever girl name her doll?" I said, scooping both child and doll onto my lap, and Aludra giggled happily.

Her bright green eyes looked just like her mother and she smiled at me.

I had known I was in big trouble when Aludra first smiled at me, because every bit of me literally melted and I began to think of ways to make her look at me like that again. She was just the most beautiful thing….

"Sirius?" Amy said gently, sitting beside me and petting Aludra's head. "Don't you have a meeting to get ready for?"

"Yeah," I sighed, pouting and kissing Aludra's cheek as she grasped the doll's hair. "But I don't want to go. Can I call in sick?"

"You did that last time," Amy teased kissing the back of my neck. "I reckon she won't be offended if you leave for an hour or two. And you said it was supposed to be important. You heard Caradoc."

"I know," I whined, already regretting letting her kiss me like that.

The other thing about having a small child was that our sex life was sporadic at best. Amy didn't want to have sex while Aludra was awake, for obvious reasons, and she was nervous about it when Aludra was asleep, because what if we woke the baby? Silencing charms wouldn't do because we wouldn't hear her if she cried.

And so I settled for getting each other off in the shower most of the time. It was good, it was nice, and the occasional quickie right after we put Aludra down to sleep was even better, but it was never enough, and I found that my usual burning for my wife was raging constantly under the surface, just waiting for her to do something innocent that would make me snap.

"Fine," I sighed, not wanting to snap and try to seduce my wife in front of our innocent young daughter. "You take our princess, then, and I'll go shave."

"It's amazing she doesn't mind your stubble," Amy teased as she took Aludra, who looked confused to be transferred over to her mother, but she did not cry as she had done while she was younger.

"You don't mind my stubble," I said. "It's Lily who minds."

I could hear Amy laughing as I stood in front of the mirror, smiling as I smoothed shaving cream over my face.

"Have you been kissing Lily? Is that what you do at these meetings?"

I laughed, waiting for my laughter to steady before bringing the razor to my face, carefully shaving off my stubble.

There was no need to respond to the joking accusation. I would have to lose my mind before I even thought of kissing Lily. Sure, she was pretty, but not only was she my best friend's wife, but she was my wife's best friend, and a bit bossy for my tastes. As I had told my friends many times, I didn't date prefects.

As soon as I'd finished shaving I rushed out to kiss both of my girls goodbye, pulled on a jacket, and took the bike to the meeting.

Amy had been furious when I bought the motorbike, but I swore that neither she nor Aludra would ever have to ride it, and she saw how happy it made me and she capitulated. I landed at the safe house designated for the meeting and parked the bike, hiding it from passersby, and letting myself in with the code.

I sat down at the meeting between James and Remus, and they were both looking a bit pale.

"How's Aludra?" Remus asked softly.

"Missing her Uncle Remus," I teased. It was true, that after perhaps Amy and me, that Remus was easily Aludra's favorite person. She was far more excited to see him than she was with any of our other friends, and thankfully no one took it personally. Amy suspected it was because his body temperature was warmer and his heartbeat was louder and it reminded her of the womb.

I thought that was a bit creepy, and cautioned her not to tell Remus her suspicions. Maybe Remus would be pleased that his "condition" had a positive side, but it would likely also remind him that he couldn't have children of his own to delight with this particular upside.

"And Amy?" Lily asked. "Is she getting enough sleep? She was looking a bit peaky when I last dropped by…"

"She's sleeping fine," I said with a sigh. "I'm making her sleep. She says that I need more sleep than her, but I agree, she was looking awful and I've insisted. As long as Aludra doesn't need feeding, I can do everything she does."

There was terse laughter, and I was really getting concerned about what was going to be told to us at this meeting.

There was obviously a death. Caradoc wouldn't have said the things he said to tell me to come if there hadn't been someone who died, and after Marlene's death nobody was really particularly comfortable thinking about who it might be.

At least I knew it wasn't Caradoc or a Marauder, or…

Wait, where was Peter?

Just then, Peter walked through the door with Doge and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Dumbledore then cleared his throat and said, "Now that we are assembled it is with great regret that I inform you that Dorcas Meadowes is no longer with us."

I gripped the arms of my chair anxiously.

Dorcas had been one of the most spectacular people I had ever met. Just the week before she'd killed four Death Eaters single-handedly and saved my life. The idea that she could be dead was just unfathomable.

"What happened?" Lily asked softly.

I wasn't sure I wanted to know, but I had to know if I was going to be effective in this war, in keeping Amy and Aludra safe.

"From what we know from eyewitnesses and a little bit of connecting dots," Dumbledore said in his measured way, "we suspect that she was caught in a particularly tight spot on her most recent solo mission, and when the Death Eaters knew it was her they had, they called Voldemort and he came to kill her personally."

Lily gasped.

I felt sick to my stomach. That would explain why Dorcas had been killed. I couldn't possibly imagine her being killed by anyone less than Voldemort himself, except for perhaps Bellatrix on one of her particularly lethal days. But to be targeted so specifically….

I shivered slightly. What sort of danger was I putting myself in by distinguishing myself, by doing my job well? What sort of danger was I putting my family in? I didn't even have to close my eyes to draw Aludra's beautiful little smiling face to the forefront of my mind. She consumed my thoughts most of the time, when I wasn't thinking of her mother. Being pureblooded wouldn't protect them, not with their blood traitor connections. And Bellatrix in particular would love to use them to hurt me.

I looked across the table at Caradoc and he just looked at me darkly, circles under his eyes.

He was the eyewitness. He had been there to see Dorcas being murdered, knowing there was nothing he could do, probably barely escaping with his own life. What did it mean that he had no one left he loved? Caradoc was nearly on Dorcas's level for being a thorn in Voldemort's side. What would they do to him if they caught him?

Knowing what I knew about the war, everything looked a lot less like "if" and a lot more like "when." I went home to Amy that night to find both her and Aludra passed out on the couch from exhaustion and I smiled instinctively, kissing Amy's forehead before taking Aludra gently from her arms. Aludra thankfully did not wake as I carried her to her cot, placing her in it with all the care I possessed and tucking her in. My fingers brushed her sweet little head of growing, soft hair before I returned to the sofa to find Amy lying there, dead to the world.

I knelt beside her, pressing her fingers to my lips and just watching her sleep for the longest time. She looked so beautiful sleeping, and I recalled her sleeping in my bed at school when she'd been ill, in the earlier days of her illness when she still looked something like herself. When she'd asked me to hold her that first night I'd sat up all night just watching her sleep and thinking of was to make her feel better in the morning. Even then, even before I realized how much I loved her, I thought she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen as I watched her sleep in my arms.

Carefully and a bit reluctantly, I lifted her sleeping form into my arms, allowing her head to rest on my shoulder as I carried her to our room and laid her down in our bed, kissing her forehead as I kicked off my shoes. I was just settling into bed, wondering if maybe I should wake her with kisses and try to seduce her while Aludra was fast asleep when I heard our beautiful little girl begin to cry and I sighed, shaking my head and smiling.

It was like she could sense how frustrated her father was.

"Coming, princess," I muttered to myself, making my way to her room to calm her down.

The following week found me right back at another Order Meeting, and Lily had begged me to come, in spite of the fact that Amy had her hand's full with a sick child.

"If she wants you there, it's important," Amy had told me. "Just go. I'll be fine for an hour or two. She doesn't sick up as much as a grown person, and I used to take care of siblings."

I hadn't wanted to leave her, but she all but threatened to castrate me if I stayed in spite of Lily's request, so I went to the meeting, sitting anxiously between Remus and Caradoc, fidgeting.

"Are you okay?" Caradoc asked. "You look a bit pale."

"Aludra's ill," Remus explained, patting my shoulder comfortingly. "He didn't want to leave, but Amy made him. She's fine, Sirius. Amy's very good at dealing with this sort of thing."

"But what if something's really wrong with her?" I sighed, rubbing my temples. "What if she's seriously sick? I'm sitting here while-"

"While your daughter goes through a stomach bug," Caradoc said with a small smile. "Sirius, think of how much you were probably ill as a child. Amy's a better mother than yours. Your child will be fine."

Well, he certainly had a point there. Just about anything would be better than my mother, and there I was, still alive and breathing. Still, I couldn't help but think of Amy, ill in my bed and nothing I could do about it. I was also thinking of her regular morning sickness, not knowing what was wrong and being absolutely helpless to make her well again.

It was so much worse with my daughter, her tiny little body vomiting, tears streaming down her sweet little face.

"I guess you're right," I muttered, "but it's hard."

Caradoc and Remus just nodded, but the meeting was called to order, so we couldn't continue the discussion.

I looked over at Lily and James, who were sitting across from us, and I noticed that Lily was even paler than usual. James was clutching her hand, which was actually white as it grasped back at his.

Something had them very, very shaken.

"Obviously," Dumbledore said from the head of the table, "we knew that fighting would be part of the job. Fighting, recruiting, deliveries, and the like." We all nodded. It wasn't that any of us knew exactly what we were signing up for, but we'd all had a decent idea just from reading the watered-down version that made it into the paper. "Lily, James, would you care to share your recent experience with the others, please?"

The two of them looked at each other slowly, then James cleared his throat and said, "Voldemort tried to recruit us to be Death Eaters."

A bustle of sound rose through the room as people whispered to the people around them, but my eyes were fixed on Lily.

"Why?" I said softly. I hadn't expected anyone to hear me over the din, but the room went quiet at once. I didn't take my eyes from Lily as I said, "I can understand recruiting James, but Lily is Muggleborn. Why would he even bother?"

"I wondered about that, too," James said, his voice tight and strained. "The only thing I could think of was that he would lure us in with promises of protection, and then kill Lily if I did something wrong, when it was too late for me to get out."

I nodded, but something didn't feel right.

If it had been me, if Voldemort had offered protection for Amy and Aludra, it wouldn't have shocked anyone in the room. We were about as pure of blood as you could get. In fact, such an offer would be tempting, as much as I hated to admit it to myself. My morals weren't that weak and I wouldn't turn just to keep Amy and Aludra alive, but I did think about their safety every day. It was a struggle, knowing what the right thing was when you weren't just thinking for yourself.

I knew how James felt in that moment.

Sitting through the rest of the meeting, talking about increased safety for the Potters, about who we thought would likely be targeted in this way and how to protect them…I wasn't listening.

I was thinking about my little girl vomiting in her mother's arms, thinking about how I was going to keep them safe. Of course we'd been the first ones mentioned when they speculated on who else would be targeted, followed by Frank and Alice.

What had I done?

When it was just me, or even just me and Amy that was one thing. She might not have wanted to fight, but I had no doubt in her ability to defend herself as well or better than anyone in the Order. But our child, she was a helpless being. She needed constant attention and protection.

As soon as the meeting was over I rushed home, not even thinking of saying any pleasantries to anyone at the meeting.

When I got home, I found Amy holding and soothing Aludra, who was sobbing on her mother's shoulder.

"Oh, princess," I sighed, taking my little girl in my arms and holding her tightly as she cried.

"What was the meeting about?" Amy asked, smiling at me.

"Just new contact with Voldemort, that's all," I said, trying not to sound afraid. I couldn't let Amy see me even a little bit afraid. I leaned forward and kissed her lips softly. "How's our little girl been?"

"She started vomiting and screaming the moment you left," Amy said wryly. "I think she knew you were gone and it was her way of demanding your presence."

"Aw, did you miss me?" he said, shifting Aludra so he could make a wacky grin at her red face. "Did princess miss Daddy?"

She just looked up at him with those green eyes and he knew that she was a weakness he was going to have to contend with someday.


	18. Aludra

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to reader and reviewer, **_**danceegirl92**_**. I hope you enjoy!**

** -C**

It was hard, waiting up for Sirius when he was on missions, but Aludra always seemed to sense when he was leaving for one anyway, and she would keep me awake. She didn't seem to like sleeping without her father to tuck her in any more than I liked the idea of sleeping without Sirius beside me.

"Let's see," I said, sitting us both down on the floor. "Which doll do you want to grab at today?"

I was convinced that I was a terrible mother, and when Sirius wasn't around I felt like even worse of a mother. I loved Aludra, obviously, but I was frustrated with her. There was so much she couldn't do, so much she needed constant help and attention with. I found her exhausting. Sirius was so incredibly patient and loving with her and I felt guilty for the frustration I felt. If Sirius, who had had the worst parents in the world, could be so patient and kind with a helpless child, then surely I could figure it out from watching my parents being constantly loving and patient.

But the more I tried to focus on patience, the harder it became.

Aludra had begun to cry in spite of the presence of her favorite doll and I knew that this was a different cry from the one that meant she wanted Sirius.

She wanted food.

I sighed, pulling my shirt and bra off, positioning her and offering my breast. Aludra's little mouth instantly sucked up my nipple and began to feed on the milk.

Sometimes, in spite of my love for my daughter, I thought of her a bit as a parasite.

I laid my head back as she fed, thinking of Sirius's words before he'd left for his mission. He swore he'd be back before it got too late. He also swore that he'd help put down Aludra for bed, as he always did, because she didn't seem to want to sleep unless it was her father putting her in her cot.

As Aludra continued to happily suck away, I rubbed my tired eyes with the heel of my free hand.

He was a good father, as good as any new father could hope to be without much guidance. I sighed, adjusting my hold on Aludra.

Sirius swore up and down that I was a good mother, but he didn't understand. I didn't live in fear of being my parents. I lived in fear of not measuring up to my parents, to the Potters, to Sirius. I was surrounded by models of excellent parents, so if I failed to be the perfect mother for my child, what was my excuse?

Aludra began to fuss and I switched her to the other breast, adjusting my hair slightly. I wasn't sure when it had gotten so tangled, but I'd taken to wearing it up most of the time, even when sleeping. Aludra loved tugging on long strands of hair, not really caring if they belonged to her dolls or her parents. I loved poking fun at Sirius when Aludra caught hold of his hair, by threatening to cut his precious locks.

He never found this particularly funny, and liked to counter that maybe he should cut my hair. I had him there, though, because he loved my hair too much to cut it. I'd considered it at one point in school and even before we'd been together he'd been very upset that I would even consider cutting my hair. Naturally, I decided not to cut it, knowing that he loved it so much, and I knew he wouldn't let me do it even for the purpose of putting me in my place.

"There, now," I said, smiling as Aludra smacked her lips and moved her head away from my breast. "Better?"

She was sleepy, of course, and I began to burp her, hoping that Sirius would be home soon to put her to bed. I stood, placing the towel over my shoulder and moving into the kitchen where the floor was easier to clean. Sirius insisted that a quick Charm got rid of it all, but I wasn't so sure he wasn't just too lazy to do it properly.

I patted Aludra's back, pacing around the kitchen, babbling on at my daughter about whatever popped into my head while I tried not to think about what was keeping Sirius. He'd promised it wouldn't be too late, and it was already well past the point I would have called late.

Perhaps if I called Lily for some company…. Whatever it was he was off doing, he was doing it with James. She would be just as anxious as I was, and Aludra loved Lily, or more specifically, Lily's hair.

"You, miss," I muttered, "had better have incredibly long hair when you get older, because then you can pull on your own hair and leave everyone else's alone."

Just as I said this, Aludra's hand began to grab at a lock of my hair that had come loose from the tangled mess of a bun I'd put it all up in, and I groaned.

"C'mon, love," I sighed. "Just get sleepy enough that I can actually put you to bed so your father being late can be something I can worry about properly."

Her eyes were flickering closed and I was started to get actually hopeful.

I continued to pace along the kitchen floor, wondering if maybe I shouldn't make a quick snack once I'd finally gotten her to sleep. Dinner was a while ago and I was beginning to get hungry. The downside would be that if I was full I might get sleepy, and I wanted to stay up until Sirius got back.

"Just you and me, love," I sighed, shifting her as she started to fall asleep in earnest. "Just you and me. Daddy's still not back like he promised and I'm start to get annoyed…."

My voice trailed off as I heard the sound of Sirius's motorbike at the front.

Sirius barked with laugher as he came in, and Aludra woke up slightly at the sound of her father approaching, lifting her head slightly.

"Where are my beautiful girls?" Sirius called.

"Kitchen," I said, walking out to greet him, and his jaw dropped as he saw me.

I had completely forgotten that I'd not put on my bra or shirt when I finished feeding Aludra.

"What are you trying to do to me?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Aludra to bed first," I said, rolling my eyes. "Then I suppose you can ogle since I can't really stop you."

Sirius laughed nervously, taking Aludra from my arms, kissing her little head as he carried her off to her room.

"How's Daddy's princess?" he said happily, and she cooed, happily but tired. I watched as he placed her tenderly in her cot and touched her head as she smacked her lips, eyes already closing.

"So, what happened that has you so happy?" I asked when he returned and I leaned over to pick up my shirt at least from the sofa, making to put it on. Sirius's hand stopped me, touching my bare shoulder happily.

"We killed three Death Eaters today," Sirius said, pressing a kiss to my bare shoulder. "With a Muggle car."

"I'm sorry, what?" I snapped, pushing him off my shoulder and looking up at him. I could feel my whole body trembling. "What happened?"

"Well, these Muggle police started following us," Sirius said casually, obviously not concerned with my pushing him away as he traced his fingers down my sides. "And we went down an alley and they were all excited. It was sort of like the films, being pulled over. Flashing blue lights and everything."

I swallowed and closed my eyes, horrified. Horrified, and a little bit turned on by the way he was touching me.

"So it was the police car you used, then?"

"Yeah," he muttered. "Yeah, they came up behind the police, three of them on brooms. We were protecting the Muggles in a way. They had no idea what was happening."

I backed away.

"Did you use Memory Charms?"

"N-no," Sirius said slowly, scratching the side of his face thoughtfully. "I suppose we probably should have…"

"You think?" I snorted. "What about the Statute of Secrecy, Sirius? I know you didn't care when we were kids, but it's obviously a bit different now!"

Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"Are you upset that I used the Muggle car, or that we forgot the Memory Charm?"

I wasn't sure what was upsetting me. Perhaps it had something to do with my husband and my best friend's husband murdering three people and his laughing about it.

I shivered slightly, pulling on the shirt in spite of his protests and I sat down.

"What was the mission?" I asked. "Why were the Death Eaters following you in the first place?"

He swallowed and sat beside me. I knew he was trying to decide what he was allowed to tell me.

"James and I were stopping a raid," he said slowly. "A Muggle neighborhood was supposed to be blown up tonight, but we put extra protections and drew them away. That neighborhood can't be touched for another twenty years."

He was so sure of himself. I wanted to believe his bullshit, but I knew there was no spell so powerful that it couldn't be broken down by someone determined and equally powerful, like Voldemort. The likelihood that Voldemort would attack the neighborhood himself was low, perhaps, but I didn't think it was completely beyond any of his followers, either.

Bellatrix, for example.

"How was Aludra?" he asked.

"She was all right," I said, a bit annoyed by the change of subject as he moved closer. "Missed her father, obviously, but she gets like that every time you leave. She'll get better when she gets older, unless of course you keep spoiling her absolutely."

Sirius snorted.

He liked to deny that he spoiled her, but he knew as well as I did that he was already wrapped around her finger.

"Has she done anything interesting while I was gone?"

"I fed her," I said with a shrug. "She played with her dolls for a while, had an easy burping. I was going to put her down to sleep if you hadn't come home when you did. She was getting very sleepy."

Sirius frowned.

Neither of us particularly wanted to have her go to sleep before he came home, but some nights he was out so late, and she was starting to keep more friendly hours to my own sleep schedule. It was something I was going to have to start doing at some point, putting her to sleep while Sirius was away.

"This is going to get harder, isn't it?" Sirius asked, wrapping an arm around me. "I mean, I knew it was going to be hard when I signed up, but when I signed on to the Order, I didn't think we'd have a child to think of."

"Do you regret it?" I asked, a bit nervous.

I knew he loved Aludra. That wasn't even a question. But did he wish we had waited, that we'd been more careful?

He blinked at me.

"How can you even ask that?" he said. "Would I have preferred the war to be over before bringing a child into this world? Yes." I bit my lip. "But Amy, I am so happy that we've had her now, because the more I learn about this war the more I realize that it could be years, decades even, before it's all over. And I don't want to wait thinking we've got plenty of time and then finding out that we don't."

Translation: he didn't want to die and leave me with nothing but a ring and a Gringotts account. Aludra was a piece of him, just as she was a piece of me, although she looked nothing like him, and looked less and less like she would every day.

I sighed, standing again, and Sirius stood beside me.

"Amy, what's wrong?"

I closed my eyes.

"Sometimes," I admitted, "I think about what I'm going to do if you don't come back. I think about what I would tell Aludra about you, how I would explain how much you love her. And sometimes I think of what to do if something happened while you aren't here."

"Amy…"

I shrugged his hands off my shoulders.

"You're not always here, Sirius, and you can't be," I said firmly. "And I can think of half a dozen Death Eaters just off the top of my head that would kill or hurt me and Aludra if they could, just to hurt you. This house might be very safe, but nowhere is completely safe."

Sirius shook his head, pressing his forehead to mine.

"They wouldn't kill you, Amy."

"Sirius, you think highly of us, but-"

"No," he said, frowning. "No, I mean that if I'm right, they don't want to hurt me. They want…they want to recruit me, still. I think especially now that we've had a child."

I raised an eyebrow. I was trying to follow his train of logic, but it was evading me. I opened my mouth to ask what he was saying, but he explained without my asking.

"We're purebloods, Amy," he said. "We're married purebloods who are capable of creating more pureblooded children, heirs and brides for heirs of other houses." From the acerbic tone of his voice, it made him just as sick to think of our daughter in that way as it made me to hear him say it. "And we're both very talented. We're likely to create talented children as well. If they turn me, promise protection of you and the children, think of what they gain. But if they kill you, even if they keep Aludra alive, think of what they lose."  
I hadn't thought of it that way, mostly because it was sick and twisted, but he was right. They had no incentive to kill us. Torture me to make a point, perhaps, but kill us?

"I'm not sure that makes me feel any better," I admitted, turning away from him, but Sirius stopped me.

"I didn't say it to make you feel better Amy. I know it's shit, what we have to deal with."

I shook my head. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps it was true, that this was just what we had to deal with, but I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to have to live in this world, in this war.

"Amy," he said, pressing his forehead to mine again. "Kiss me, please."

The whine in his voice reminded me just how long it had been since we'd last had sex, and the way his fingers traced my skin as he lifted my shirt made me wonder why it had been so long. I did as he asked without hesitation, pressing my lips to his.

Every time got better and better, I mused as our lips parted long enough for him to pull the shirt over my head again, pressing me against the wall hungrily.

"You tease me so much," he growled, pressing his lips to my jaw. "You always look so beautiful right when I'm least able to touch you, to hold you. And I swear our daughter's in on it, crying every time I manage to get close enough to have you."

I sighed, tossing my head back as he pressed kisses down my neck. I really didn't mind that my head had hit the wall rather hard, not while he was running his fingers up my stomach to my breasts, his touch feather-light.

"I don't care if she cries the whole time," Sirius said in a low voice. "I'm going to have you, right here and now, and you're not going to make any excuses."

Excuses were the furthest thing from my mind, and I made this as clear as possible by tugging at the hem of his shirt. He helped me get the shirt off him, and we became frenzied, a blur of removing clothing before he pushed me against the wall again.

We'd not made much of a habit of sex like this, standing up for one thing, against a wall, but still my legs instinctively wrapped around his waist and a moment later he was inside me, like this was something we'd done so many times that it was routine.

How I wished we could have such a beautiful routine.

"Fuck," he hissed. "Fuck, I had almost forgotten how…how…"

I kissed him to shut him up. I really didn't care much for dirty talk, especially when it would make me blush and ruin the mood.

Sirius got his wish and Aludra did not cry, not the first time we had sex against the wall, nor when he took me on the sofa. He carried me to bed, pulling me on top of him, my head resting on his chest like we'd often fallen asleep when we were first sleeping together.

"I love you," he said kissing my head. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," I sighed, stretching slightly with sleepiness.

"I'm never going to let anything happen to you," he muttered, his eyes already fluttering closed.

No matter how many times I asked him not to make impossible promises, he couldn't seem to help himself, so I'd more or less stopped asking. I let my neck relax as my ear pressed to his chest, the sound of his heartbeat lulling me toward sleep. I wished we could have more days like these, more days where I could fall asleep in his arms, peaceful and contented.

Just as I was starting to fall asleep, though, Aludra began to cry.

"I'll get her," Sirius muttered, trying to pull himself up in spite of obvious exhaustion, but I shook my head.

"I'll do it," I told him. "You sleep. I'll be back soon."

He was asleep again before I'd made it out of the room.


	19. Misfortune Closing In

**A/N: Sirius's POV, this chapter is dedicated to reader/reviewer **_**BritishBeauty x**_**. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I'm so happy that this is your favorite story on the site at the moment!**

** -C**

I awoke to two of my least favorite sounds in the world: Aludra crying and Amy sicking up.

I sighed, rolling out of bed. I couldn't do Amy any good if Aludra wasn't calmed down and contented, so I told her I was going to get the baby, hoping that whatever Amy had was just a quick, twenty-four hour thing.

"Good morning, princess!" I said as happily as possible while still so tired, as Aludra reached for me. I hoisted her up in my arms, kissing her face. "Perhaps I ought to take you to Gran Potter today, princess, while I'm at the meeting so that Mummy doesn't get you sick."

"M'fine," Amy muttered. She was standing at the doorway to the nursery, looking anything but fine. "It's just a small bug."

"Amy," I sighed, putting Aludra down for a moment to touch my wife's forehead. "Well, you don't have a temperature, but you look terrible."

"Thanks," she retorted, but it didn't even sound much like a retort.

"I'm sending both of you to Mrs. Potter while I'm gone," I said firmly. "You shouldn't be taking care of Aludra in this condition."

"You have to go?" she whined as Aludra grabbed at my leg hair.

"Ouch!" I cried. "Damn, can't let her do that."

I scooped up my daughter, taking the leg hairs out of her hand before she went to stick it in her mouth, which she promptly did.

Amy normally would have laughed at that, but instead she gave me a weak smile.

"Love, you really do look like you need a rest," I said. "C'mon, I can ask her to come take care of both of you here. I really do have to go. You know that. James specifically requested me there. I can't just…. I mean, I know you're sick, but…."

"No, no, you're right," she sighed, and I felt terrible instantly. I didn't want to leave her like this. "You can call in Mrs. Potter if you'd like. I'm just…I don't want to get her sick."

That was something I hadn't thought of. It wasn't that Mrs. Potter was particularly frail, but she was certainly elderly, and the elderly caught illness much more easily than the general population, sort of like babies. I licked my lips. I really couldn't just leave her like this without anyone and send Aludra to Mrs. Potter….

"What if I get my cousin?" I asked. "Andromeda can look after you and the baby. Or Ted, if Andromeda has work. Would that be okay?"

"Sure," she muttered, frowning. She was going to have to sick again, I knew and I just nodded, carrying Aludra with me toward the fireplace as Amy rushed back to the toilet. Aludra reached for her mother, making a very confused and upset face.

"No, no," I sighed, kissing her little fingers on her saliva-free hand. "Mummy's sick, love. Let's go firecall Aunt Dromeda, shall we?"

I put Aludra on the floor with a doll and put up a shield between her and the fireplace before making the Floo call.

"Sirius?" Andromeda said with some interest. "Is everything all right?"

"Actually, no," I said, giving her an apologetic smile. "You're not busy, are you? It's just, Amy's sick and I have a meeting and I don't want to leave her and Aludra alone…"

"Say no more," Andromeda said. "Bring Aludra here and I'll go to Amy. Ted can watch Aludra and Nymphadora. Nymphadora will be pleased, no doubt, to meet her little cousin."

I grinned.

Dora was Andromeda's daughter, about five or six years old, and she was reportedly fascinated at having a cousin.

"Ted won't mind?"

"You must be joking," Andromeda snorted. "Ted's been asking for another one. No, he'll be pleased about a baby to play with, even if it's just for a couple of hours. I'll be over soon to pick up Aludra. Can you have her things ready?"

"Of course," I said, and brought my head back to the room the rest of me was in, lowering the shield and watching Aludra play for just a moment before heading into her room. I put together all her things, including a bottle in case she needed feeding. I couldn't have Amy feed her while sick, as much as Amy would hate it.

"Sirius!" Amy said weakly as she walked into the room. "Someone's at the door."

"It's Dromeda, love," I said, kissing her pale, sweaty cheek. "She's taking Aludra to hers for Ted and Dora to play with, and she's going to stay here with you. Just until I'm home, I promise."

Amy nodded, watching me hurry out to greet my cousin, who took the baby things and Aludra.

"Be right back," she said, Disapparating.

It was a bit disconcerting, actually, watching someone Disapparate with my daughter in their arms, even if she was my only sane relative.

Andromeda was back a moment later, pushing through past me to take a look at Amy.

"Oh, dear," she sighed. "You look like death."

I snorted as Amy raised her eyebrows, her pretty green eyes widening.

"Thanks for kicking me while I feel like shit," Amy muttered, wandering off toward the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" Andromeda demanded. She turned to me. "Where is she going?"

"The kitchen, I expect," I said with a laugh. Those two were going to probably eat each other alive. And if Amy won, she'd vomit her back up again. "Water, Dromeda. She's getting water."

"Well!" Andromeda said, looking a bit…affronted. "How long has it been since she last vomited?"

"About five minutes," Amy hissed, coming back into the room with a glass of water. "My uncle was a Healer, Dromeda. I know how to take care of myself."

I was growing increasingly pleased that I wouldn't have to be around for the showdown, and the two women barely noticed as I said my goodbyes, grabbed my cloak, and Disapparated. I could have taken the bike, but I didn't want to waste any time getting home to my wife.

I knew what the meeting was about before it had even been called to order. Lily and James were sitting there, side by side, pale as could be.

"Again?" I asked. "What happened?"

James shook his head, indicating that he would only tell it once. I nodded. It was his story, and I had to respect the decision.

"Amy's ill," I muttered. "Dromeda's looking after her, but I'm leaving as soon as we're done here."

"Do you need me to come by and help out?" Lily asked, looking up at me with concern in her eyes.

Bless Lily and her endless selflessness.

"We'll be okay, Lily," I said with a smile. "It's just a stomach bug. She'll be right as rain in the morning, and she really only needs to be cared for while I'm here. It's more to keep her from being stubborn. You know how she gets."

Lily nodded.

Amy could certainly take care of herself, as she had told my cousin, but she also had the occasional habit of doing things she knew she shouldn't simply because she didn't want to believe she shouldn't do them. It was sheer stubborn pride, but no one could best me in pride and stubbornness but my Amy.

Dumbledore cleared his throat and called the meeting to order. I sat there, looking around the table. Frank and Alice also looked a bit disconcerted. Voldemort had attempted to recruit them as well, which made a lot of sense, actually. A pureblood couple. I didn't know for certain, but I assumed Alice was fertile. It was only a matter of time, I knew, before someone would approach me, whether Voldemort himself or one of his followers. I knew what I wanted to say, but if they somehow got ahold of Amy….

I tuned out Dumbledore for a moment, wondering just how much they would do to her in order to win my loyalties. It seemed unlikely that Voldemort would hand her over to Bellatrix if he knew anything about me at all. No Death Eater who knew me would believe that I would join anyone who put my wife at Bellatrix's mercy. But someone a little less vicious, perhaps. Malfoy, Avery, Rosier…

Malfoy seemed most likely, as he was technically family as well. I wondered if thoughts of his own wife would make him have a bit of pity. He was a schemer, though. He wouldn't defy Voldemort, but he would try to make a side deal if I knew him at all. What would it be? Guardianship over my daughter if Amy and I were gone in exchange for lighter torture of Amy, or even keeping an eye on her, protecting her from other Death Eaters?

In a sense, if I would ever be mad enough to contemplate such deals, it wouldn't be a bad deal. The Malfoys having guardianship over Aludra meant Bellatrix didn't. But it didn't mean Bellatrix wouldn't have access to her.

It had always seemed like such an easy decision, Voldemort or good, evil or good….

But suddenly it was more complex than I realized. I knew where I stood, I knew what I stood for, but if he did ever somehow get access to my family, I was terrified to think of how things might change. I wanted to tell myself that I wouldn't change sides, that I would find a way to save them with the help of the Order….

But I thought of Caradoc and his girl and I wondered what the cost would be if I tried to do that.

"Tell us what happened, James," Dumbledore said, and James began to relate his tale.

"It wasn't Voldemort himself this time," James said. It was strange, seeing him so pale. I knew he was worried, but he hadn't even looked this bad when his father had died. "He sent a messenger. Bellatrix and her husband actually."

I gave a perhaps insensitive bit of short laughter. Eyes turned to me in surprise.

"Sorry," I said. "It's just I wouldn't have thought anyone would be stupid to send Bellatrix as some kind of diplomatic messenger. Not unless they wanted the mission to fail."

"I think it was meant to point out how we would suffer if we didn't turn," Lily said softly. "But we didn't turn. I thought she was going to lose it then and there, but her husband reminded her of whatever their orders were and they left. I don't know how many times he'll try before he just kills us."

"That wouldn't be very sporting," Caradoc said darkly. "Just turning on the spot and trying to kill you after trying to recruit you."

"Whoever said Voldemort fights fair?" Moody growled. "Constant vigilance is what's going to keep these two alive, Dearborn, as with all of us!"

It was very hard not to laugh even a little at that. The number of times Moody had told us to be constantly vigilant was getting a bit absurd, but then, he was right. I knew it. We all knew it. It was why none of us could laugh about it, even behind his back, as we had when we'd first joined the Order. We'd seen too many deaths, watched too much destruction. How easily it could have been me instead of someone else, so many times.

There were relatively few notes the rest of the meeting, and it seemed that once they told their tale, Lily and James seemed a bit more relaxed. There was less discussion of it as there had been the time before. The fact of the matter was, if they were approached again, it would either go the same way or someone would try to kill them, and we didn't know and they had to be prepared for anything.

Whether or not that was somehow a comfort for them I couldn't say, but there was no comfort for me. I was still waiting to see how Voldemort would try to get to me.

I hurried home, but my state of mind from that day echoed on for more than a week.

There was increased paranoia in the Order. Lily and James came for breakfast the following morning and we were discussing it while Amy vomited some more, sitting far away from the food when she was well enough to join us. Lily bounced a delighted but perplexed Aludra on her knee.

Aludra hadn't been able to figure out what was wrong with her mother and found the whole thing rather distressing.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital?" Lily asked. "I can take Aludra for a while…"

"I told you, it's fine," Amy groaned. "I was a bit…overeager in trying to prove Andromeda wrong and now I'm suffering for it. Really, I shouldn't have eaten that fish, but she was just so…infuriating!"

"I'll tell her you said so, dear, she'll be so pleased," I teased.

I half expected something like this to happen, but I had hoped that Amy would value getting better more than her pride. Apparently I was wrong.

"Well, I was feeling much better by then," Amy whined. "I thought I was up to it."

"Obviously, you weren't," James told her cheekily.

Aludra cooed, grabbing a bit of Lily's hair and putting it in her mouth.

"Oh, that must not taste very good," Lily said, working the hair out of the baby's mouth.

"She only does that with your hair, you know," Amy said thoughtfully, sitting back in her chair as I poured her some water. "It must be something to do with the color."

"Or the length," James pointed out. "Lily's got the longest hair of anyone Aludra knows."

"It's probably the color," I said with a laugh, "or simply just luck."

Lily scowled at me.

"Well, Sirius, I'm just so lucky. I feel so honored. Now come keep your daughter from eating my hair, would you?"

We all laughed, but I hurried over and retrieved Aludra from Lily.

"Hey, you silly girl," I said, grinning at my daughter. "Why do you want to do that, huh? Why do you want to eat Lily's hair? It's not tasty. No, no, no, not like Mummy's milk, right?"

Aludra cooed in what I preferred to think of as agreement.

James raised an eyebrow.

"Please tell me you haven't…"

Amy actually spat water onto the table when she realized the implications of the conclusions James had drawn from my statement in an attempt to commiserate with my daughter.

I laughed.

"No, I've not tasted her breast milk, Prongs," I said, bouncing Aludra slightly as she laughed. "But I do have the ability to empathize about things I have no experienced. I know you were skeptical, but I'm not a terrible human being."

Lily laughed, but Amy was blushing. The worst bit about the blush, though, was realizing that she was sick enough that the blush made her look just a little paler than she typically was.

"Amy, maybe you should go and lay down if you won't go to hospital," I said, pressing my free hand to her forehead. Still no fever. "I know you're fine, but you don't look fine, and it's worrying me."

She pouted, but she did as I asked when I looked down at her. She must have seen the fear and concern in my eyes.

"Wake me before they go," she muttered.

No doubt she would actually sleep. She looked exhausted enough to sleep all day.

When the door closed behind her I turned back to Lily and James.

"Did she look bad to you?" I asked.

"Yes," James said. "But if she says she's fine, Pads, I'm sure she's fine. Remember, she does have Healers in her family. She's got some sense of these things."

I also wanted to point out that Amy could be absolutely stupid when it came to her pride, but I just swallowed and nodded.

"I think Frank and Alice have been approached too," Lily said softly, looking down at her tea. "Nobody says anything, though. Everyone's keep secrets, even inside the Order."

"There've been some fishy things," James said, shrugging. "Things where one or two would be coincidence, but with as many as there have been I'm beginning to believe Moody's paranoid murmurings. We have to be constantly vigilant, even among our own."

"You don't think there's a spy?" I asked, frowning.

A spy would know everything, would know all our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. A spy, if it were the wrong spy, might even know how to get into my house. They might know how to get to Amy and Aludra.

I would have to change the wards and be more selective about houseguests.

"I'm not going that far, not yet," James said quickly. "But you have to admit, it's all very suspect."

"I suppose you're right," Lily said sadly. "But still, I can't think of a single person we've put our trust in at the Order who would betray us. I mean, really, can either of you?"

We both shook our heads. I tried, truly, to single out someone whose behavior had been off, whose motivations could be shifted with the right leverage. But no one came to mind. Perhaps I was forgetting someone, but as I ran through my memory of the table at the last meeting, no one stuck out as a potential spy.

"Until Dumbledore says anything," James said with a nod, stirring is tea absently with his spoon, "I'm going to assume there is no spy. But I'm going to be vigilant anyway. I'll trust everyone, but there's only the six of us that I'll trust absolutely, and that includes Amy, of course. She may not be in the Order, but I would count on her if we needed her."

"Right," I said softly, my stomach turning at the thought of Amy being needed in the war.

I hoped, as I hoped there was no spy, that it would not come to that.


	20. A Blow to the Gut

**A/N: Vanessa's POV, this chapter is dedicated to reader and reviewer **_**BritishBeauty x**_**. I hope you all squeal and I hope you start to feel more than pure loathing for Vanessa. Her life is about to get a lot more complicated.**

** -C**

Peter was a little late, but he had told me ahead of time that he was coming straight from an Order meeting, so I wasn't terribly surprised, nor was I especially offended.

"Well?" I asked, smiling as he sat down across from me. "What was the topic of discussion at the meeting today?"

"You won't be pleased," he said slowly, and my smile dropped slightly.

What was so bad that even Peter knew it would not please me?

"Tell me anyway," I said, recovering some of my smile.

Peter took the tea I pressed into his hand.

"There are more pregnancies in the Order," he said in a measured way I hadn't thought him capable of. I raised my eyebrows.

Who was it this time? Longbottoms? He said plural, though….

"Lily and James are pregnant," he said softly, and I felt my stomach drop. I had the urge to hit him, but there was no point. "A boy, they said."

I managed to recover myself slightly.

"And the Longbottoms, I expect," I said, stirring more sugar into my tea. "Very well."

"Yes, they're having a boy as well," Peter said with a small frown. "And Amy and Sirius are pregnant again."

My spoon fell to the saucer with a clatter and I just looked at him. There was no pretense of a smile or a hint of anything.

It was like everything in the universe had suddenly designed against me.

"But their first child is still so young," I said slowly. "And they're already pregnant with a second?"

"Two, actually," he said grimly. "She's pregnant twins. Girls, again."

I could not handle this. I stood and began pacing.

Three children so soon after graduating, and I'd not managed one yet. Granted, Jack and I were only trying so hard. I was a bit loth to lose my figure so soon, and Jack was kept very busy by the Dark Lord.

As I paced, Peter sat quietly.

"Girls again," I muttered. "I wonder…."

I knew that some couples could try for years for a boy and never get one while others just had male heir after male heir. Perhaps…perhaps Amy and Sirius would not be able to have a son.

There were still tricks up my sleeve, but Amy being pregnant again would complicate the plans they'd made in order to torture and kidnap her. I would have to tell Jack as soon as possible.

"Well," I sighed, smoothing my hair to calm myself. "Well, Peter, what else have you learned? Surely there's something more than pregnancies to report."

Peter blinked at me, and then he nodded.

I sat back down as he related the rest of the meeting, and I tried to focus on his words. There was particularly Caradoc Dearborn's mission to consider. Jack had shown quite a lot of interest in that. Perhaps if there was something beneficial in this news, he would be less upset about Amy's pregnancy.

Twins.

I poured myself more tea and nodded at something about Edgar Bones as I stirred in sugar.

Well, if nothing else, she would not be so pretty after having twins. Perhaps my husband's obsession would be dampened by this. I knew some men found pregnant women attractive, but I was fairly certain that Jack held no such disgusting notions, and the stretch marks she would have after would not entice him.

That was a comfort, if a small one.

Aludra would still be the heir of the Black line once her grandfather and father were dead. That particular plan could continue forward more or less as planned. I tapped my fingernails absently on the table and from the look on Peter's face he knew that I was more or less done with the conversation. I allowed him to kiss my hand rather lingeringly and I spared him a smile.

He was already in rather deep, but not so deep that I didn't have to keep up the pretense that I actually would give him more if he was a good boy. Not until he was branded with that disgusting Mark could I drop such an act.

As soon as Peter was gone I called an elf to clean up the tea and walked back to my room. I let my hair down and began to brush it thoughtfully. Yes, it was going to frizz, but it was an action that I had found both calmed me and clarified my thoughts of late. If Jack had a problem with my hair, I had a feeling that was going to be the least of our concerns.

I wasn't going to bother with breaking it gently. This was important news, and he needed to know right away. I didn't know when their plans were meant to be set in motion, but if it was any time soon they would need to immediately regroup. Hopefully, they hadn't already set things in motion. I knew he was coming back from a raid.

Sucking in a breath, I contemplated sending an elf to him, to warn him not to go forward without my new information, but if he was with others, no matter what the situation, he would not be pleased with my interfering. These were things I wasn't supposed to know, just as Narcissa wasn't supposed to know them. Our husbands kept us vaguely informed because Sirius was Narcissa's cousin and Amy was once my friend.

In reality, they kept us informed because we had access to knowledge and information about the Blacks that even Bellatrix did not have, and they were keeping Bellatrix out of things as much as possible.

I had put down the brush when I heard footsteps in the hall and I knew he was home. I took a deep, steadying breath, and stood before he entered. He sat on the bed right away, taking off his boots and grunting in acknowledgement of my presence. I just watched him for a moment, trying to decide what sort of a mood he was in before proceeding.

"I assume Peter had news?" Jack said, looking up at me as he tossed the boots to the side.

"Lots of news," I said, arching an eyebrow and sitting across from him in one of our chairs. "There's information on Caradoc that I've written down in order not to miss anything. I've left it on my vanity."

"That's fine," he sighed, rubbing his temples. "What else?"

"Pregnancies in the Order," I said, rubbing my hands across my thighs a bit anxiously. "Three of them."

His eyes were wide when he looked up at me and I hoped he hadn't done anything rash.

"Three?" he said. With a shake of his head he got to his feet and crossed to the window, looking out at the garden. "Who?"

"The Potters are pregnant with a boy," I said, tracing the arm of the chair with a fingernail. "As are the Longbottoms."

He turned back to me with dark eyes.

"The Blacks?"

I nodded.

"Twin girls," I said, the words catching slightly in my throat.

I expected the pregnancy of the Potters to be the worst of the news, but the more I thought about those twins the angrier I became. It wasn't fair that Amy kept getting everything, even though the thought of twins growing inside of me was mildly terrifying.

Maybe she would die in childbirth.

I wasn't sure I wanted that, though, leaving three little girls without a mother. I shivered slightly.

"Twin girls," he mused. "Do you know the due dates?"

I blinked.

"If Peter knew, he didn't say," I replied.

And I hadn't thought to ask, so wrong-footed I was by the news. Jack just nodded, so at least he wasn't angry that I neglected to ask such an important question.

"With all likelihood all three will be July," he groaned, rubbing his eyes. I frowned. What was important about July? "Well, I suppose the girls are girls, so that's good. And twins…."

He opened his eyes and dropped his hands, looking at me intently.

"What?" I asked, tilting my head slightly.

"Sirius has inherited," he said softly. "Well, his mother still lives in Grimmauld Place and I doubt he'll inhabit it any time soon, but Orion Black has died."

I stopped tracing and gripped the arms of my chair tightly.

"Excuse me?" I hissed. "Orion Black is dead and you're just now telling me this?"

Jack frowned at me, narrowing his eyes.

"Don't overthink your own importance, Vanessa. You're lucky I tell you as much as I do. I don't owe you anything. Remember that."

I nodded, but I wasn't really listening. I stood and began to pace.

Orion Black was dead, and this meant that the entire Black fortune, unfortunately for Walburga's poor heart – not that I cared about her, but I could see that being me someday and it terrified me – went to the wayward Black son and his wife. I clenched my fists.

The Gringotts vault had probably already been transferred into his name. Any time now a goblin would give him the key and explain the situation. I began to shake with anger.

I wanted that vault. I wanted that money. The Avery fortune was nothing compared with the Blacks.

"We need a son, Vanessa, if that vault is going to come to our family," Jack said softly, obviously recognizing my train of thought. "We need a son, and then we can move forward and steal the claim from the Malfoys. The thought of Lucius and his smug smile, claiming all that gold…."

I agreed. Half the time I already wanted to rip out Lucius's throat with my bare hands, but he would only be worse if he managed to have a son before us and the plan worked out.

"We need to decide how we're going to approach the children, of course, in how we work toward enticing Sirius to the Dark Lord," Jack sighed. "Three young, helpless girls…. I expect his wife will have misfiring magic, as well. It's a very uncertain time for them." His lips curled into a cold, cruel smirk worthy of Lucius Malfoy or Bellatrix Lestrange.

"What?" I asked, my eyes narrowing slightly. "What are you thinking?"

"Kidnap the child," Jack said. "Aludra – no, just listen, Vanessa – and no torture is even necessary. Obviously I will not torture a pureblood pregnant with two pureblooded children. That would be ridiculous. And torturing a child so young of such pure blood would be equally absurd. But I have no doubt that kidnapping either pregnant mother or the child will achieve the desired effect, and leaving him with one reminds him that we have more to take from him."

"Why not kidnap the mother, then?" I demanded. For some reason, the idea of kidnapping the child made me especially uneasy.

"If we take the mother while Sirius is away, we leave a baby with no one to look after her," Jack pointed out, smiling slightly at my not thinking of such an obvious problem. "Besides that, if we take the child we can sedate or Stun the mother until Sirius comes to find her. If we kidnap her, we cannot keep her unconscious the whole time we have her, and the distress might harm the children. If we are to keep as much of the Black family in tact as possible, we need to take the child."

He seemed to be right about this, as much as I hated to admit it to myself.

"Of course," I said.

"Oh, and you need to go downstairs," Jack told me absently. "You have a visitor, sent especially by the Dark Lord."

I blinked at him. What did the Dark Lord want with me?

"Damn," I muttered. "My hair…"

"He won't mind," Jack said with a wave. "He knows it was unexpected. Don't keep him waiting. He's in the blue room."

I sighed and tried to smooth my hair as I walked, making my way to the blue room.

Severus Snape stood there, a little less lanky than I'd last seen him, at graduation. He'd grown slightly, and certainly grown into himself more. I blinked at him.

"Severus," I said, as charming and accommodating as I could master when I felt so flustered. Everything was throwing me out of balance today, it seemed. "A pleasure to see you. Jack said you were sent to see me?"

"Sit," he said sharply.

I didn't like being ordered around in my own home, but it was clear from the command in his voice that he had somehow gained high favor with the Dark Lord. In accordance with this, and with Jack's warning not to keep him waiting, I did as bid. He frowned at me slightly.

"The Dark Lord is concerned that you have not yet conceived," he said in his smooth, baritone voice, although I could tell that he was uncomfortable with whatever task he'd been set. He was good at hiding things when he really wanted, but I'd watched him and other Death Eaters long enough in school to know small things, like the way he held his hands when he was uncomfortable. "He has sent me to ensure that you are fertile."

I blinked.

He cleared his throat and pulled out his wand.

"Forgive me," he said, "but I must ask you to raise your shirt."

I did so slowly, exposing my abdomen. He touched his wand to my skin rather gently, muttering things I couldn't make out and focusing on my stomach. His frown was very deep when he stepped back.

It didn't take a genius to know that he'd already done this with Narcissa, who had also yet to conceive. But the look on his face when I put my shirt back in place made my heart race with fear.

"What is it?" I asked, gripping the arms of the chair. "Don't mince words with me, Severus. What's wrong?"

"You are not entirely barren," he said slowly. "But without intervention it will be virtually impossible for you to conceive, and if you do conceive you cannot carry a child to term. With intervention, it is still not guaranteed that this can be fixed."

I felt incredibly dizzy.

No, I was not exactly barren, but unless Severus could fix me I was barren, for all intents and purposes. A pureblooded witch who could not bear children.

It was my worst nightmare.

"What do I have to do?" I said, unable to keep my voice from shaking.

"I will prepare a potion regimen for you," he said thoughtfully. "That is the first step. We will see what needs to be done from there. As I have said, it is not completely impossible, but you cannot expect results."

"Of course," I whispered, looking down at my hands.

"I will bring the potions in a week," he said stiffly. "We will check on your progress regularly. The Dark Lord wants you to have a child, and I will do what is in my power to help you achieve that goal."

"Thank you," I said.

He bowed his head slightly and left me sitting alone in the blue room without another word. I blinked occasionally, but mostly I just stared at the carpet feeling slightly sick to my stomach.

I was virtually barren and Amy was apparently the most fertile pureblooded witch in England.

There was a knock at the door.

"Vanessa?"

"Come in," I said, my voice still strained from tears I was holding in. I would not cry in front of my husband. Severus would find a way to fix it, and I would have several male heirs. The Avery line would not end with Jack.

He came in and looked at me, his face actually concerned instead of impassive.

"Narcissa was fine," he said softly. "Lucius made a point of bragging as soon as they found out. It's just been an issue of timing, I suppose. Are…are you…?"

I gripped the arms of the chair a bit tighter.

"I'm not barren," I said slowly, "but Severus needs to…to try some potions and things to fix me. I…I am unlikely to conceive, and if I did I could not carry the child to term."

Jack's eyes widened and that was all it took for my resolve to break down entirely. My hands flew to my face as I began to sob, trying to stem the flow of tears that threatened to drown me. He knelt beside me, hands on my knees.

"It's going to be all right," he said gently. "If anyone can fix this, it is Severus. You will have children, Vanessa. You will have so many children all of pureblood society will be jealous of you. I promise you."

I was shaking, but I managed to stop the tears. I wiped my eyes.

"You are right," I said, gathering myself. "I will have children. And with any luck, I will have them before Narcissa has a son, and we will get the Black fortune."

"That's the spirit," he said with a small smirk.

But it felt more like posturing than anything else in our marriage, that interaction. I was terrified. Severus had underlined that there were no guarantees. I knew enough about such potions to know that there were also incredible risks. It wasn't as if I had a choice not to take them, not with the Dark Lord breathing down my neck. I had to do everything I could, even if I hadn't wanted children so badly to begin with.

"When will he have potions ready?" Jack asked, smoothing my hair rather kindly.

"A week, he said," I whispered. "I don't know how long it will take to start working, if it's going to work…."

"It will work," Jack said firmly. "It will."

I nodded, letting him take my hands in his and kiss them.

It was strange. I would have thought my husband would be less affectionate, knowing I might never give him a child. But it seemed to draw us even closer together.


	21. Bleak Midwinter

**A/N: Sirius's POV, this chapter is dedicated to new follower, _the bookworm fiend_. I hope you enjoy the chapter, and thanks for joining the ride!**

** -C**

Seven of us were sitting in the room, but it felt so incredibly empty. I'd asked Dumbledore if it was really necessary to have Amy leave the well-fortified house, and so he suggested that we hold the meeting at my house instead of the Order headquarters. I agreed, especially because it meant we wouldn't have to leave Aludra with a babysitter.

She was playing on the floor in front of us, actually, playing with blocks Lily had gotten her.

Lily, James, Dumbledore were familiar faces for Aludra, but she'd been a bit shy around Frank and Alice in a way she hadn't been when she was very young.

"Now, I have something very important to tell all of you," Dumbledore said, putting his tea down on the table again. "There has been a prophecy. I won't discuss the particulars, but as your due dates are all in the end of July, it is very likely that your children will be targeted by Voldemort."

I grasped Amy's hand.

It was one thing, knowing the wanted us to join the Death Eaters, that they might kidnap or even torture my family, but to kill my little girls? We hadn't even named them yet and their possible death was being discussed.

"Amy and Sirius," he said, clearing his throat slightly. "Your twins do not fit the prophecy, as it is about a male, but if the Death Eaters know about the pregnancy, I do not know how much they do know. It is possible that you are safe in this regard, but it is equally possible that your children are equal targets to the others."

Amy nodded. She was taking this remarkably well, better than I was. I didn't want half-comforts. I wanted explanations, answers, assurances that my daughters would be absolutely safe.

"What about us, then?" Lily asked. She was unearthly pale, and Lily was usually pale enough as it was. "What should we do?"

"Extra precautions will be taken," Dumbledore assured. "Extra warding on your homes. Anything we can dream up that won't affect your freedoms, at least until we know what their moves will be."

Amy tilted her head.

"You don't think they're going to attack anyone yet?" she said softly.

Dumbledore looked at her and nodded slowly.

"I do not believe that Voldemort would risk the opportunity to recruit those of you who are not prophesied. Especially you and Sirius and Frank and Alice."

I nodded.

Our blood. He would not risk killing off unnecessarily the children of pureblooded families, especially if there was a chance they might be male and continue family lines that were growing fewer and fewer all the time. I had received my father's vault key and the news of his death together from a goblin that didn't seem to care about the fact that I'd been disowned.

Wizarding law was wizarding law. With Regulus gone, the family fortune had to fall to me. Bellatrix was probably still fuming about it somewhere.

Dumbledore outlined some basic security updates that he and Moody would be implementing over the course of the month.

"This won't affect Christmas plans?" Amy said firmly. Merlin, she thought of everything. "Because this is our daughter's first Christmas, and we don't want this to ruin it."

Dumbledore smiled as Aludra grabbed his robes, smiling up at him.

"Yes, we will do whatever we can to ensure that Aludra's Christmas is perfect." He patted her head gently and she cooed, rolling over and letting go of his robes. "Alastor has grown especially fond of her."

We all laughed.

It was true, actually. Aludra and Mad-Eye were mutually fascinated by each other, and she had a way with him. Every time he dropped by to tell me anything about the Order or check on our wards, he brought her a new gift. Of course, that probably didn't hurt her fascination with Mad-Eye.

"Well, I suppose that's all I have for you now," Dumbledore said with a sad smile. "I hope that none of this turns out to be necessary and that we win the war before July even comes, but one can never tell with these things."

That was for Amy's benefit. Those of us in the Order knew that it would take an absolute miracle to have the war be over that soon.

Aludra sat herself up, picking up a block and switching it between her hands while Dumbledore got up and moved to get his cloak. I watched Aludra with a smile while Amy helped Dumbledore with his cloak. My daughter was putting a block in her mouth, which was some that had become more interesting to her than Lily's hair, at least.

"I suppose we really ought to be going, too," Frank said, putting his arm around Alice. "We'll be having Christmas with my mother, so we probably won't see you until Boxing Day."

"That's a shame," Amy said with a laugh. "We'll see you then, anyway. Have as much fun as possible. Safe travel."

"Thanks," Alice said as Frank helped her with her cloak. The two women kissed cheeks. "Have a lovely Christmas."

Frank and Alice left and the four of us looked down at Aludra together, who seemed unaware that there were so many eyes on her.

"Are we being selfish?" Lily said softly. "I mean, I'm thrilled to have a baby, but…."

"No," Amy said firmly. "I thought that when we were pregnant with Aludra, but it is the right thing. Dumbledore can say all he wants that this could be over by July, but I'm not a fool. Even with the minimal things that end up in the papers, it's impossible for everything to be over that quickly. It could be years, maybe even decades, and we shouldn't put our lives on hold because a megalomaniac thinks he should take over the entire world and impose blood purity."

We all nodded sadly. Lily's eyes were shining with tears as she touched her abdomen. But Lily and James left after a few goodbyes and I was sure that James would spend the evening working through their fears.

I turned, though, and saw Amy fall onto the sofa and begin to cry and shake.

"Amy," I said, scrambling to sit beside her, putting my arms around her. "Amy, it's going to be okay. Like Dumbledore said, they're not going to want our girls."

"No," she choked out. "No, they want all of us."

I recoiled slightly, wincing.

She was right, in a way. It was almost worse to be wanted alive than to be wanted dead.

"Amy," I whispered, petting her hair. "Amy, you heard what Dumbledore said. Extra protections will be added. That will protect us, alive or dead. And he is right about Mad-Eye and Aludra. I don't think Mad-Eye would let anything happen to her."

"I know," she said, resting her head on my shoulder. "It's going to be okay, right? But…but it's two instead of one this time and it was hard enough the first time, and…."

"Woah, Amy," I said, looking down at her and frowning. "What is this about? Is this about Voldemort and the prophecy, or is this about the pregnancy?"

"Both, I suppose," she sighed, wiping her eyes. "I mean, everything's hitting us at once and I don't know what to think at the moment. One child, sure. But three? Sirius, we're still basically kids!"

I sighed.

She was sort of right, although I didn't exactly want to admit it. I loved her, and I wanted her to feel safe. But having three children would make life in this war so much more difficult.

"Let's just think about how wonderful it's going to be to have three little girls to spoil," I said with a smile.

She snorted.

"Sirius, you don't need any more children to spoil, especially with all that gold you just inherited. We'll need a bigger house just for all the toys and dolls."

I raised my eyebrows. It wasn't a half-bad idea.

"No," she snapped, kissing my cheek. "We've got enough room here for five of us." She groaned. "Ugh, five of us. It's like I can feel how large I'm going to get already."

"I think you're going to be beautiful," I said honestly, touching her stomach and pressing my lips to her cheek. "And I think that you're going to be a super mother, dealing with the twins on top of this little villain."

"Mumumumum," Aludra babbled from the floor and I blinked, looking down at her.

"What was that, princess?" I asked, getting on the floor beside her as she looked up at us from her blocks. "What were you saying?"

"Mumumum," Aludra said, grinning. I laughed, kissing her cheek.

"Oh, you clever girl," I said, scooping her onto my lap. "Is that your mummy?"

Amy rolled her eyes.

"She's just repeating syllables, Sirius," Amy said. "She's not speaking."

I shook my head. I knew Amy was right. She'd read me all about this in the parenting books, but I liked to believe that our girl had some understanding of her babblings.

"With how clever her parents are?" I teased, bouncing Aludra slightly on my knee as she grinned and babbled on. "Nonsense, love. She's speaking."

Amy just smiled at me as I spent twenty minutes trying to get Aludra to say "Dada," but she apparently inherited our stubbornness as well and seemed to prefer "Mumum."

"Mumumumum," she babbled on happily hitting a block against the carpet while I touched Amy's ankle and rested my head on her lap.

"Do you feel better?" I asked, looking up at my wife's smiling face.

"Yes," she said, running her hands through my hair. Her eyes got wide, and she went to say something, but it was too late. Aludra had already started slamming the block down against my foot instead of the carpet.

"Merlin's-!"

"_Sirius!_"

"What?" I groaned, nursing my smarting foot. "It's not like she's speaking yet!"

"Says the man who just insisted that she's clever enough to speak already."

"Mumumumum!"

I groaned, pressing my head into Amy's lap again. She laughed.

"Would you like a pain potion?" Amy teased.

"Yes, please," I said, kissing her knee. "Have you noticed that she's been chewing on that block all day?"

"Chewing?" Amy asked, getting up to get a potion for me.

"Yeah, like she's chewing on food or something."

"Sirius, she's still breast-feeding. She doesn't chew on food yet."

"You know what I mean."

Amy sighed, handing me the potion and sitting beside me on the floor, pulling Aludra onto her lap.

"Let's see your mouth, miss," she said, trying to coax Aludra to hold her mouth still. "Oh, Sirius!" Amy giggled, excited.

"What is it?" I asked, frowning as I put the empty vial on the couch.

"She's starting to get her first teeth," Amy said, tickling Aludra. "That would explain why she's been so cranky. It hurts, doesn't it, love?"

"Aw," I cooed, leaning forward and kissing Aludra's cheek. "Soon you'll be able to eat big people food!"

"Not that soon," Amy said with a snort. "She's still got at least another six months of breastfeeding, and after that a lot of mush until she can eat soft foods."

"Humph," I said on my daughter's behalf. "Well, I guess I'll just have to think of lots of clever ways to distract you from that painful tooth, then, won't I?" I frowned slightly. "What do we have for her to teethe on?"

"I'll find something," Amy said, snuggling Aludra. "At least, I'll find something to make do until you get a chance to go out and buy her everything wizards have invented for teething little children."

I laughed.

"Well, I know what you're getting for Christmas, princess," I said, tapping Aludra on her little nose. "Teething rings, dolls, and your very first tooth!"

"The tooth won't be in by Christmas, Sirius."

"Don't underestimate our princess, Amy. If she wants the tooth by Christmas, she'll have the tooth by Christmas."

The tooth was not in by Christmas, although it was starting to peek through the gums more clearly.

"Ah, princess," I told Aludra in my wisest tone, "we need to teach you how to wish more forcefully for things. Nearly there, but not quite got it."

"What are you babbling on about?" Amy groaned, stretching as I sat down on our bed holding a half-awake Aludra, who, like her mother, seemed puzzled to have been woken up by me.

"Just secrets between me and my daughter," I teased, tapping Amy's bare toes, which weren't covered by the sheets. "Never you mind."

Amy rolled her eyes and yawned. I passed Aludra over to her.

"Oh, Sirius," she sighed, kissing Aludra's hair. "Her eyes have gotten so green in the last month."

"They're exactly the color of yours now, darling," I said, kissing her knees through the sheets. "She's going to be just like her beautiful mother."

"Mmm, Happy Christmas, Sirius," Amy moaned, stretching once more as Aludra sat up on her mother's lap.

"Happy Christmas, love."

"Dadadadadada."

I laughed.

"There, you see?" I said, kissing my girl's foot and running my finger along it until she giggled. "She wasn't being stubborn after all! She was saving it for Christmas. That's my clever little princess."

Sometimes, I could half convince myself of the ridiculous things I said about Aludra. What harm was there in believing that she was an incredibly talented and clever child? With parents like me and Amy, she no doubt was. I knew it frustrated Amy sometimes, but I liked to think of my daughter as perfect. I only had so long to believe it before she grew up enough to start proving me wrong. There were so few things to really believe in with the war that I would cling to Aludra's perfection as long as possible.

"C'mon," Amy said, a bit more awake as she sat up and pulled Aludra into her arms as she continued to babble. "Let's get this little princess ready for her first Christmas party, shall we?"

I grinned at her, leaning forward and kissing her lips eagerly.

Amy, smiling and confused, pulled away.

"What was that for?"

"That's the first time you've called her princess," I said happily. "At least, that I've heard. I…I was worried that maybe you…"

She frowned.

"That I what?"

I just smiled and shook my head.

Maybe it was illogical and unreasonable of me, but because I doted on Aludra incessantly and Amy was more reserved about it, sometimes I had fears that she didn't love Aludra as much as I did. And what with two more daughters on the way, it was something I'd been thinking about more and more all the time. She just smiled at me and I said, "All right, let's get her dressed."

Mrs. Potter had picked out Aludra's first Christmas frock, and although it was a bit frilly for my tastes – and seemingly for Aludra's as well – she did look like the very picture of an adorable little Christmas angel.

"Oh, Aludra, darling!" Mrs. Potter cried, taking my little girl in her arms as Aludra babbled on and on. "Oh, Sirius, she's just the most precious thing."

"Yes, she certainly is," I said as James poured drinks for the non-pregnant members of the party. "She's Daddy's little princess, aren't you love?"

"Dadadadada," Aludra babbled, grabbing at Mrs. Potter's collar curiously.

"When did she start saying that?" Lily asked, sitting down by the Christmas tree.

"Just this morning," Amy said with a smirk. "Sirius was convinced that it was meant as his Christmas present."

"And for some strange reason Amy insists it wasn't," I teased, kissing her cheek. "Here, Remus this is for you, from us."

"Sirius," Remus sighed. "Amy already sent me a present from all of you."

"I know," I said, pressing the parcel into his hands. "But we thought of something else you needed. Go on, Remus. Take it."

He sighed, looking down at the parcel in his hands. I winked at Amy, but she just shook her head and smiled.

It wasn't that it wasn't from both of us. She had technically agreed to give him the gift. Remus needed it, couldn't afford it, and we could. That was all I needed to become a virtual Father Christmas.

Remus seemed self-conscious about opening it in front of everyone, but he did so, the same way he'd always unwrapped parcels: slowly.

"Merlin, Remus, if you don't just rip the damn thing I'll open it myself," Amy snarled.

"Don't argue with a pregnant woman, Remus," James said urgently under his breath. "Just rip the wrappings."

Remus clearly did not feel comfortable doing so, but he seemed to agree with James about the foolishness of angering a pregnant woman.

He ripped the paper and opened the box and gasped. Tears came to his eyes.

"Sirius," he choked out. "Amy…."

"I know you wanted to see them one more time before you push them aside forever," Amy said softly. "And I don't judge you. I don't talk to my parents anymore, either. You're right, it's safer that way. But you should at least say goodbye."

"You're right," Remus sniffed. "I should. I haven't said this yet, but…my father wrote yesterday. My mother is dying."

I frowned.

We couldn't have gotten him a more timely train ticket, it seemed.

"Happy Christmas, Remus," I said, clapping his shoulder as he set down the box and took Aludra from Mrs. Potter.

"Mumumumum," Aludra babbled happily, throwing her little curled up fists around as Remus bounced her slightly.

"Happy Christmas," Remus replied, smiling at Aludra, who continued to babble contentedly. He seemed to be especially attached to her that night, and she to him, so I said nothing when he held her the remainder of the night, occasionally kissing her head affectionately as she sat on his lap, babbling to him her syllables as though she was saying something incredibly important.

And he listened to every syllable as if she were imparting words of great wisdom.


	22. Constant Vigilence

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to diligent reader and reviewer, **_**sarahmichellegellarfan1**_**. I hope you enjoy this chapter! :D**

** -C**

I was wiping Aludra's mouth of some particularly thick drool when Sirius came home with tears still in his eyes as he walked into the kitchen. I frowned at him.

"What is it?" I asked. "What happened? Lily and James-?"

"They're fine," Sirius said hollowly. "Caradoc Dearborn is missing."

My heart was pounding as I watched Sirius wipe his eyes and put the kettle on.

From his behavior, missing meant almost certainly dead. They just hadn't found the body yet. I could easily recall the face of Caradoc, who had been such a pleasant guest at our wedding. I hadn't met him many times, but the few times he'd visited the house he and Aludra had got on well, and I knew he and Sirius had really bonded from the first meeting Sirius had gone to. I reached out to touch Sirius's shoulder, but he shrugged me off.

"Dadadadada," Aludra babbled, and Sirius wiped his eyes again, turning and smiling sadly at Aludra, who reached out for him. He kissed her cheek, but he did not take her from my arms.

"Sirius…."

"He was suffering," Sirius said softly. "He had a sweetheart, you know, before I knew him."

I didn't have to ask why he didn't have the sweetheart anymore once Sirius had met him.

She was dead.

"She was pregnant," Sirius said, his voice rasping. "He told me the first day we met. When you were pregnant with Aludra I would stay up at night sometimes, terrified that Bellatrix would somehow manage to get you while I was away and…."

His voice cracked and Aludra actually began to cry at being more or less ignored by her father.

"Oh, princess," he sighed, pulling her into his arms and kissing her.

There were few things in the world Sirius couldn't stand. After all, he was immensely stubborn. But Aludra crying was definitely one of those things. I watched him and Aludra cry together as he attempted to soothe her, but she seemed to draw off her father's disposition and it only made it all worse. I didn't realize I was close to tears until the first one fell, and I quickly wiped it away.

One of us had to be free of tears, if only to comfort the other two.

"I'll finish the tea," I told Sirius. "You take Aludra and sit down. You look tired."

He did, too. I had said it mostly to get him to sit down, but he rubbed his eyes with his free hand and nodded. How much sleep had he been getting lately? It couldn't be nearly enough. I knew he would stay up sometimes and watch me sleep. My being pregnant made him anxious, especially with Albus's warning about the prophecy and our being potential targets, as if we hadn't been targets already.

"Have you thought of names yet?" Sirius asked when I brought tea out to him on the sofa. I took Aludra from his arms.

"I have some ideas," I said slowly. "But I haven't decided yet. Twins complicate naming."

"Why?" he asked before blowing across his tea. "Because you need more names?"

I shook my head, putting on a big smile while I bounced Aludra on my knee, trying to cheer her up. She'd stopped crying, but she was still looking at Sirius with obvious distress. Perhaps this was the first time she'd seen him not in good spirits, I realized, thinking back. It was quite a change, I had to admit to myself, and I couldn't blame Aludra for being upset. I could still recall the first time I'd seen Sirius upset about something when I was eleven. It had been horrifying.

"Not really," I said with a shrug. "There's that whole thing where you choose names that work with each other…"

"Like rhyming names?" Sirius said with his nose scrunching slightly. "Don't do that. Those are awful."

I laughed a little, and that seemed to make Aludra a little happier.

"Not rhyming names," I agreed. "I hate those. No, I was thinking like the same first letter."

Sirius tilted his head thoughtfully. He managed a better smile at his daughter, and she seemed incredibly heartened by this, reaching for him once more. He put the tea on the table and took her in his arms again, hugging her tightly, kissing her hair, which was still so fine, as mine had been for years.

"I feel like having siblings with similar names is one thing, but twins might be a bit…too much. They're already going to be confused enough if they're identical, right? Let's not make it complicated."

I nodded, thinking over my ideas for names.

"What if one of them has an 'A' name? They might end up looking like Aludra as well."

"Oh, I'd love that," he said with a genuine grin. "My three little princesses, looking just like their mum. That'd be lovely. No, I don't think it would be a problem. They won't have courses together or anything like that, right?"

He was better at this sort of thing than I would have given him credit for.

"I was thinking," I said slowly, "of using Arista for one of them."

"Arista," he said thoughtfully. "It's pretty. What would you call the other?"

"Lyra, maybe."

"Mmm, that's pretty too," he said, giving Aludra an animated grin. "Won't your baby sisters have pretty, pretty names?"

"Nanananana," Aludra began to babble happily.

They were star names, as Aludra's was, although not in Sirius's constellation. But especially as his brother and father were dead it seemed right to me to carry on that tradition to the next generation as much as possible.

Sirius would be melancholy again later, I knew, but the more I could distract him with our children the better. I didn't want Aludra to be upset every time Sirius was not in a good mood, but while that was what happened I wanted him to be happy as much as possible. I wanted her to think of Sirius as the happy person he was, the person he would have been if the war hadn't existed.

The next two weeks held even more pain for the Order, although there was some measure of joy in them as well. Sirius came home two weeks later covered in blood and with his eyebrows half burned off and I quickly put a mostly-sleeping Aludra down to bed and helped him into the shower.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Battle," he groaned. "Amy, love, I need burn paste when I get out, and you're going to have to heal the wound in my side before I go in."

Well, that explained where all the blood was coming from. We peeled off his clothes and I carefully Healed his side. There was a scar, though.

"Dark Magic," I muttered, touching the scar gently. "Oh, Sirius, what happened?"

"I'll tell you when I get out," he said, kissing my head. "I need to get all this grime off. And wash my burns before I…. Paste."

"Right," I muttered, and he turned on the water, climbing into the shower and immediately beginning to wash.

I went to the kitchen, which was where I kept the medical supplies because it was closer to the front door than the bathroom. I turned on the wireless, but there was some musical special, no news to be had. Turning it off again, I checked that the paste was still good before heading out to the sofa, where he would come to have it put on him, because the light was better.

There was a knock at the door.

I pulled out my wand and went to the door.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Open up, Black," Mad-Eye growled. "We need medical attention. Sirius said to come here and tell him how it went down."

I hesitated.

Why would Sirius say that?

And then I realized that he'd left before it had finished, so things must have been very bad. I touched my abdomen.

He was thinking like a father.

"Black!" Mad-Eye barked. "Unless you want Peter bleeding out on your front porch."

I swore and let them in, glaring at Mad-Eye until I noticed that a rather large chunk was missing from his face.

"Merlin, what _happened_?" I asked, beginning to Heal Peter first, who had been hit with the same curse that hit Sirius, from the looks of things.

"Where's Sirius?" Mad-Eye demanded, flicking a bit of bloody hair out of his good eye.

"Showering," I said, turning from Peter's wound to Mad-Eye's. "Hold still, please, or I'll poke you and you'll need a second magical eye."

"That might be useful," he said thoughtfully, and I rolled my eyes. Of course he would consider something as stupid as getting two magical eyes. Only he would be so ridiculous. I healed the wound, but there was a large chunk out of his face. I winced. "I don't need to be pretty, Black. I just need to be functional."

Well, he was functional, anyway, and Sirius came out into the living room wearing just a towel, drying his hair with another towel. I could see the scar on his side more clearly in the new light and I winced at that, as well. He frowned.

"Did we get them?"

"Yes, Dolohov is being carted off to Azkaban," Mad-Eye told him as I forced Sirius to sit on the sofa so I could apply the burn paste.

"The papers don't know about the Order involvement?"

"No, no, just the Aurors. Your identities are safe."

I rolled my eyes. As if there was anything secret about the Order of the Phoenix. It was the worst-kept secret in the entire wizarding world.

"The Potters are sorting out the dead and injured that couldn't leave the site," Mad-Eye growled. "We'll get a count any time now."

"Do you have any burns, Peter?" I asked, turning to the surprisingly silent Peter, who sat watching me put burn paste on Sirius.

He was considering this question when there was a knock at the door. Sirius made to get up, but I stopped him and went myself.

"Amy?" James said, knocking again. "Amy, let me in."

"For Merlin's sake, James," I groaned, letting him in, "don't be so impatient."

He blinked at the sight of Sirius in a towel in the middle of the front room with Mad-Eye and Peter sitting there.

"Amy?" Sirius said. "Amy, I need more burn paste. I've got another spot."

I sighed, hurrying over to Sirius and daubing paste on a new burn. He gave me an apologetic smile as James paced the room.

"Sit down, James," I said dryly. "If you wake Aludra, I'll have your head."

James scowled at me, but he did as I asked. He sat down and rubbed his temples.

After a moment of expectant silence, Peter managed to splutter out, "Sorry about the sofa."

We all looked up at him and blinked and I realized he was talking about the blood and dirt and soot and ash covering the sofa, now that he and Mad-Eye were sitting on it. I bit a spot on the inside of my mouth so that they couldn't see the urge to bite my lip.

"Well," I said with a shrug. "These things happen, Peter. It's not that big of a deal. I'll clean it when you've left." I frowned at Sirius. "I reckon it could use a good clean, anyway."

James made a small choking sound.

"Oh, not like that," I sighed. "Bloody hell, James, not everything Sirius and I talk about is somehow sexual."

"No," he said, wiping his eyes under his glasses. "No, I'm sorry. I wasn't even listening to you, Amy. I…. I'm only here to report on the dead and injured."

"Go on, then," Mad-Eye growled, and Sirius's hand clasped in mine. I frowned slightly.

Who did he think was hurt or dead? What had he seen before he came home? After Caradoc's loss….

"Plenty injured, including a bunch of innocents who got caught in the crossfire," James said darkly. "We managed to patch all of them up. Thankfully no Muggles in the vicinity…" I winced. Where was this battle? "But we've got a couple of good men dead."

Sirius tensed.

He had known, or at least suspected. I looked up at his face as James announced that Gideon and Fabian Prewett were dead.

"Bugger," Mad-Eye growled. "Who's going to tell their sister?"

"Not me," Sirius, James, and Peter all declared quickly. I raised my eyebrows.

I'd never met Molly Prewett, but I'd heard stories. Well, she wasn't Molly Prewett anymore. She had eloped and now she was Molly Weasley. Maybe it was because I hadn't met her, or maybe it was because I wasn't male, but I did not understand the fear these men had of her.

"Dumbledore will probably do it," I said, rolling my eyes. "He's good at that sort of thing, anyway."

Natalie had told me all about how he had explained Ashley Elizabeth's death. It was much better than the letter I had received from our mother, which all but told me that not only was my sister dead, but my mother was becoming a basket case.

We all nodded, and James wiped his eyes again, sniffing loudly.

"Would you all like some tea?" I said softly, thinking that James likely needed some. He was the one who shook his head, though.

"No, no," he said thickly. "Lily will be expecting me back…."

"I'll have a quick cup before reporting," Mad-Eye said darkly. "If all we have to report are the dead, they'll wait. They can't get any more dead than they are."

James sobbed a single, strangled sob as he made for the door, waving goodbye without saying a word.

For me, one of the worst things about the war was seeing the Marauders, these boys who had always seemed so invincible, grow into men who cried and broke down just like everyone else. It was one thing to see Sirius get emotional about our children, as a father. It was something entirely different to watch James Potter crying for the dead.

It was something different to know that friends of my friends were dead, people I barely knew but liked well enough.

"I'll make that tea, then," I muttered as the door closed behind him.

The tea was quick to make, and the three of them were still sitting awkwardly on the sofa when I returned, Sirius still in his towel. I raised an eyebrow at him as I dispersed the tea, but I did not bother telling him to put clothes on. Sirius was incredibly comfortable in his skin. Peter had seen Sirius naked often enough, and it wouldn't make a difference for Mad-Eye anyway.

They were peacefully drinking tea when I realized that there was a scar I hadn't seen before on Sirius's skin and I knew that it must have been from when he saved me from Remus in werewolf form, back in school. He'd been hiding the scar from me all these years….

But while it wasn't a particularly attractive scar, I had a scar of my own from that night. I rubbed my thigh absently and glanced at Sirius's fresh curse scar.

None of us were going to be perfect, not with a war like this. As long as he didn't come out of it looking like Mad-Eye, I really didn't mind. Hopefully Aludra and our twins would live a scar-free existence. It was the sort of luxury wizards were supposed to have, but one that could not be in a world like the one we lived in.

"How is the pregnancy?" Mad-Eye asked, fixing both eyes on me.

I smiled.

It was sweet, how protective Mad-Eye was Aludra, and it seemed that he'd already grown attached to the idea of the twins before they'd even been born.

"Harder than the last one," I admitted. "I feel tired most of the time, and having a baby already demanding most of my attention doesn't really help."

Mad-Eye nodded.

"They look strange in there," he said. "Not even like children yet, really."

I froze. I hadn't thought about the fact that he could see my children in my womb with that eye. Sirius tensed slightly, as well, and said, "Mad-Eye, it's great and all that you can tell that they're in there and whatever, but it's creepy to say it out loud."

I got the sense, from his tone, that Mad-Eye not realizing that he was being socially awkward or inappropriate was a regular occurrence, the sort that required frequent reminders. Peter shifted uncomfortably on the sofa, holding his tea.

And then Aludra began to cry. I sighed.

"I'll get her," Sirius said, kissing my forehead. "She can help me get dressed."

He returned with a sleepy-looking Aludra several minutes later, fully dressed finally, and he looked like he was about to hand Aludra to Mad-Eye, but I gave him a stern look.

"As much as I'm sure Mad-Eye and Aludra would love to catch up," I said pointedly, "he does happen to be covered in things I do not want our daughter coming in contact with until she's much older and preferably in a Potions class."

Mad-Eye laughed, and Aludra started, smiling sleepily at him as she turned to find the source of the noise.

"Pettigrew and I had best be off," Mad-Eye said. "We need to report the deaths, anyway. Have a quiet night, Sirius. I suppose good is too much to ask for."

"Night, Mad-Eye," Sirius said, and I walked the bloody, dirty men to the door.

"Mad-Eye, be honest with me," I said softly, hoping that Sirius was too preoccupied with Aludra to be listening. "Should I be afraid?"

He fixed me once more with both eyes before one of them trailed toward my abdomen and I shivered.

"You should be vigilant, Black," he said. "We should all be vigilant."


	23. Choices

**A/N: Sirius's POV, this chapter is dedicated to faithful fan **_**BritishBeauty x**_**. I hope the updates are improving your day!**

** -C**

"Who is this guy, anyway?" I asked James, shivering slightly. "What's the big deal about him?"

"He's a Death Eater," James said grimly. "That's the big deal. Sirius, why aren't you with Amy?"

"Why aren't you with Lily?" I countered, trying to keep my teeth from chattering.

James sighed.

He was going to tell me twins were different than just one child on the way, but he was wrong. Amy had Aludra if something happened to me. She had diversion and comfort. Lily was sitting home alone, pregnant, anxious, every time James left for an Order mission.

"Amy's magic is misfiring, Sirius," James said softly. "Lily's isn't." I shushed him, but he frowned at me. "Sirius, you can't just pretend it's not happening."

"Shut up, James," I hissed. "They're coming."

I could see the dark-haired man we were tailing as he walked forward through the snow.

We didn't have orders on what to do with him, exactly, other than make sure he didn't hurt anyone and report back to Dumbledore. My preferred way of making sure he didn't hurt anyone, though, was killing him.

"We should get Frank," James whispered. "Frank can arrest him. It would be perfect."

"If you send a Patronus now he'll see it and we'll be screwed," I warned.

James frowned.

"I know what you're thinking, Padfoot, but we can't."

I growled slightly.

"Think of what he's done, James."

"Ten seconds ago, you were complaining that you didn't know who he was."

"Ten seconds ago I was freezing and pouting," I snarled. "I know what he's done, even if I can't remember his name. Blowing up an entire Muggle family. The Ministry worker he killed and gutted last week had a family, James. And the woman he killed yesterday? She was pregnant, Lily told me." I swallowed a mouthful of cold air. "It could have been…."

"It wasn't Amy, Sirius," James said sympathetically. "And it wasn't Lily either."

"But it could have been."

"Sirius, you can't go around taking every death personally. You'll drive yourself mad! Look, let's just wait until he turns the corner, then you tail him – don't attack him, for Merlin's sake! – and I'll send a message to Frank. We'll make sure he suffers, Sirius. Death is too quick an end for a man like him. Let the dementors take care of his pain."

James was right, of course, so I nodded, swallowing another mouthful of the icy air and watching as the man turned the corner.

"Go," James hissed.

It had been so long since I'd last moved that it hadn't occurred to me that moving again might be difficult. I did as bid, slinking forward in the darkness. I could hear James murmuring the messenger Patronus onward into the night as I kept the Death Eater in sight. Frank would want this man to suffer too.

Frank would think of Alice, as I had thought of Amy and James had thought of Lily. We'd become a trio of fathers, the three of us. We saw the world in much the same way, anymore.

The man stayed in my sight, stopping to light a cigarette between his gloved fingers. Those were dragonhide gloves, which was a bit ridiculously over-zealous for everyday use. That is, unless you were lighting up cigarettes on every other street corner. I felt James come up behind me, smelling the scent that told me for certain it was him. Animal instincts were a life and time saver in this environment of constant war.

"Frank is on his way. Should we Stun him? You remember Dolohov. It would be nice if they had it easy, for a change."

I considered this for a moment. If we Stunned him while he was just standing there, smoking, in the middle of the street…

"Let's move in closer, first," I muttered. "Don't want to alarm the Muggles. Let's make it look like he's fainted or something."

"Right," James said, sliding his wand back up his sleeve. I did the same, pulling my scarf over my face. If he saw us approaching and recognized us, he'd have time to Disapparate.

He was facing the other way, though, and when I was about six paces from reaching him, James muttered the spell.

I managed to move forward quickly enough to catch the man as he fell and put out his cigarette in the snow. A few Muggles stopped and looked in alarm and I uncovered my face and used the scarf to fake fan him.

"It's all right," I said. "I'm a H-doctor. He's just fainted. Probably the cold. Come on, James, let's get him warmed up."

When the people seemed satisfied and went about their business, James gave me a small smirk.

"Nice cover," he muttered. We heard the crack of Apparition and Frank and his partner walked around the corner a moment later.

"That's Karkaroff, alright," Frank said with a tight grin. "He's not…?"

"Just Stunned," James said with a similar tight smile. "We'll leave him in your capable hands, gentlemen."

"How did you know where he was?" Frank's partner asked. "Or that we were looking for him?"

I snorted.

"We were out for pastries, mate," I said disparagingly. "Our wives are pregnant. They get cravings. And we knew you wanted him because we read the papers like everybody else. Good to know our safety is in your _capable_ hands."

"Piss off, Sirius," Frank said, rolling his eyes. "Give my best to Amy. Alice has started misfiring too, so I know how you feel."

I nodded. It wasn't that I didn't want to go back to my wife, but I was going to miss the rush of being on a mission. Still, James and I parted once Karkaroff was dragged off and I Disapparated back home, where Amy was rocking a dozing Aludra.

It stung, maybe a bit more than it should have, that my little girl didn't stay up to all hours of the night for me to tuck her in anymore.

Every fight got just a bit harder, on some of us more than others. Mad-Eye had already given chunks of his body to the cause, including an eye and a leg. He'd nearly given the other eye, and I wondered if someday I might not end up like that as well, but I didn't want to think like I wasn't invincible, because it was a reminder of how greatly I could fail Amy.

Amy and the girls.

I was already starting to think of the twins by the names Amy had chosen, although she'd not chosen middle names yet. We hadn't even agreed which name would be for the older one. I was still a bit in denial that there would be an older one, and that they wouldn't just both come out at once. In some ways, it would be so much easier that way.

"What are you going to do," James asked me while we had an Order lunch at headquarters after a meeting, "if you can't tell them apart? What if they literally look identical?"

"I'll figure out something," I said with a shrug. "And Amy's pretty clever I expect she's already got some kind of plan."

There was an alarm and we all looked around.

Raid.

"C'mon," I said, dropping my fork and grapping my cloak. "Let's go."

James, Remus, Peter and I arrived at the raid just as Frank was thrown back into some crates.

"Check on him, Pete!" James cried, rolling up his sleeves and heading into the mess.

"Keep your eyes sharp, Sirius," Mad-Eye called at me. "We've only got two of them, but they're Disillusioned!"

I growled.

It wasn't as effective as James's Invisibility Cloak, of course, but Disillusionment would stay on in a battle when a cloak wouldn't.

"Duck!" Remus roared.

It was good to have a werewolf and Mad-Eye on your side in fights like this. The Muggle warehouse was already a terrible place to have a wizarding battle, but when only subtle shifts in the air around you would indicate the position of your attacker, the keen hearing and sharp sight of Remus was an immeasurable asset.

Still, Mad-Eye got hit with a nasty curse in the face, and it took another twenty minutes of him fighting while bleeding before we finally apprehended and made again visible Wilkes and Rosier. I kicked Rosier for good measure, knowing Frank wouldn't let me do more.

"C'mon," I said, watching as Frank Disapparated with the two Death Eaters. I had Mad-Eye by the arm. "Let's see how much of your face my wife can save."

"Bless her," Mad-Eye growled before we Disapparated and I let us in to the house, where Amy was not to be seen I could hear her bathing Aludra.

"Amy!" I called. "I'll take over with Aludra! Moody needs Healing out here!"

She hurried out with her wand in hand, a wet patch down her front, and I siphoned dirt off my clothes as I rushed into the bathroom to bathe my daughter in her mother's absence.

"Hey, there, princess!" I said to my puzzled daughter, who was looking around the bathroom like she didn't know what to do with her soap water and bath toys. "What do we have here?" I picked up the plastic floating boat, tapped it with my wand, and set it back in the water. It began to move around her and she giggled with delight, trying to catch it, like me when I chased my tail except biting the boat might help with her teething more than it would hurt. When I bit my tail, it wasn't a pleasant feeling, and yet I kept chasing it. It was strange, how dog reflexes could overcome my human thoughts at times.

"Sirius," Amy called from the front room, "can you put Aludra to bed and come back out here, please? I'm going to need a hand."

"Yes, love!" I turned back to Aludra, who was splashing and babbling as she tried to get the boat. "C'mon, princess. Time for sleep. Let's dry you off, darling."

I drained the tub and pulled her tiny body out of it, drying her off as she giggled. I dressed her in her pajamas and put her in bed, kissing her forehead before hurrying back out to Amy, who was still trying to stay the bleeding.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Did you hear what the curse was?" she demanded. "I can't…can't…"

"All right, let's calm down," I said, touching her shoulder. She was shaking. "Amy, calm down. We just need to stop the bleeding, right?"

"I can't!" she cried. "I don't know what to do, Sirius!"

"Here," I sighed, "I'll focus on cleaning on the blood. You focus on figuring out the rest, all right?" She nodded, but her hand was still shaking.

"Breathe, Black," Mad-Eye rasped. Amy took a deep breath and I began siphoning off the blood carefully so that she could get a better look at the wound. After about fifteen minutes, we managed to stop the bleeding, and then she set about Healing the wound as best she could.

"I'm afraid quite a lot of the nose is gone," Amy said.

I had to admit, if Mad-Eye had looked grim before, he was terrifying with so much of his face gone. Mad-Eye patted Amy's shoulder comfortingly.

"As I've said, Black. No need to look pretty. I'll leave that to you and your daughters."

Amy gave a shaky, watery laugh and wiped her tear-filled eyes.

"Amy," I said gently, but it was Mad-Eye who comforted her.

"You did what you could, Black," he said, standing. "I'll live. That's the important thing."

He clapped me on the shoulder and left to file his paperwork at the Ministry.

"He's going to be okay," Amy said, shivering as I sat on the couch and pulled her onto my lap. "He's going to be fine. Right?"

"Right, darling," I said, putting my hand on her abdomen, kissing her neck. "Everything's going to be fine."

I related the incident to James over drinks at his place while Lily and Amy had a night to themselves with Aludra.

"It's bound to happen from time to time, mate," James said with a sad shrug. "It's good that these things bother her still. The rest of us, we've all become so…callous to it. We see so much death and suffering."

"Too much," I agreed, nodding, looking down at my drink. "I just hate to think how hard it's going to be when there are three girls for her to look after when I'm on missions."

James quirked an eyebrow at me and poured more drinks as I finished mine.

"You know," he said softly, "it doesn't have to be that way. You know the offer Dumbledore's going to give you. I mean, he gave it when Aludra was born, but you know he'll give it again. Amy would like to have you there, mate."

"The war needs me," I said shaking my head.

Yes, Dumbledore could offer protection and we could go into hiding. Perhaps we would be safe, or safer. It was such a risk, but how could I forgive myself if something happened to the others because I hid?

"Pads, the war is going to go on with or without you fighting. What would you do if you lost her, lost all of them?"

"You think I don't think about that every day?" I asked, clenching my hand around the glass. I thought of it many times a day. I couldn't even handle Mr. Potter's death without Amy to hold me, to be with me. If I lost her….

"I'm just saying, it's something you should strongly consider," James pressed. "You know it's only a matter of time before they come for you."

With a snort, I shot back my drink and felt the firewhisky burn my throat. I cleared my throat slightly.

It was strange that they hadn't come for me yet. Lucius Malfoy had sent me a letter, but I'd burned it without opening it, mostly because I hadn't had time to read it and I didn't want Amy to find it. I didn't know what it might say, but it couldn't be anything good.

"Have you or the Longbottoms heard anything more?" I asked.

"No," James sighed, running his fingers through his hair, something he'd stopped doing when we left school except when he was exceptionally nervous. "No, the protections have either been very effective, or Voldemort really is waiting to see when our children are born. I'm not sure which thought bothers me more, to be honest."

I nodded.

At school, the war had seemed exciting, something that our joining could be brought to a swift and prosperous close. I would aid the downfall of Voldemort and Amy and I would live happily ever after with a dozen children and a duck called Cyril. Or maybe without the duck. I really didn't mind either way.

"Where do you think Caradoc is?" I finally asked. "I mean, he's dead. I know he is. But do you think they did something with his body?"

"I know they didn't bury him, whatever they did," James said darkly. "You can't just think of Caradoc all the time, you know. He was great, but he gave his life to the cause. Don't follow him, Sirius. He would want you to learn from his mistakes."

Caradoc's mistakes…. Losing his love and their unborn child, and then recklessly throwing himself into Order work to deal with his grief and his pain. James was trying to point out that I hadn't made those mistakes yet, but that if I didn't hide away, they would be my mistakes as well. Maybe he was right. Maybe I should at least more strongly consider going into hiding.

"Tell you what," I said with a smile, "if Voldemort or Bellatrix or someone equally awful approaches me, or if we have another kid, I'll go into hiding. Okay?"

James frowned, hesitating.

"Why are you working this out with me?" he asked. "I mean, I'm glad you're thinking about it and talking about it and everything, but…shouldn't this be something you talk out with Amy?"

I outwardly ignored the question, grabbing the firewhisky bottle and pouring myself another drink. To me, at this point, talking it out with Amy was out of the question. I wasn't sure if she was in any more danger, not knowing, but I didn't want her knowing just how bad the war had gotten. I wanted her to believe that we were either winning, or had some chance to win. Some days, I believed it too, like the day we took in Wilkes and Rosier.

Except then I looked at Mad-Eye's face, or all the empty seats at the table at headquarters. I was in no position to say exactly that we were losing. Only Dumbledore could really judge the situation on that level.

But I could tell we weren't winning. I knew we weren't winning, and yet I let Amy believe we were when she could. I told myself most days that it was for her health, for the babies, but that was only part of it. If Amy believed we were winning, then when I came home and it was just us, I could almost believe it too.

What would I have left to believe if we were in hiding?

I decided James was right, though, as I poured us both more drinks. To not put hiding on the table, just in case, and to write it off completely was foolish. I couldn't afford to be Caradoc. I had so much more to lose. Amy, three children soon.

If I lost them, if I lost her, I would probably kill myself. What would it matter, then, if the war was won or lost? Everything would be lost to me, without her.

"Cheers, mate," James said, grinning at me.

"Cheers," I muttered, throwing the drink back and downing it in one.


	24. Second Stage

**A/N: Vanessa's POV, this chapter is dedicated to **_**BeatrizBlasphemy**_**, who has joined the ride. Thanks for joining!**

** -C**

"What's that?"

I rolled my eyes at Jack as he put marmalade on his toast. I drank down the awful potion Severus had given me to drink and I coughed.

"It's a letter," I snarled. "What does it look like?"

He raised his eyebrows at me, but I didn't really care if I hurt his feelings anymore. He let me do whatever I wanted as long as we were alone since I'd started taking the potions. They made my inhibitions lower, and I was so depressed and angry that it was hard for me not to lash out.

"Who is it from, Vanessa?" he said with tense, strained patience.

"My mother," I said lazily, unsealing it and letting my eyes run over the parchment.

I began to cry as I read, crumpling the parchment slightly as I clenched my hand around the letter.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I lied. I set the parchment down on the table and said, "My potion is making me feel unwell. I think I need to lie down."

Jack said nothing as I left the room, hurrying up to bed where I threw my hairbrush at the mirror of my vanity and then collapsed into bed, sobbing.

Jeffery marrying that awful Susan Snow was a betrayal I could endure. My brother and I had never been particularly close, certainly, and I hadn't had to have the odious woman in my wedding. I had even found a way out of going to my brother's wedding.

But her having a child?

So it was a daughter. That was some small consolation, of course, but a daughter could be followed by a son.

My mother did not know of my condition. Perhaps she sent this letter to tell me what she thought was good news, or even to encourage me to work harder toward having my own children. Whatever the reasoning, all I wanted was to throw things at my mother. And my awful sister-in-law.

There was a knock at the door.

"Go away," I cried, but apparently too much sob was in my voice, because Jack only hesitated a moment before entering with the crumpled letter in hand.

"Vanessa," he said softly.

"Leave me alone," I howled, rolling over onto my side, curling up. He sighed, sitting down beside me, placing his hand on my side.

"Vanessa, please, sit up."

"Why?"

"Because I want to talk to you and I won't do it while you're being like this."

"How am I supposed to be?" I cried, wiping my eyes and sitting up. "Amy is a planet with two more children inside her, Evans is pregnant, Alice Longbottom is pregnant, I have to care for Narcissa in her massive state of pregnancy, and now Susan has a _daughter_? Jack, this isn't just about my pride! I will _die_ if I cannot have a child!"

No one had ever exactly said as much, but the look that flashed in his eyes at my outburst confirmed my fears.

If I did not conceive a child, if I could not improve under Severus's regimen…Voldemort would kill me, presumably in order to make it possible for Jack to marry someone fertile without having the shame of divorce. I shivered and began to sob again.

"Vanessa, Severus said you can't fight the potions," he said unhelpfully, smoothing a curl as I fell back onto the bed and turned away from him once more. "You're supposed to keep yourself from getting upset."

"Have you ever tried that?" I countered. "How am I supposed to not be upset when everywhere around me everyone is getting pregnant but me?"

Jack did not answer for a long time, merely petting me as I cried. When I had calmed slightly he leaned down and whispered, "Focus your efforts on your revenge, Vanessa. Focus on what you have control over and don't worry too much about the potions and the children. If you die, you die, but you want to enact this revenge, yes?"

He was right. There was nothing I could do to improve the chances of success with Severus's endeavors. I had to be passive and wait on that regard. But I could still move forward my own plans, whether or not I was waiting for my death.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" I asked as I sat up, wiping my eyes. There was something strange in his expression for just the tiniest hint of a moment, but then he smiled slightly and it was gone.

He shook his head and said, "No, Vanessa. Now, you need to remember that you're watching after Narcissa tonight while I'm at the meeting. Will you be all right to do that, or should I suggest someone else for the night?"

As much as I hated being around pregnant women, it would look bad for Jack if I could not handle it. Even more than I needed things to look good for him as his wife, I needed to be a proper wife for him so that I could keep my life.

"No, no I'll be fine," I said. "I'll just…take a bath or something and it'll be better."

"No baths, remember?" Jack said with a frown. "Until you reach the second stage of potions."

"Right, right," I sighed, rubbing the heel of my palm into my forehead. Everything in my life was upside down. "A shower, then."

"You'll be all right," Jack said, kissing her cheek. "I'm going to be in the garden if you need me until the meeting. I've got some things to go over. My mother is away, so you don't have to worry about her disturbing you again today."

"Thank you," I said, watching him leave the room.

As soon as he was gone I stood, rubbing my eyes and waving my wand to clean up and repair my vanity mirror. There was still a small crack, but Charms had never been my strong suit. I frowned. Narcissa, at least, would be sensitive where my mother could not.

Narcissa was incredibly large, larger, it seemed, than she'd been when I cared for her the week before. She needed someone to look over her other than an elf when Lucius was away because of her misfiring magic and her inability to move very well unassisted.

"I wasn't built for having children," Narcissa lamented as I helped her onto her bed. "I hope it's a healthy, strong son so I don't have to do this again. Even Lucius says he regrets how hard this is on me and, well, you know Lucius."

I nodded. Lucius wasn't exactly thoughtful.

"How are the potions coming along?" Narcissa asked as I brushed her hair. It was unfair how beautiful and soft it was. I frowned, wondering if she used something to make it so perfect or if her hair, like Sirius's, was just naturally perfect. I suspected it was the latter, and I was very, very jealous.

"They're arduous," I admitted. "They taste terrible, they make me feel awful, and sometimes they actually make me sick."

I said nothing of the inhibitions or the depression. I didn't want her pity, not for my real problems. I had more of it than I wanted, anyway.

"Would you help me moisturize my stomach?" Narcissa asked. "My mother is having me use this oil, says it will reduce stretch marks." She wrinkled her nose. "You would think there would be a spell or potion to get rid of them entirely, but I suppose even magic cannot do everything."

It was true, someone should have come up with something, but they were too busy trying to find ways to solve the impossible, like flying, to think about things that were more applicable, like stretch marks.

"Sure," I sighed, grabbing the oil from her bedside as she pulled her robes apart so that I could see her skin.

The bulging belly made tears well up. I would not cry, not in front of Narcissa. Instead, I touched some droplets onto my fingertips, rubbing it gently on her thin skin.

Even with the child inside of her, her skin was soft and supple, strangely translucent like bone china. The bulge was firm and strong. As I ran my hands along the skin, coating it with a thin layer of oil, I felt the child moving inside of her. It was eerie, disconcerting. I looked up at her eyes with surprise.

"He likes it when someone touches my stomach," she said softly. Lucius touches my stomach every night before bed in order to feel his son. He's very pleased."

I would have been angry with her if not for the bitter bent of her tone and the cold turn of her lips. She was certainly a Black. That expression seemed to be hereditary.

"Every pureblooded man desires a wife who can give him sons," I said hollowly. "I expect your son will have a very wonderful life. Perhaps Lucius will even marry him to Sirius's daughter."

Narcissa put her thin, frail hand over my oil-covered hand and I froze.

"Vanessa, there is still time. Severus said you are only in the first stages. It would be impossible to see improvement so soon." She smiled sympathetically. "Perhaps you will have sons someday, too. Healthy, strong sons to make Jack proud."

"And the Dark Lord," I choked. "They must please the Dark Lord or I am dead, sons or no."

Narcissa and I exchanged knowing looks.

She wanted nothing to do with the Death Eaters, but it was her only way of surviving, as Lucius's wife.

"When do you begin the second stage?" she asked softly, her gray eyes wide with kindness that I didn't really feel I wanted or deserved.

"Severus is supposed to bring the second stage of potions tomorrow," I said measuredly. "When he comes to check on me, and I will begin them on the morrow as well, if there are not complications."

"How likely are complications?"

I shrugged.

"He said he doesn't expect them, but he has to check anyway. If he doesn't follow everything to the letter, I might just die anyway, and then it would all be for nothing."

Narcissa's son pressed his foot against my hand and I looked down at her stomach.

"Have you named him yet?" I asked, running my finger along her belly.

"We have a few ideas," Narcissa said thoughtfully. "I'm rather partial to Draco, personally, but Lucius wants to name him for his father."

I wrinkled my nose. Abraxas was a terrible name.

"I prefer Draco," I admitted. "If I had a son…." I frowned looking down at the hand he was kicking at. "If I had a son, I would name him for Jack, I suppose. It's not a bad name."

"No," Narcissa agreed. "No, it's not." She bit her lip. "You know, my cousin may see himself as a blood traitor, but Peter apparently suggested that the twins are likely to have star names as well, following the family tradition. I think that's a good sign."

I raised my eyebrows.

"A sign of what?" I asked. "That he's still attached to his family?"

"That he's not too far away to be brought back," she said with a small smile. "With the proper incentives, of course. Lucius knows I don't want them to hurt the children, at the very least. Amy could be kept safe until she has given birth if she must be killed. But I think that keeping her alive would keep him in line."

Everyone seemed to have a theory about how to best get Sirius to join the Death Eaters, but I knew him and Amy better than they did. The stubbornness was absolutely lethal, and could spell the end of them. The important thing was to ensure that we had the children, to continue the Black line in any way possible. He was the last male, so if they could have a son first perhaps, but if not, it would continue through his daughters' marriage.

Severus came, as always, precisely on time the following morning with a box full of potions. I eyed the box anxiously as he set it down on the sitting room table.

"How have the side effects been?" he drawled, pulling out his wand.

"Uncomfortable," I said smoothly back, looking up into his black eyes. Jack had obviously told him of how I had been responding to the medicine. What else did he possibly need to know?

"Indeed," he said, his lips turning into a smirk, although not an entirely unkind one. "Very well. Shift your robes, please."

I did as bid, allowing him access to touch his wand to my abdomen, and I felt a strange squirming feeling in my stomach as he murmured a spell. Swallowing, I glanced down at him.

He pulled his wand away and looked up.

"Improvement," he said slowly, "but not enough. It is enough to begin the second stage, but you must be careful. No exertion that is unnecessary, and you should not leave the Manor except to visit Narcissa, I think. Anything else would be too strenuous."

"Really?" I drawled. "Is it really necessary to be so disgustingly over-cautious?"

"If I say it is necessary," he murmured in his low, dangerous voice, "then it is necessary. Understood?"

I nodded, but I didn't like the way he spoke to me. Still, of all the Death Eaters I had to come in contact with, Severus treated me the best, especially with the spreading news of my…situation. It wasn't barrenness, not exactly, but to many in my set it was as good as, even with Severus's careful attention to fixing me.

To my horror, I had become a bit of a joke in a set where I had hoped to be the next great matriarch.

"Any change in the expected side-effects?" I asked as he handed me my first vial of the second stage.

"No, it will be much of the same," he said. "Perhaps a bit less intense than in the first set, but the same sorts of issues."

I drank the vial and handed the empty glass back to him, spluttering slightly. He stared at me, unfazed.

"Well," I finally managed to say, "it doesn't taste as awful as the first set, either."

He merely stared at me for a long moment before saying, "I must ask you something."

"Then ask it."

"Why do you put up with Pettigrew?" Severus asked. "He will destroy not only those you hate, but those you love as well, given the chance. I think he would destroy those he loved if he thought it would earn him a safer position."

I sighed.

What I had expected to be an interrogation on my health and habits took a very fast turn to the unexpected.

What he said about Peter was true. There was a reason the boy was not Sorted into Hufflepuff. But I thought I had a fairly good handle on him.

"He does what he's told as long as you know what he wants," I said with a small smirk, tapping my fingernails on the arm of the chair. "And I happen to know what he wants."

"He wants Black dead and Black's wife for himself," Severus drawled. "Any fool would know that at this point. But you cannot offer him what he wants, Vanessa, what he _truly_ wants. And when you cannot satisfy him, he will turn elsewhere. Yes, he is charmed by your beauty and attention, as he was by others before, but it is not beauty that will hold his loyalty. It is power."

My throat closed slightly and I found it hard to swallow. Power, I had found, was something that I very much lacked at the moment. For women who were not Bellatrix Lestrange, all our power seemed to lie in our ability to make heirs, and I did not have that ability. But I did not want to believe that Peter was so single-minded that he could be so easily swayed. I was confident that he was still in love with Amy, even though she was clearly lost to him.

I had to have control over him. If I didn't….

"Will that be all, Severus?" I asked, working to stand. Severus stopped me and helped me back into the chair when I stumbled.

"Do not get up for at least half an hour after taking one of these potions," he said sternly. "Forgive me. I should have mentioned it before. The dizziness is extreme, as you just experienced. It will fade when you've taken them more regularly, but especially at first, be very careful."

"Yes, thank you," I said, waving him off. He backed away from me, his expression unchanged. His dark eyes were almost icy in their indifference. "Anything further?"

"No," he said honestly. "That will be all."

"Have a good day, Severus," I sighed, rubbing my temples. "I trust you know your way out."

He bowed slightly, put his wand away, and left me alone in the room. Predictably, twenty minutes later, Jack knocked on the door to find me still sitting in the chair, afraid to stand once more.

"How did it go?" he asked, glancing at the potions. I shrugged and stood slowly. The dizziness was gone.

"They taste slightly less vile and make me exceptionally dizzy at first," I admitted. "But he says I show enough improvement to be in the second stage, so that at least is a positive sign.

"Indeed," he said slowly. "Be certain that you do not hurt yourself with this dizziness, Vanessa. Do not take these outside of my presence. Understood?"

"Perfectly," I said dryly, wondering when I had lost a husband and gained a babysitter. He hardly ever touched me in a sexual way since discovering my situation. I vaguely wondered if he didn't have a mistress, or some whore he visited when he finished on missions. But it didn't matter. Even if he did, there was nothing I could do to make him want me again.

What could be more repulsive than a wife with a twisted womb?


	25. Winning

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to new reader and reviewer, **_**IchoseSlytherin**_**. I hope you continue to enjoy the ride!**

** -C**

_The Daily Prophet_ sat on the kitchen table, mocking me as it did every morning. It was getting worse and worse. Sirius told me that things were getting better, that they weren't exactly winning, but that they weren't losing.

But I looked at those words on that waste of print and I couldn't decide what to believe.

"Amy?" he called, frowning as he popped his head into the kitchen, Aludra in his arms. "What's up with you?" Then he smiled at me slightly, glancing down at my absolutely massive belly.

The twins were very, very active, much like their father. When he touched me, they went mad, kicking and pushing and making me have to pee at best, causing me exceptional discomfort at worst. It seemed like even his looking at me caused them to stir.

"So many dead," I muttered, looking down at the paper with disgust. "And I'm sure this isn't even the whole picture."

Sirius frowned moving into the room and glancing down at the paper. He sighed with relief.

"Love, most of these are recycled stories. There are only three new deaths on this page. The paper's trying to scare you."

I shook my head.

Sirius could tell me all he liked that there was nothing wrong, that I shouldn't feel like we were losing, but I didn't believe him. I found myself struggling to walk over to make tea, though, and Sirius helped me to sit in the nearest chair and then handed me Aludra while he made tea.

"There, now," he said happily. "Can we have our little girls soon? I'm getting too excited to wait. I want them out now."

"Don't," I groaned as he touched my belly again and both girls scrambled inside of me to kick at it. "Ugh, they kick when you do that. I've told you."

"Sorry," he said sheepishly, setting the tea in front of me on the table and taking Aludra back. "I just get so excited. Do you think they'll come early?"

"Lily says it's likely, with twins," I said, yawning. "Oh, and can you stop sleeping cuddling my belly? It keeps me up all night."

He winced. I did feel bad, asking him to essentially give up everything he loved doing, but it was driving me crazy.

"Please," I sighed. "There's only a little while left of this pregnancy and I'd rather not be spending every moment of it in discomfort."

"Sorry," he said, picking up her hand and kissing it. "I just…I just love knowing they're coming soon. And it's become something of a habit, like how when you're not pregnant you would hug that pillow to your chest while you slept. It's comforting, right?"

I supposed he was right. There was something comforting about my belly and its obnoxious size. There was something comforting about the constant presence of our little girls.

"Do you have middle names yet?" he asked, blowing on his own tea as he set Aludra down on the floor to play with the blocks she'd left there.

I glanced down at the paper.

"This one," I said, pointing at a name in one of the articles of a little girl who had been murdered with her whole family by who the Aurors suspected was Bellatrix Lestrange.

"Noela," he muttered looking through the article and wincing. "Is that really something you want to remind yourself of, love, every time you write out or use our daughter's full name?"

"Yes," I whispered.

Full names were used when reprimanding, and when I reprimanded my little girls, I wanted to remember how lucky I was to have them in the first place, to keep me from being as hard on them as my own parents sometimes were on me.

"Very well, then," Sirius said with a sigh. "It is a pretty name. And it's only a middle name. Not a constant reminder, I suppose. Which first name do you want to pair it with?"

I frowned. I hadn't thought of that bit. I looked down at the name, trying to picture it and hear it beside the first names I'd chosen. It was a harder thing than I'd expected, but I finally settled on one.

"Arista Noela," I whispered. "Arista Noela Black."

Sirius nodded thoughtfully, leaned forward, and kissed my temple.

"I love you, Amy," he whispered, his eyes burning. "I know sometimes I'm gone more than I should be and I take risks that maybe someone else could take, but I love you, and I love our daughters, and everything I do, every decision I make, I make because I feel it's the right thing to do for all of us. I…I just need you to know that."

I licked my lips and nodded, but part of me wanted to ask if he had thought about how afraid I was, if we actually had a prayer of winning this war or not. But in such a beautiful moment, I didn't want him to lie to me.

"I know, love," I said, smiling at him, blowing on my tea. "I love you, too."

The smile on his face was so brilliant, so proud, that I couldn't bring myself to mention my fears, despite their raging just under the surface of my happiness.

"Now," I sighed, stretching a little. "Do you think you can get me some pickles and pistachios today?"

He gave me a half-perturbed, half-adoring look that had come to grace all discussion of strange requests for cravings. He found my cravings amusing, I knew, but I saw no amusement in them.

Sirius got the requested items and then helped me onto the couch. I'd been playing with Aludra, but even that wore me out with how large I had become.

"Here," he said, helping me recline in a way that was acceptable for my stage of pregnancy, and then handing me my requested snacks. "I'll play with the princess. You rest, love."

He kissed my forehead and I just smiled and watched, crunching a pickle between my teeth.

Aludra had begun to crawl in the last month. Sirius's eyes on the day when she'd first gone from swaying back and forth on her hands and knees to actually crawling forward toward him had been filled with tears of joy and pride.

We were also quite proud with the array of teeth she had grown. She had ten already, including the two lower molars. Since we were beginning the process of weaning her, it was good that she had so many teeth, although teething seemed as painful and irksome for her as it had reportedly been for me as a child.

She could interactively play with the blocks with her father by this point as well, and would take the things he offered her. When he brought her new toys, she would poke at them experimentally before taking them. And their block play involved actual building instead of just banging together and chewing. Aludra had begun to figure out the process of stacking blocks and making things. They weren't well-developed structures, but it was always interesting to see what Sirius made of them. Usually he called it a castle for the princess, but sometimes he was a bit more creative.

Aludra crawled over to the sofa at her father's request that she go and say hello to Mummy, and she pulled herself to her feet using the sofa.

"Look at that, clever girl," Sirius said, his voice thick with pride. She giggled at the praise.

"That's my clever little girl," I sighed as she moved closer to me, side-stepping.

"Mumumum," she babbled happily at me. "Mumumum."

"That's right," he said, wiggling over toward her and hugging her. "That's Mummy."

"Mumumum."

I smiled and looked at her happy face. There was nothing that made her happier than knowing that her father was pleased. They drew mutual pleasure from the pleasure of the other. I wondered what would happen to their perfect relationship on the day when Aludra realized that her father was not perfect. Or vice versa. I could see them both as they were, but they were so enamored with each other that neither of them saw flaws or faults in the other. Aludra's blindness was understandable. She could only understand the most basic of commands. Sirius's blindness was much more troubling.

"How do you feel, Mummy?" Sirius said happily.

"Mummy has to pee," I muttered. "Can you help me to my feet? I can manage from there."

"You're sure?" Sirius asked, helping me up. "Because I can walk you all the way there and help you…."

"Sirius," I sighed, "please just let me do one thing for myself. It's hard enough I can't even get up on my own."

It bothered him that I was upset at the state of my own inability to do anything. He liked to point out that he'd cared for me in this way before, but it was different. I hadn't been a verifiable whale then. I hadn't been fully aware of what a burden I was. I'd had a virus in my brain for Merlin's sake! That was nothing like having children in my womb and being too large to properly function.

When I was standing, I waddled to the bathroom, ignoring the way Sirius stared at me as Aludra babbled on tunefully, very likely tugging at her father's trouser leg to get his attention.

I sat down on the toilet and just sighed, cursing my incredibly tiny bladder. It hadn't been this bad when there was just the one, just Aludra.

Sometimes I was so overwhelmed by it all that I actually would cry, but this was not one of those days. I had a sneaking suspicion that Sirius was standing right outside the bathroom door, listening to make sure I was okay and didn't actually need his help. It wasn't that he was over-protective. I actually rather appreciated the attention and help most of the time, but there were certain things that made me feel helpless, like not being allowed to make my own tea, or not being able to play with my daughter as he could. Aludra didn't seem to mind. She found my belly fascinating.

I decided, though, as I stood again, making myself ready to go back out and recline on the couch once more, that Sirius was going to give me answers when we talked later. I was going to find out what was happening in the war. Nothing he wasn't allowed to tell me, of course. General things. I would stick to general questions he would be allowed to answer, but things he'd been keeping from me. I fixed my hair and nodded at my reflection. That would be the best plan, I decided.

Sirius had scrambled back to playing with Aludra at some point before I came out again. He smiled at me while Aludra hit him on the leg with a block.

"Hello, love," he said in a very cheerful voice that was my instant confirmation that he'd been listening in at the door. I would have rolled my eyes if I hadn't cared if he knew that I knew. I thought it was prudent to have some sort of edge on my husband.

"Hello," I said, allowing him to help me back onto the couch. "I was only gone for a few minutes, you know."

"I know," he said, his gray eyes shining, "but I miss you ever second you aren't with me."

It was a cheesy sort of line, but I knew Sirius meant it. If it hadn't been for the way he'd been when Mr. Potter died, I might not have, but Sirius and I had been through many, many things.

"Well, let's see this castle, then," I said as he pressed his lips to my fingertips. "Oh, she's using the blue ones today."

"No, I'm using the blue ones," Sirius laughed. "Apparently, she doesn't like triangles."

"Apparently," I laughed, running my hands lovingly through Sirius's hair.

That night, Sirius made dinner, steaks and pistachios, and he spoon-fed Aludra mashed peas as she babbled.

"Good job, love," he cooed as she ate a spoonful of peas. "Yummy, yummy, mushy peas!"

I giggled. He got a strangely immense joy in feeding Aludra, the one thing he hadn't really been able to do much of while she was exclusively breast-feeding. I knew he hadn't liked not being a part of something she did so much of, but I hadn't realized just how much it bothered him until he was finally able to feed her baby food.

"Sirius," I said softly as he made flying-motorcycle sounds to accompany the spoonful of peas. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything, my love," he said when Aludra's mouth closed over the spoonful.

I licked my lips slightly, sliding a bit of steak around my plate. How to ask?

"Are we winning? Or…."

"We're not losing, Amy," Sirius said, trying to hold a smile for Aludra, but I could see his face darkening.

"But we're not winning."

He turned to me as Aludra began pushing away the peas, deciding she was done for the night.

"Of course we're winning," he said, frowning. "I just…. Maybe it's James in my ear every time I try to say that. You know how he was."

James had this belief that when it came to Quidditch, to assume that one would win or to announce that one was winning, would ensure that one would not win. I supposed that superstition carrying over the war made some sense, as it had carried over to nearly every other aspect of James's life except for winning over Lily. And I could see why "jinxing," as it were, the outcome of the war was a completely adverse sentiment.

Winning the war. Obviously not by much, and I wondered what it meant to be winning a war of attrition, but I nodded, eating the last bits of my steak.

"I'm going to get our princess cleaned up and ready for bed," Sirius said as Aludra yawned. "She's got peas in her hair."

"That's what happens when you let her hold the spoon," I said dryly, helping myself to some more cauliflower florets.

Sirius just waved at me dismissively as he picked up the messy Aludra and carried her in for a bath as she babbled away.

I stretched out, frowning down at my cauliflower. I would likely have to pee again soon, from the feel of the way that one of the girls was pressing against my bladder. I bit my lip.

Sirius returned a bit later with a dry, clean, dressed-for-bed Aludra who was yawning in her cute little way.

"She's here to see Mummy for a goodnight kiss," he informed me solemnly. I laughed and kissed her forehead gently.

"Goodnight, princess," I said as she smiled sleepily at me. "Sweet dreams."

Sirius carried her off to bed and I watched him.

Part of me had wondered, for a moment, if he was lying to me when he said that they were winning the war. But Sirius had never lied to me before, not unless it was very small and inconsequential, like a surprise of some sort. And even then, I could usually be certain that he was lying. The very fact that I could not be certain convinced me that I was mistaken. What good would it do to lie about something like this, anyway?

He came back several minutes later, grinning at me.

"Cauliflower not to your liking, love?"

I blinked and looked back down at my plate. The cauliflower florets were still steaming there, beckoning me to eat them.

"Ah," I muttered. "Sorry, no, they're delicious. I was just lost in thought."

He sat beside me, watching me eat as he picked up his own fork for the first time that night.

"What about?" he asked, cutting a bit of steak.

I wasn't about to tell him that I'd questioned his honesty, even if I'd come to the conclusion that he must be telling the truth. It wasn't the sort of thing I wanted to subject his pride to. I just shrugged.

"I still haven't thought of the other middle name, the one for Lyra."

Sirius nodded thoughtfully as he chewed his steak.

It wasn't a lie, exactly. Lyra's middle name was a concern that actually had been bothering me all day. I shifted, thinking about possible options to throw out, but Sirius said, "Whatever you do, don't make it something from my family. I thought about using Andromeda's name and asked her the other day what she would think, and she said she'd poison me in my sleep if I ever suggested such a thing again."

I giggled.

I thought Andromeda's name was beautiful, and far preferred it to my own. There were all sorts of names in my family, as it was very large, but I couldn't think of a single one I liked enough to use, and certainly not one that went with Lyra.

"What about Natalie?" Sirius asked, putting more cauliflower on my recently-empty plate.

"No," I said firmly. "No, I don't like that 'ee' sound in a middle name."

"Well," he said, rubbing his chin, "you could…. Well, I mean, it would be a bit controversial, but you could use Sarah."

My heart pounded.

There were dozens of reasons not to use Sarah's name for my child, even as a middle name.

"No," I said softly, shaking my head. "No, I think that would be a poor idea. Every time I disciplined her, every time I wrote her name on a form…"

"You're right," Sirius said quickly, his gray eyes wide and apologetic. "I don't know what I was thinking. It would be a bad idea."

We sat in silence for a long moment, eating our food, lot meeting each other's gaze.

Finally, I stretched and said, "Well, we'll think of something. Can you help me get to bed, then?"

"Anything you ask," Sirius said with a smile, kissing my cheek and helping me up.


	26. Targets

**A/N: Sirius's POV. First of all, note that thanks to **_**Apocolips**_**, chapters 21 and 22 are NO LONGER THE SAME (oops). I'd run back and read 21 again, just to make sure you didn't miss it! This is jointly dedicated to **_**Apocolips**_** for heroism and to **_**saramichellegellarfan1**_** for regular reviews. Sorry about my stupidity!**

** -C**

Andromeda had brought Nymphadora to play with Aludra. She was going to take care of Amy while I went to another Order meeting, hopefully the last of these before Amy went into labor. I hated leaving her, and since what happened with Aludra's birth I wasn't about to leave her alone for such a long time. Thankfully, Andromeda and Amy had overcome their differences and they were simply going to have tea and talk while the girls played, unless there was some sort of problem.

"Narcissa has your old friend Vanessa looking after her almost all the time at these last few weeks."

"What?" I demanded. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, you didn't know?" Andromeda said, frowning. "I could have sworn I told you. Cissy's pregnant. A son, actually. She's having a hell of a time of it. Well, you know how small and frail she is. Not like Amy, here. Narcissa was lucky to have the strength to carry a child to term at all. And look at our Amy," Andromeda added with a smile. "Carrying two at once!"

"Yes, yes, very impressive of me," Amy said wryly.

"Hang on," I pressed. "How long has she been pregnant?"

Andromeda frowned deeper.

"You know, I don't remember, something close to eight or nine months, though. They're expecting that the child will come very soon. She's huge." She paused. "Not as big as Amy, though, obviously. Just, not handling it as well."

I began to pace, careful not to pace by the girls. The last thing I wanted was to step on fingers.

Narcissa was pregnant, very close to giving birth to a son. And the letter Lucius had slipped me when I bumped into him at Diagon Alley….

Something was going to happen. They were going to try to take Aludra, at the very least.

"Extra protections, then," I muttered, and Amy frowned slightly.

"Sirius?"

I froze.

Since lying to Amy about us winning the war, I'd been very careful about what I told her, what I said, how I presented everything, even the morning paper. I didn't like lying to her, but it seemed the only way. She couldn't handle her fear very well, and I knew that it was eating at her. For her health, for the health of the babies, I couldn't let her know the truth. I couldn't let her realize just how bad things really were.

"Nothing, my love," I said with a smile, kissing her cheek. "Just something I thought of to bring up at the meeting."

She didn't look wholly convinced, but I'd done all I could. I left several minutes later after kissing Aludra goodbye and put three extra wards on the house before taking off for the meeting.

I knew why we were meeting had nothing to do with me, but I needed to bring it up, needed to tell Albus what I was almost certain was happening. There was so much…so much to think about. I shivered.

At least they had Andromeda, should something happen while I was away.

When I arrived, only Remus and Mad-Eye were there.

"Sirius?" Remus asked, frowning. "Sirius, you're shaking."

"The letter," I gasped. "The letter I burned you. I know what it means."

Remus nodded encouragingly as he put some tea in front of me.

"Tell me, then," he said. Mad-Eye just watched and waited.

"My cousin is apparently going to have a child soon," I said darkly. "A boy. Lucius will have a son, which means…."

"He wants Aludra," Remus said, taking a step back and frowning. "He wants Aludra so he can make them marry and have the Black fortune attached to his."

"And to erase the blood traitor influence, I think," I groaned. "If they raise her away from Amy and me…."

"They won't," Mad-Eye growled.

I looked up at him.

"What do you mean?"

"Even if they do get her," Mad-Eye said, "which they won't, we'll get her back. Nothing is going to happen to your daughter, Sirius. I swear that on my life."

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and I blinked them away, not wanting to have him berate me for weakness.

Remus patted my back and I drank my tea in silence.

Extra protections on the house, Mad-Eye Moody watching out for my little girl…. There was nothing more I could do to ensure their safety. Switching sides was out of the question from the beginning. I realized that as I sipped my tea. There were many dangers that could arise, but if it came down to that I would go into hiding with them, or send them into hiding and bring them back when the war was over. There were ways I could protect them, things I could do to ensure their safety that did not require such drastic measures.

I was about to ask Moody what he thought about hiding them, confining them, when others started to file in and I decided against it. They would all know soon enough that my daughter was in danger. If I looked too worried about it, it would send the wrong message.

On the other hand, if I wasn't worried enough, it would send another wrong message. I ran my fingers through my hair, desperate for some kind of intervention to tell me that I hadn't done the wrong thing. I just needed to know that I really was doing what was best for Amy and Aludra.

"Sirius," Lily said, sitting beside me with concern in her voice.

Guilt welled up inside of me. She was the one who should be terrified. I was supposed to be feeling terribly for her, not incite her concern. I was only making her problems worse.

"Hey, Lily," I said, faking a smile. "How are you feeling?"

She was pale as death, and James didn't look much better. I didn't know why they'd brought a vastly pregnant woman to the meeting. Well, I did know. It was about her and James.

"I've certainly been better," Lily said with a weak smile. "I know we've still got about a month, maybe two, but I feel like this pregnancy is just a cruel sort of torture." She sighed. "Anyway, I'm sure Amy has it worse."

"She does," James said solemnly. "Sirius won't even let her brush her own teeth."

"Lies," I hissed.

I did let her brush her own teeth. It was everything else I took issue with.

It was good, though, to see Lily and James smile and laugh a little. All of the conditions of our lives had collapsed in on us at once and made it more than difficult to smile about things, especially at meetings.

"Let us begin," I heard Dumbledore say, and I turned to look at him, not wanting to hear what he had to say. I already knew what there was to say. What point was there? I wanted to be home with Amy, to hold my daughter, to make sure no one could take either of them from me.

"Before we move into your news," Mad-Eye said gruffly, "Sirius has discovered that there's some plot to kidnap his daughter."

There were gasps and all eyes turned to me. I felt Lily grip my arm as I stared at the wood grain of the table.

Leave it to Mad-Eye to cut straight to the chase.

"I see," Dumbledore said darkly. "What do you suggest, Mad-Eye, to foil this plot?"

"Kill Malfoy," Remus growled beside me. I just hid my smile behind the pretext of sipping my tea.

"Right," Mad-Eye said. "That's not a bad addition to the plan. I'll buy drinks for whoever pulls that off in a way that isn't legally frowned upon. But in addition, I have a new plan of protections, and I think we should have constant patrols of his neighborhood."

"That seems reasonable," Dumbledore said with a nod. "Sirius, would you feel prepared to take more drastic measures such as going into hiding?"

My heart was pounding in my chest and I could feel James's eyes on me. I could still feel the weight of my lie to Amy, but what else could I have done?

"Not yet," I said softly. "Not yet."

Dumbledore nodded thoughtfully. I knew he was thinking I was a fool, but if we went into hiding, who would look out for Lily and James?

And speaking of Lily and James…

"Now, James, tell us what has happened this time."

Attention turned to the couple and Lily took her hand from my arm to James's as he cleared his throat.

"They came to our home," he said softly. "It was Malfoy this time, and Avery."

I shivered slightly.

"The way he looked at my stomach," Lily said slowly. "Avery…. It was strange. He asked about Alice and Amy as well. I don't understand what the obsession is with the pregnant women, to be honest."

But she did know. They were after a child for a prophecy. What bothered me was that they still seemed to be after my family in spite of the fact that none of my girls were able to fulfill that prophecy.

"They came for us as well," Frank said, running his fingers through his hair. "This is three times now they've tried to recruit us."

"Us too," James said, blinking and frowning.

Was I imagining it, or had Dumbledore sat up a bit straighter at this?

I could feel my stomach turning again. No one had actually tried to recruit me.

And then I realized why, in that awful moment. For whatever the reason, they didn't want me to be a Death Eater. They didn't want Amy and me, or at least me, to be a part of their organization.

They wanted everything I had, and then they wanted me dead. They wanted my daughter to marry Malfoy, and then they wanted to ensure that I couldn't have a son to usurp Aludra's inheritance. They wanted to indoctrinate my daughters into their ways, to stamp out the blood traitor tendencies. And if Amy was lucky, they'd remarry her to some Death Eater to bear more pureblooded children.

I felt sick to my stomach. It really wasn't long ago at all that my family had been hell-bent on keeping me, on making me change my ways and join the Death Eaters. Voldemort himself had apparently been very keen on having me in his ranks. Now, now all they wanted was my fortune, my wife, my daughters….

"There is a rumor," Frank said slowly, "that Avery's wife is barren."

My stomach dropped as I pulled myself back into the conversation.

"Avery's wife?" I choked out. "That's Vanessa, isn't it?"

Lily nodded. She was still pale as death, and I was sure the blood had drained from my face, as well.

If Jack Avery could not have children, it would not look good either for his family or for the pureblood cause. Vanessa would have no use to them.

They…. They….

I felt sick to my stomach. Malfoy wanted my daughter, my fortune, but Avery wanted my wife.

Tears were welling up in my eyes and I tuned the conversation out again, thinking of ways to protect Amy. This wasn't going to happen. No one was going to take her from me.

"Sirius?" Professor McGonagall said from across the table, a frown on her face. "Are you all right?"

"F-fine," I managed to splutter, not bothering to wipe my eyes. There was no way to be discrete about it with everyone looking at me. "I just…."

Lily put her hand on my arm.

They thought that the fear for Aludra was hitting me. They had no idea, no idea at all, how terrified I was. And there was nothing more I could do but go into hiding. Suddenly, the idea was looking much more attractive. Maybe if I talked about it with Amy…

But she thought we were winning. The lie made me feel even sicker.

I got to go home soon after, thankfully, and I'd composed myself by the time I returned. I put a few extra protective charms on the house and resolved to look up some more as I went inside.

"Hello, ladies!" I said happily. Aludra was babbling to Nymphadora as they stacked blocks and Andromeda was making tea. Amy, my beautiful Amy, relaxed on the sofa, looking up at me as I entered with a smile on her face.

I almost burst out in tears again.

They weren't going to take her. They couldn't.

"We've all eaten, Sirius," Andromeda said, smiling at me. "There's food for you in the kitchen."

I nodded, retreating to the kitchen to gather my thoughts. I ran my fingers through my hair, dishing up some chicken and rice. Andromeda followed me in, a frown on her face.

"What's wrong, Sirius?" she whispered, closing the door. "Amy's too tired to notice, but you looked like you were about to cry in there! Are you in danger?"

"It's complicated," I sighed, cutting the chicken and staring at it. "I suppose I am, but the Death Eaters… They want my girls, Dromeda."

Andromeda knew, I could tell, from the look on her face, exactly what I meant. She was sharp, and she'd been raised just as odiously as I had. She shook her head, looking at the door.

"What are you going to do?" she whispered.

"I don't know," I sighed, falling into the chair. "I can't let anything happen to them, but the Order, they need me. And I can't be without Amy. If I send her into hiding, I'd have to go with her and I can't leave the fight."

"If you stay you could lose them," Andromeda reasoned. "What matters to you the most?"

I buried my head in my hands.

I didn't know what to do, and that was what terrified me most. Shouldn't it be easy? Shouldn't I give up everything else to save my family? Wasn't that the right thing to do, the right thing to feel? What was wrong with me?

"Sirius, you don't have to decide right away," Andromeda said gently. "You and Amy need to talk."

"I lied to her," I choked. "I told her we're winning the war. And I don't think I can admit to her that it was a lie. I don't think I can take that piece of mind from her."

Andromeda sat beside me, petting my hair as she had done when I was a child. So much had changed since then, since she'd petted my hair when I had nightmares. We were different people with different goals and different fears. Everything was bigger, more real, and so much more complicated. Nightmares were bad, but they weren't real. It was easy to deal with them.

This, this was very much real, and there was nothing easy about it, even though I felt like it ought to be. I bit my lip, looking down at my hands.

"Why don't you finish eating," she said gently. "Calm down a little, and then come play with the girls. You won't be able to do anything until you're a bit less distressed."

I nodded, watching her leave the kitchen before I tucked in to my meal, wolfing it down like it was the last food I'd ever see.

Depression was an incredible appetite boost.

When the chicken and rice were gone I poured a cup of tea and returned to the front room, watching Aludra and Nymphadora fight over the blocks.

Amy smiled as I sat down beside her, drinking my tea quickly so I could get on the floor with the girls.

"How is everybody?" she asked.

"Oh, Lily and James are anxious for their baby to hurry up and arrive," I said, smiling a bit tightly. "Much like I want these girls to hurry up and get out here."

She laughed. I finished my tea quickly and got on the floor.

"Oh, Sirius," she laughed. I closed my eyes and smiled. Her laugh was so beautiful. "Can't you let the children be children by themselves?"

"Never," I teased, sticking my tongue out at her before putting Aludra on my lap. "Hello, princess," I said.

"Dadada," Aludra babbled happily handing me a little blue block. I gasped.

"Sirius!" Amy said, smiling. "She's using the blue ones!"

"Apparently she likes triangles after all," I teased, kissing Aludra's cheek. "She was just saving it as a present."

"Is he always like this?" Andromeda said with a snort. "He's absurd."

"Always," Amy said solemnly, although I could tell from the way her neck convulsed that she was fighting laughter. "He's absolutely ridiculous."

I turned back to the girls, my cousin's daughter and my own daughter, who were now the more important thing in the room. They and their block playing demanded my attention. I reached out to pick up a yellow block and Nymphadora swatted my hand away.

"No," she snapped.

Andromeda raised her eyebrows.

"Nymphadora!"

"It's all right, Dromeda," I said honestly, "Dora doesn't like the yellow ones. I should have remembered."

"Still," Andromeda sniffed. "She shouldn't have spoken to you like that."

"I think it's good for me, sometimes," I sighed, bouncing Aludra slightly on my knee. "It's nice to be reminded that I'm not allowed to do things."

Amy laughed outright and I smiled again.

No, if I did decide on hiding, I would have to go with them. I could not be parted from my lovely girls. And that was what making what should be an easy decision hard. I had seen the look on Lily's face during the meeting. I knew how much I was needed in the war effort, and I didn't want to hide for the rest of my life, even though we could. Voldemort had to be stopped.

I just wasn't sure if I could outlive him long if I lost my girls. What would be the point?


	27. Lies

**A/N: Vanessa's POV, this chapter is dedicated to reader and reviewer **_**danceegirl92**_**. Thank you for your thoughtful reviews!**

** -C**

The screams were maddening, taunting, and for a split second I was actually pleased that I wasn't pregnant, that I wasn't going to be pregnant.

Except I wasn't glad, I remembered, because if I couldn't get pregnant I would be dead.

But death had to be better than this.

"You need to be with her," Jack said firmly.

"I can't," I whispered, rubbing my temples.

"She requested you specifically, Vanessa. Do your duty and go in that room."

It was not up for debate. I wanted to be sick, but Jack demanded that I go and hold Narcissa Malfoy's hand while she was in labor. Lucius was pacing outside of the door when I got there. I blinked at him.

"Vanessa," he said softly. "She's…she's…"

"She's going to be fine," I said hollowly.

Narcissa gave another horrific shriek.

"How?" Lucius said, swallowing. I'd never seen him so disheveled. Perhaps this was what I looked like, as well. "How can she be?"

"If she were not," I countered, "someone would have told you by now."

Narcissa had been in labor for twenty hours already, and she was likely to be in labor for another ten, the midwife had said when she was fetching more towels. I had been present for about sixteen hours. It was a good thing, really. I was supposed to meet the Dark Lord, but it had been put off so that I could be present for the birth of Narcissa's son. I hadn't really expected to be allowed to be present, but now that I was walking into the room I thought that perhaps I would rather meet the Dark Lord than watch such a scene.

"How is she?" I asked the midwife, coming up with any reason not to look at Narcissa as she screamed.

"Oh, doing fine, love," the woman chirped.

I dared a glance over at Narcissa.

That did _not_ look like fine to me. The expression on her face as she shrieked was hellish. I'd seen the Cruciatus Curse a time or two, even Bellatrix's version of it, and that was the closest I could come up with to what it looked like Narcissa was experiencing.

"Is it always so…loud?" I said, moving toward Narcissa, whose hand was beckoning me.

"Well, she has a strong voice," the midwife said with a shrug. "There's not always so much screaming, though, no."

That, at least, was a comfort, not that I needed a comfort. I was half-way through stage two and still had not progressed to the point where Severus would like me to be. The further through the potions I got, the more times he checked in on me, the less hope I had of ever having children. I hadn't completely given up on life, but there was little hope left.

"Vanessa," Narcissa sobbed, squeezing my hand. "Vanessa, go tell Lucius that I'm fine."

"But you're not fine," I pointed out before I could stop myself.

"I'm fine!" she shrieked.

"That's it," the midwife said happily. "Very good. You can start pushing soon."

She wasn't even pushing yet?

"Ice," she said as well, choking. "Get ice."

"Right," I muttered. "I'll be back, then."

I stepped out into the hall where Lucius was still pacing and he looked at me expectantly.

"She says she's fine," I said simply. "And she needs ice."

Lucius nodded, eyes wide.

"Dobby!" he called. A house-elf appeared and bowed. "Bring your mistress ice."

"Lots of ice," I clarified.

"You heard her," Lucius said, waving away the elf, who bowed again and disappeared, presumably to fetch ice. "You're sure she's fine?"

No.

"Yes, she's fine."

"Is she going to be much longer, do you think?" he asked nervously.

His feet were probably beginning to hurt. Without him noticing in his frantic pacing, I cast a charm that would dull his pain, although in the morning he wouldn't thank me. He frowned slightly as he took another step, but my wand was already away.

"I'm not sure, Lucius," I reminded him. "I'm not a midwife."

"Of course," he muttered. "Of course. She'll want you back, I expect?" I nodded. "Very well, return to her, then."

I went back into the room where Narcissa was shrieking.

Three and a half hours later, Narcissa gave birth to Draco.

He was hideous.

Small, shrieking, wrinkled…. Even after they'd wiped him off his disgustingly translucent skin that he'd obviously gotten from his mother made me want to vomit all over again.

"Oh," Narcissa cooed. "Oh, he's _beautiful_!"

It took quite a lot of inner strength not to roll my eyes. Why was it that people always thought newborns were beautiful, even when they were so obviously hideous?

"Shall I get Lucius?" I asked.

"No," she said, grabbing my arm with surprising strength. "No, help me freshen up a bit, first."

We cleaned her up, combed out her hair, and arranged her on the bed in a way that was becoming as possible, putting the ugly, wrinkly baby in her arms before I let Lucius into the room. It was stupid, really. Lucius had to know that she had looked disgusting moments earlier, as his son looked utterly disgusting. He had to be clever enough to see through this veneer of charming childbirth.

"Oh," he said softly, like one enamored as he walked into the room. "Oh, Narcissa, he is handsome!"

I couldn't help it. I really did roll my eyes.

"I'll just be going, then," I muttered. Neither of them paid me any mind, and when I went out to Jack he nodded, no smile, and we went home to freshen me up before visiting the Dark Lord.

"Who will be there?"

"I don't know," he said from our bedroom as I went through my closet.

"Well, what should I wear?"

"I don't know, Vanessa. Something pretty. Now hurry up. We shouldn't leave the Dark Lord waiting."

I quickly dressed in a champagne-colored set of silk dress robes and came out to meet my husband.

"All right," I said, holding my hand out to his. "I'm ready."

"No, you're not," he said darkly, but before I could respond he took my hand and Disapparated us on the spot.

It was Lestrange Manor. I would know it in any context. This meant that Bellatrix and her odious husband were nearby, if not in the very place I would be meeting the Dark Lord.

"Keep your eyes averted, Vanessa," Jack said. "It is very important that you not look at him."

What, would I turn to stone or something if I did?

But I said nothing, nodding and following Jack's lead. My heart was racing as I realized I was about to meet the one man who held my life in his hands.

The door opened and I glided forward, not looking up, as Jack had warned me, but staring at the perfect marble of the floor.

"Vanessa Avery," said a high, cold voice that made me feel my blood had turned to ice. "At last we meet. Come closer."

I did as bid, stopping when he told me, when I was right at the foot of his chair. Swallowing, I continued to look down. A long, thin, pale finger reached out and lifted my chin, though, so that I had to look at him. His eyes were red and inhuman, terrible and all-seeing, and I felt instantly like I wanted to cry.

"Lovely as you described, Avery," he said lazily. "It's a pity, her condition." He continued to survey my face. "Severus says it might still be reversible, but we shall see."

My stomach was tied in knots.

"Yes, my Lord," Jack said behind me, his voice submissive and supplicant. It sounded very strange, my husband with that voice. My mind didn't seem able to process it all.

"Do you speak, Vanessa?" the Dark Lord said, amused.

"Yes, my Lord," I managed to choke out.

Normally, I would have been appalled by the fear in my own voice, but I felt this was a moment worth being afraid in. He was not a man to be trifled with. If he was a man at all, anymore. There was something highly bestial about him, and I had the distinct impression that he had not always looked this way. There was something about him that suggested he had disfigured himself with magic. I wondered if whatever he had done had actually made him stronger. Something in me doubted it.

"Charming voice," he said dully, turning back to Jack and letting go of my chin. I looked down at my feet. "She is obviously more suitable than the blood traitor's wife, if not for her twisted womb."

Well, there was a minor vindication in that. I was a better pureblooded wife than Amy in everything by childbearing ability. That was good, except childbearing ability is sort of the most important thing.

"Of course, my Lord," Avery muttered.

"Report on the status of the potions, Severus," the Dark Lord called, and Severus stepped out of the shadows.

My stomach immediately dropped and I turned to see Severus standing there, his black eyes gleaming in the candlelight.

I tried not to shiver. Why was it that the Dark Lord called my husband by his surname, but Severus by his first name? Severus wasn't even a pureblood! Was it me? Had my condition brought dishonor on my husband?

Normally I would merely be irritated by this sort of notion and find a way to combat it, but this was the Dark Lord. If he wanted me to have children or die, there was no combatting that. There was only accepting my fate.

"My Lord," Severus said, bowing his head, but now bowing properly. The Dark Lord didn't seem to mind.

"How are the potions coming along?"

"She is making satisfactory progress," Severus drawled, and I just barely stopped myself from gasping.

That wasn't what he'd said yesterday, when he'd examined me. Was he lying then, or could he actually be lying to the Dark Lord? The thought was absurd, but I said nothing. If he was lying to me, I could hash it out with him later. If he was lying to the Dark Lord and I exposed him, he'd be dead where he stood.

And he was my only hope.

"Very well, continue on with it, then," the Dark Lord said, and I saw his fingers waving us dismissively away. "Report regularly, Severus, and I expect, if things continue in this manner, that I will see your wife again, Avery."

We all bowed and I followed Jack, feeling his hand in mine as the door closed behind us.

"Severus," I began, but he shook his head.

We were not to talk about his lies in the Lestrange Manor, I realized. I nodded my understanding.

"Would you have time to come for tea sometime soon, Severus?" I said. Just because we weren't discussing it there and then didn't mean that he would get off the hook. I wanted answers, especially when my life was on the line.

"I will make an arrangement with you by owl," he said sternly. "I am unsure at present as to my schedule."

A mission. He was doing something for Voldemort other than making my potions. I agreed that this would be fine and I left with my husband, returning home and instantly peeling off my clothes when we arrived at our room.

"What are you doing?" Jack asked, not upset, merely curious.

"I need to get the feel of him off me," I said, rubbing at my chin. "What has he done to himself?"

"You think I'm stupid enough to ask?" Jack asked with a snort. He touched my bare shoulder and I looked at him. "It's going to be alright, Vanessa."

"Yes, everything's alright for you, isn't it?" I snapped. "Because if I can't give you children, you'll just take Sirius's wife and she will!"

He said nothing as I stormed into the bathroom and drew a bath. After a moment he called that the house-elf could draw the bath for me, but I ignored him. Of course an elf could do it for me, but it gave me a reason to ignore him. I tapped my wand on the faucet to ensure the right temperature.

It wasn't just suspicion anymore. Jack really would take Amy for himself if it turned out that I was beyond redemption and that the Dark Lord would kill me. Perhaps he would also raise the brats she conceived with Sirius, since he could no longer beat out Lucius for a son to marry to Sirius's eldest daughter.

I didn't expect for Jack to love me. We had long ago agreed that we didn't believe in the usefulness of such foolish notions. But Lucius and Narcissa clearly cared for each other in a way that I couldn't believe that Jack cared for me. How easy would it be for him to throw me aside in favor of Amy? How could he possibly prefer her to me in any way?

But it was the children. I sank into the bath and allowed myself to cry. My mother had always said that tears were cathartic, that it would be good for me to let things out on occasion.

The warm tears splashed into the bath and I began tapping my fingers against the edge of the tub, thinking of ways I could improve my standing. Severus was helping me, I realized. Why he was, I didn't know, but he was lying to Voldemort, risking his own life, in order to buy me time to improve, if I was going to improve. I wasn't going to waste a gift, though.

Even if I could not have children, there were ways I could find to be useful, still. Peter, for one, was my doing. If I could make him dependent on me, if I could somehow be the key to keeping Peter in their grasp…. It would take careful planning, but that might save my life.

"Because they might give up on waiting otherwise," I muttered, blowing at the bubbles in my bath.

I was afraid. I was not ashamed to admit it, not to myself. Amy, Evans, they hadn't scared me in school because there was only so much they could and would do to me. Detention, yes. A little superficial physical injury? Nothing Madam Pomfrey couldn't fix. But they did not have the guts to kill me, to actually hurt me, to destroy me. They were _good_. They were _weak_.

There was nothing weak or good about the Dark Lord. If he wanted me dead, if he was done with me, I would be dead and he would move on to some other task without a second thought. I'd seen Bellatrix's work. I knew that the side my husband was on, the side I by extension was at the mercy of, had no qualms with destruction. There was nothing they wouldn't do to me.

I closed my eyes and thought of my first day at Hogwarts, first meeting Amy and Sarah….

_"That necklace is beautiful!"_

_ I touched my neck and looked at the willowy, plain girl who had complimented my jewelry. Beside her was a girl I'd seen but never spoken to, Amy McAuley, second daughter of an unfortunate family that only had daughters to its name. Lots of them, but still, no sons._

_ "Thank you," I said graciously. "It was my mother's. It is tradition, in the Brown family, to pass on a valuable family trinket upon starting school."_

_ It was true. I saw Amy wrinkle her nose slightly. Perhaps she did not approve of such traditions. I knew the McAuleys were walking a fine line between pureblood society and being blood traitors, which was largely why I'd never spoken to her before. But surely, now that we were roommates and she was the only pureblood I would be sharing space with, it wouldn't hurt to befriend her._

_ "I wish my family could afford such beautiful things," the other girl sighed. "My name's Sarah, by the way, Sarah Kelly."_

_ Probably a half-blood based on the fact that she already seemed comfortable with her wand and robes._

_ "Vanessa Brown," I said in the way I'd practiced in the mirror for four hours that morning. "And you're Amy McAuley. I've seen you at parties."_

_ "You're a pureblood too?" Sarah gasped. "We have so many in our year!"_

_ She was likely referring to James Potter and Sirius Black, who had also been Sorted into Gryffindor. I didn't want to be Black when he had to explain it to his mother, Walburga. That woman practically worshipped Slytherin. His placement in Gryffindor was bound to a poor beginning to his years at Hogwarts._

_ "Would you like some chocolate?" Sarah asked. "I still have some from the train."_

_ "Sure, yeah," Amy muttered, running her fingers through her long, brown hair. I was instantly envious. She clearly had the kind of hair that was beautiful without taking extreme maintenance measures, unlike my own frizzy disaster._

_ I also agreed to have some chocolate, and as I consumed the sweets with these two girls, it felt as though we had formed some strange, inextricable bond of friendship, just over a bar of chocolate._

Life had been so much simpler at eleven, I mused, running my fingers across my lips. Slightly chapped.

They had been good friends. Perhaps not the friends I would have dreamed up for myself, but they were the kind of friends I'd needed as a young girl, silly and fun and willing to get their hands dirty where I wasn't.

Sarah was already dead, but that was hardly my fault. And Amy…. What would happen to Amy? What would become of her, whether I lived or died? It was my fault, either way. I brought Peter into the fold, I used him for my own revenge purposes.

Did I regret it?

I closed my eyes again and pictured my husband looking at Amy's feet in the photograph with that thoughtful expression.

I regretted nothing.


	28. Twins

**A/N: Sirius's POV, this chapter is dedicated to reader and reviewer, **_**danceegirl92**_**. Enjoy!**

** -C**

Amy squeezed my hand. The midwife had assured me that being two weeks early was not going to hurt the girls, but I was still standing there, panicking, as my wife screamed. I hated this. I hated seeing her in pain. I hated even more knowing that Remus was out there, trying to calm down Aludra, who had been upset when everyone around her had begun to panic. Aludra needed me, but so did Amy, and I couldn't be in two places at once, so I had to call in reinforcements.

"Padfoot?" Remus said, poking his head in. "I've reinforced her room a bit. I'll stay in there until you call for me. She's finally got to sleep and I don't…"

"Fine, fine," I said as Amy gave another grotesque shriek. This was not fine. This was not okay.

"I'll fetch more ice," the midwife said happily as the Healer measured the dilation.

I was swearing up and down that next time, if there was a next time, Amy would be forced to take something for the pain, of only for my sake. This was agony.

When the midwife returned, though, the Healer said, "All right, Mrs. Black, let's get you pushing on the next one, all right?"

Amy nodded, focusing on her breathing exercises. I squeezed her hand this time, absolutely terrified.

The next contractions came and she gave a guttural cry, pushing. I winced, holding onto her as tightly as I could, hoping that somehow my energy would translate into some sort of extra energy for her as she underwent this awful experience. I could feel tears in my eyes, but wiping them away would have meant letting go of her hand, and I couldn't do that.

"Good, good," the Healer said happily. "You've got one of them nearly out, Mrs. Black! A couple more good pushes."

I was shaking. It was strange, of course, because we already had a daughter, but somehow this was something entirely new and different, three children. What had I gotten myself into?

"Push!"

Amy shrieked. Her voice was growing weak from all the strain. I squeezed her hand again, pressing it to my lips.

"Good, again, push!"

At this push I actually could hear the crying of my little girl, and I watched as the midwife took her, cleaning her as Amy calmed slightly.

"Arista," Amy croaked. "That one's Arista."

The midwife and I walked over to the side as she handed me my second child, Arista Noela Black, and she put a small mark on her foot.

"It's permanent," the midwife said. "Painless. Hers is black. Her sister's will be green. You'll always be able to tell them apart as babies, but I doubt you'll look at their feet much as they get older. With any luck, you won't have to."

"Excellent," I sighed, kissing my crying daughter's forehead. "My greatest fear was mixing them up and us never knowing again which was really which."

The midwife laughed, but she was called back to the bedside.

"Hello, beautiful baby," I whispered to my daughter, who was beginning to calm down, blinking her strange eyes. I finally wiped my tears and I moved back, holding her carefully in one arm so that I could hold Amy's hand for the birth of her twin sister.

"This one needs to be turned, hang on," the Healer said darkly. "Don't push until I tell you."

"It's going to be okay?" I asked, turning nervously to the midwife. She nodded.

"This happens," she said. "He's caught it soon enough. She'll be fine."

I licked my lips and held my daughter, wrapped in her soft red blanket.

It was an agonizing ten minutes, waiting for the second one, listening to Amy's cries of pain, but when Lyra came shrieking into the world, even louder than her twin, I felt a surge of relief and pride.

I had three beautiful baby girls, and Amy was safe, if a bit sweaty. What more could I possibly ask for?

"Lyra Medeia," Amy sighed as the midwife began cleaning her up. She spelled out the name while the Healer marked Lyra's foot. I smirked a bit, wondering if she'd thought about the fact that her daughter's middle name was virtually the same as the name of her mother's owl. I suspected that it hadn't yet occurred to her.

When the Healer and midwife were satisfied that the mother and both babies were healthy and able to be left, they retreated, leaving me to place Arista in her mother's tired arms while I scooped up Lyra.

"Beautiful, aren't they?" I sighed. "And they came from you."

"They came from both of us," she murmured.

"Don't be so modest," I snorted. "I didn't carry around two children for nine months."

Amy just rolled her eyes, running her fingertips along Arista's head.

"You know," she said softly, "thirty years ago magic hadn't figured out how to properly turn a child in a case like Lyra's without harming the child? They would live, but…with consequences almost every time."

It was strange to think about, but I nodded, smiling down at Lyra.

"Well, she's alive," I said happily. "She's alive and born and perfect. Merlin, they really do look so much alike."

"Good thing they mark the feet," Amy said with a yawn.

"Do you want to sleep?" I asked.

"No, no, I want to see Remus," she muttered, although she was obviously sleepy.

I nodded, putting Lyra in the little cot that had two spots for children, designed specifically for twins. We were going to have to move them to the new nursery, but not until they'd been with their mother for a few days, gotten used to being out of the womb.

"Remus?" I whispered, poking my head into Aludra's room. He grinned, lowering the charms and following me out.

"How are they?" he asked.

"They're so tiny," I sighed. "It's always strange, seeing such tiny little people, and knowing they're my responsibility to protect."

We entered the bedroom to find Amy dozing slightly. Remus hesitated.

"Should we wake her?" he whispered. "She looks so tired…"

"No, no, she asked for you," I said, wincing. "If I don't wake her there will be hell to pay when she does wake." I gently shook the sleeping Amy, who was holding a sleeping Arista.

"Mmm," she moaned, stretching slightly. "Did I doze off?" She smiled as Remus crept closer. "Hello, Remus."

"Hello," Remus said, blushing slightly, looking down at the baby intently.

It was then that I realized that my wife wasn't wearing a bra, and that this was very obvious through her thin nightgown. I bit my lip.

I was having a hard time with the fact that Remus still had a crush on Amy. I mean, I knew she was wonderful, but it had been a while since he'd known she didn't feel that way about him. And if he'd had any doubts, she married me and had now had three of my children. The likelihood that she would drop everything and be with him was very little.

"Come and see them, Remus," she whispered. "Look, their hair is very dark, Sirius. Darker than Aludra's was."

I had noticed. She was probably hoping that they would take after me, and although I wouldn't mind my daughters having fabulous black hair, I hoped that they looked mostly like their mother, just because it was already so great having two versions of Amy. How could I do anything but be thrilled with four versions?

"Raven black," Remus said, raising his eyebrows. "I think they'll look like you, Sirius."

"Merlin forbid," I teased. I tucked Amy more fully into the bed, covering her breasts with the duvet. She frowned at me until I raised my eyebrows at her and she realized my reason for doing so. Then she blushed.

"So, Lily told me you were going to be away for a while, Remus," Amy said, rubbing her eyes as I picked up Arista. "What are you doing?"

Remus cleared his throat, smiling at the sleeping baby.

"Order mission, very secret," he said softly. "I'm afraid I've been instructed to tell no one what I'm doing."

"We don't have too many of those," I said slowly.

The last one had resulted in Caradoc disappearing. Those sorts of missions were exceptionally dangerous, because there was no back-up, no one to check in on you if you don't report for a while except Dumbledore.

"Be careful," Amy said, her voice still weak. "Don't you go doing anything reckless, Remus."

"I wouldn't dare," he said, giving her a gentle smile.

I wasn't jealous of Remus. I already knew how Amy felt about him, so it would be stupid for me, her husband, to be jealous of a man I knew was just her friend. But there was some negative feeling eating away at me in that moment, and I put the sleeping Arista in the cot beside her sister to avoid lunging at him for smiling at Amy like that.

I didn't know where this jealousy had come from, but it wasn't something I wanted to harbor.

"I need to go, actually," Remus said with a frown. "I'm checking in on Lily and James before I go. Do you want me to report to them about the twins?"

"Please," Amy said happily. "They're supposed to come tomorrow for tea, if Lily feels up to it. I hope she does."

Remus promised to talk to them about the girls, kissed Amy's hand, hugged me, and spared the girls a smile before leaving.

"How do you feel?" I asked, crawling onto the bed beside Amy, touching her hair.

"Tired," she admitted. "So much more tired than with Aludra." She frowned. "Can you help me shower, Sirius? I know the midwife cleaned me, but…"

"Of course," I said, kissing her temple. "Let's get you clean."

She was incredibly weak on her feet and it was mildly terrifying, seeing her so helpless. I hadn't really seen her like this since she was sick, and then she hadn't been out of my bed for the whole time. I pulled off her nightgown when we got to the bathroom and turned the water on to her favorite temperature.

"Thank you, Sirius," she sighed as I helped her into the shower. She stood there, holding her arms around her, shivering slightly.

"Are you all right?" I asked, reaching out.

"Just very tired," Amy said with a shrug. "You know I get cold when I'm tired. I'll warm up in a minute."

I watched her stand there, growing accustomed to the temperature and I took in her body.

It wasn't perfect. In this light I couldn't see the scar on her thigh, but I knew it was there. I could see the stretch marks caused by bearing three children. She hated them, but I thought there was something sort of charming about them.

I did feel sorry for her breasts, though. We'd only just managed to fully wean Aludra and now she had two more children to breast-feed. She was going to be cranky about that, when she was done being tired and the girls needed feeding.

"Sirius, are you staring at me?" she chided through the shower door.

"N-no."

"Stop being an idiot and get in here."

I couldn't help but laugh as I peeled off my clothes. I was fairly sweaty too, after all.

I climbed into the shower beside her, feeling her fingers resting on my collarbone as I wrapped my arms around her.

"I love you," she sighed. "I missed being this close to you. Stupid belly, getting in the way."

"Hey," I teased. "That belly was our daughters."

"Still," she sighed, pressing a tired kiss to my collarbone and resting her head on my chest, "I've missed you."

I closed my eyes and soaked in the feel of her against me. This, this was something I could never live without.

The following day, Lily demanded that they come to see us for tea in spite of the fact that she was exhausted.

"Let me see them!" Lily said happily as I carried out Arista and Lyra for her pleasure. Amy laughed, still tired, but much recovered from the long labor the night before. James was making tea. "Oh, Amy, they're gorgeous! Oh, I hope our baby is half this beautiful."

"I hope your baby looks like his mother," Amy teased. "Or he's doomed."

We all laughed, except James, who came in with a tea tray, scowling.

"No cheek from you, McAuley," he snapped playfully. "James Jr. will be a beautiful child."

"We're not naming him James Jr.," Lily said firmly. I got the sense that this was an argument they'd had quite a few times. "What did you two settle on, then?"

"Arista," I said, touching Arista's forehead. "And Lyra."

"Oh, that's so beautiful," Lily cooed. "Oh, it's so nice to have so many babies around. I'm excited for Frank and Alice to have theirs, as well. Oh, that reminds me." She gave James a significant look, and James cleared his throat.

"We have something rather important to ask you," James said, grinning as Lyra giggled while he ran his finger along her foot. "Our child is coming very soon, and we were hoping that you would be his godparents."

Amy gasped, but I wasn't surprised. We'd made an agreement, James and I, not long after we were both married, that we would be the godparents of each other's children. The tricky part was talking our wives into it, but that wasn't even so tricky. They were best friends, especially now with their other friends all gone.

"Oh, James, we'd be honored, wouldn't we?" Amy said happily, tugging at my sleeve.

"Of course we would, love," I said, kissing her forehead. "I'd say let's toast with the tea, since Lily can't have anything more…substantial."

"Thank you, Sirius," Lily said with a nod, and we raised our tea cups.

"To the four most ridiculous parents there ever were," Amy said happily.

"To friendship," I said.

"To Amy's incredibly fertile womb," Lily teased.

"To ending Voldemort," James said with a grin, and we all shared an uneasy smile as we began to drink our tea.

The end of Voldemort. It was a pleasant notion, but I looked down at my little girls as my friends held them and I sighed. When would that end come?

Aludra began to cry from her own bedroom and I rushed in to get her.

"Hey, there, princess," I said happily.

Even though I was thrilled with the twins, Aludra was still my princess. She was over a year old now, and could actually say Mum and Dad, and Rem, which was what she called Remus. She could stand on her own for a few seconds before falling over, and followed commands when it came to getting her dressed.

When she was done being dressed for the morning, I put Aludra on the floor and she crawled out to the front room, thrilled to find Lily and James present, as well as the strangers she was about to meet: her baby sisters.

"Oh, look at you!" Lily said, delighted. "Oh, you've gotten so big! And crawling like a champion, I see?"

"Well, Blacks are the best at everything, as my mother liked to say," I replied in a stuffy voice. Aludra lifted herself to standing beside Lily's chair and Lily cooed, handing Arista to Amy so that she could pull Aludra up to sit with her.

"Oh, such a big, beautiful girl," Lily said. "Oh, you're going to look just like your mum."

"She's discovered the joy of crayons," Amy said with a smirk. "She's also trying to figure out how to feed herself. She can't seem to hold the spoon the right way up."

"She's just fighting the system," I said proudly, kissing Aludra's forehead. "Aren't you, princess?"

"Dad!" she said happily, and I grinned.

"She's also gotten to the point where when Sirius reads to her she wants to turn the pages," Amy said with a giggle, "although she always wants to turn them when he's in the middle of a sentence."

"She's also more or less stopped putting blocks in her mouth," I sighed. "I miss that a little bit. It seemed so…canine."

Amy rolled her eyes as James laughed.

"She's also started trying to have tea parties with her dozens of dolls, but she hasn't really got a table big enough," Amy admitted. "I've forbidden Sirius from buying one, because then he'll only buy her more dolls. She's also figured out how to demand things."

"How?" Lily asked, laughing.

"She just points to what she wants and says, 'Dad,'" Amy laughed. "And it works every time."

"Watch this," I said eagerly. "Hey, princess, where's James? Can you find Uncle James?"

Aludra blinked happily, and pointed at James.

"Good girl!" Amy said happily, snuggling with Arista. "She's very clever. Aludra, love, where's your nose? Show me your nose!"

Aludra put her finger right beside her nose, where the bridge met her cheek. Lily laughed.

"Well, aren't you just talented," Lily teased, kissing Aludra's forehead.

"She knows where all her toys are, and shoes," I bragged. "And she tries to sing along with the wireless. She even helps me with clean-up, sometimes, when she's not already basically passing out from exhaustion."

Aludra had turned her curious attention to the babies in her presence.

"Princess," I said happily, "meet your baby sisters. Arista, and Lyra."

"Baby," she said and Lily laughed.

"That's right," Amy said as Aludra reached out for Lyra curiously. "Babies."

"Baby."

"How much contact do you want her to have?" James said nervously.

"Not much yet," Amy admitted, giving him the leave he needed to scoot out of her reach. "They're just newborns, after all."

"Baby," Aludra said, both curious and frustrated.

"Shh," Amy said gently, trading with Lily to take Aludra back. "Shh, now, calm down love. It's all going to be all right."

I looked at my companions and thought that this was how it was supposed to be.


End file.
